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Life's Horrors
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10422
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Life sucks . . .

can't sleep

got fired two weeks ago (namely for making too much and being a full time manager, but we won't go THERE)

school fucked up my financial aid disbursement so I need $286.70 by Feb 07, Feb 12 at the latest, but then I'll accrue late fees.

I have $8.76 in the bank.

I have all the documents I need to file my taxes, which would get me about $3000 between tax credits and refunds BUT I cant' file until Jan 30

My one son is sick, but he's the last of us. We've been taking turns this past two weeks. I literately got sick the day after I was fired.

Did I mention I'm ineligible to collect unemployment compensation (despite the fact my termination was unlawful) because last time I was laid off (it was a seasonal job) the state over payed me because of an error in their calculations. I have to wait another two years or pay back the 3 grand the state says they overpaid me . . .
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Canopus



Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Posts: 623

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep your wits up. Everything will work out for you in the end.
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3315

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And this morning my uncle mickey lost his fight with cancer. He and uncle gary were the most stable relationship in my family. They'd been together for 50 years....
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6461

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh no. I'm so sorry.
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3315

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I realize this is overdramatic teenage shit but 2013 is certainly feeling like the year everyone around me dies so far.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10688

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear that Monkey
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 6059
Location: California

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jesus, monkey

seems like the shit all comes down at once
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6242
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jesus, Monkey ... sorry to here about that man.
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Yorick



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 12101
Location: In the undersnow

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry Monks
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Willem



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 6306
Location: wasteland style

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

so it's 3:40 again and i just read the responses to my last post in this thread, waaayyyy back in december. i usually write these things at night and then wake up the next day and get so overwhelmed with something like shame and basically bail from the forum for a couple of days to a couple of weeks.

but i do read the responses and they're good and i agree and all that. the thing is that i'm not really worried about my academic future. i'll pass, probably even still this year. i've already got my history degree and this is much easier. it's just the reason why i'm not handing any papers/assignments that's worrying me. i had to hand in another one today. i was really going to do it. it was pretty easy, low-effort, had a subject and all, knew what to do and

didn't do it. since november i haven't handed in like 90% of my assignments. it's like my procrastination is reaching pathological levels and isn't limited to schoolwork. it's feels like i'm completely stuck, unable to change anything myself or do anything at all - from lifegoals to completely banal and basic things.

it's like i'm surrounded by a smothering haze. sometimes, i manage to break free. i'll feel inspired, ready to do what needs to be done, ready to take on the world - but that rarely lasts for longer than an hour. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen, to the point where something bad happening would be better than nothing happening at all. like the response from my school on me not handing in all those assignments, but i wouldn't know because i'm not checking my inbox either

it's like i can't handle anything and it's frustrating and demotivating and bad. my sleep pattern has been getting more and more fucked up over the last few weeks as well. going to bed after five in the morning isn't unheard of, waking up between two and four happens. it's sad, pathetic. it's not that i'm actually doing things until then. i check a couple of sites over and over again, i play games but don't enjoy them. (and at this point, playing a lot of videogames seems like a sign of Bad Times in willemland) i just do those things. they pass the time. getting out of bed is hell as well. not only because of the crazy sleeping pattern leaving me a wreck, but also just not wanting to get up.

my dad was driving me to the station today and i felt like it was symbolic or something. like i'm the passenger of my life instead of the driver. like i'm going nowhere useful and going there not on my own power but just going with the flow. or maybe a friend of mine crashing his car (gently) against his garage would be a more fitting image. his driveway was covered in ice and hitting the brakes did nothing, so he spent five seconds braking without effect, knowing he'd hit the garage and that he couldn't do anything about it. and then he did.

anyway, it's 4:11 and i'm going to go sleep i guess. thanks for reading or skimming this post that i wrote
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Dennis J. Squidbunny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3721
Location: AUSTRALIA YOU FAKIR

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Willem wrote:
my dad was driving me to the station today and i felt like it was symbolic or something. like i'm the passenger of my life instead of the driver.


hahahahaha, you fucking ponce.
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Dennis J. Squidbunny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3721
Location: AUSTRALIA YOU FAKIR

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

seriously thought, it sounds like you are very anxious and depressed.

Maybe dropping out would actually help you. Do you have a job? Take six months off and get a shitty job and play videogames guilt free, maybe? I don't know.

Just, I know its a bad sign when someone as cynical as you can say 'i feel like a passenger in my own life' with a straight face.
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6242
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read it. I would love to offer comforting words. But all I can say to you Willem is, snap the fuck out of it.

I had to go through three extra years of education before I could get to uni. Whilst working, full time. Proper working. Man, it was so hard. But it was worth it, because at the end I got to go to university.

So I got to university, and what I did is, I did fuck all. I carried on getting as drunk as I ever got, in fact I probably got drunker than ever. For a year. But that's okay because your first year at Uni in the UK is basically a free pass.

I got kicked out.

So I went and got a job - doing what I knew, bartending - and ended up making a career of it. And so much fun & this & that.

And yet here we are celebrating my third or fourth instance of 'Christ, my name is Mr Gary & I have no job'. I'm like a shit anime series. But I have gained wisdom. True wisdom, like a true forum occaisional plague.

So at 33 I'm unemployed, but I'm sat in McDonalds with a beautiful young woman, your age (younger, probably) as she tells me she's quitting vetinary college because it's too hard, and 'getting a real job is easier' and I basically ruin our friendship by yelling at her and telling her I'll always think she's smart, unless she makes the one stupid decision I know she's going to make, which is drop out of education.

And she uses the stupidest argument ever: well, you dropped out.

Willem, just wake the fuck up, drink a little less, study a little more, and remember which mess of a fucking pissed up puddle of former-student is telling you this.

Set an alarm for 9am. Get up at that time. Study. You'll feel tired early 'cos you got up early. Hang on & study more. When it comes to 11pm you'll be exhausted. So go to sleep. Drink at weekends. Fuck whenever you can. Hit the fucking books.

I could go on for pages & pages. But my initial statement sums it up nicely: snap the fuck out of it, study, party on the weekends, make a life.
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Arc Tempest



Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 4898
Location: Oregon

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 4:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What Gary said. If you can't kick yourself in the ass until you get back on track, try to find someone who can do it for you.

Be wary of dropping out. It's generally harder to get back in the flow than it is to knuckle down and fight through. Depression happens, burnout happens, if you can recognize that it's happening then you can do something about it.
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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 4:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Willem wrote:

didn't do it. since november i haven't handed in like 90% of my assignments. it's like my procrastination is reaching pathological levels and isn't limited to schoolwork. it's feels like i'm completely stuck, unable to change anything myself or do anything at all - from lifegoals to completely banal and basic things.


This has been me for the past, oh, 5 years or so. I have gotten marginally better the past half year, but still I procrastinate for no fucking reason and at the moment I'm looking at failing to hand in another paper. (hopefully not a big problem, I can get an extension probably.)

I mean, I have the absolutely worst record in school of anyone I've heard of. In 4 years of studying I managed to gather an impressive amount of literally 18 points total when I'm supposed to get 60 a year. There is absolutely no reason I can't do it, it's not difficult stuff or anything, I'm just avoiding the confrontation out of some feeling of insecurity I have no justification for.

I mean, Gary's advice won't work. You're smart enough to realize that the best thing to do is to get over it and work hard and get a future. Knowing that probably helps little.

But what I know is that even if you experience setbacks they don't negate what you've already done. Even if you don't manage to last longer than a week in doing the "normal" thing it's still better than nothing.
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