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Sinfest Secrets
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The most important tool for me has been the internet. It is easy to talk on forums and whatnot.

I've met people via the internet that I ended up hanging out with. The reason I got out to the Pacific Northwest in the first place was that an online friend had a friend who needed a roommate. Things fell out with that friend and the roommate after a couple years.

Then I met my partner, who understands anxiety stuff and has lots of friends who do too. And their friends do too. And so on.

It is pretty damned invaluable to have friends who totally understand if you say, "Hey, I know we planned this party for months, but you are triggering my roommate." and the other person replies, "Okay, that's cool, we can try this another time." And better still if they can already tell and suggest it themselves. Or people who don't get mad at flakiness if you decide for the umpteenth time, "No, I can't meet up with our group this week, sorry!"


I did try to be more social in local things, like the SCA or the unitarian church or volunteering. But I would exhaust myself, and before I knew I had social anxiety, I thought I was just dying with some undiagnosed thing. It was weird. And I couldn't work many hours anywhere, because that was too much social interaction for me. (To the point where I literally hid myself in a closet or the bathroom for long stretches of time to get through the day.)

I cut way back on social things, and I enjoy the ones I go to more. I have an art group and my job, a small gaming group, and not much else. Aside from more income, things are pretty much perfect,
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
I get around it by being as interesting as possible and starting up weird conversations in unexpected places. For instance, totally made a friend in the fabric store over the weekend because she laughed when I said I like ladybugs. I'm just lucky my anxiety is so peculiar about when it decides to set in.


That kind of thing happens for me too. People are always interested in projects I'm working on while on the bus, so i've made some friends that way. When I pass as male, it is extra fun because some of them are just happy to see a dude crocheting tiny monsters and grocery bags.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10880
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you ever seen someone about it? From my understanding you may never be Tony Robbins, but treatment can ease symptoms of social anxiety (there are both medication and non-medication options, too). Come back to me in five years and I'll treat you for cheap! Wink
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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1690
Location: Your Mom

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a fairly recent move, Marie, so it's possible you just didn't know. I actually haven't really talked about it much outside of Sinfest. I changed my location on FB and that's about it.

Also, I totally love meeting Sinfesters. And I guess Samsally's anxiety isn't so bad if she was willing to get into my car upon first meeting me.

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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yup, we have some good resources for mental health in Bellingham. So I am working on it, but not pushing myself too hard.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6558

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, honestly meeting people 1 on 1 is pretty easy for me and I'm grateful for that. (Also how could I possibly resist getting into a tiny sage bug? Cutest of cars)

I think mine has a lot more to do with the -amount- of people than the people themselves.

Stripey: sounds like you found a pretty cool group of people, for sure. It's awesome they're chill about anxiety. Not many people are, it seems.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
How do you meet amazing people?


Mostly, through the internet. Some of the most amazing people I have met have been through the internet.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Atrophy Annie wrote:
It's a fairly recent move, Marie, so it's possible you just didn't know. I actually haven't really talked about it much outside of Sinfest. I changed my location on FB and that's about it.

Also, I totally love meeting Sinfesters. And I guess Samsally's anxiety isn't so bad if she was willing to get into my car upon first meeting me.


Ah, I don't check FB often. I couldn't even tell you who I have friended on there or not for certain. I occasionally check to make sure some of my old friends and family who I have little contact with are still doing okay. And to keep up with photos of my m friends' kids and such, since they change so quickly!

I had intended to start uploading pictures and stuff on a more regular basis when I got my smartphone finally his past Christmas, but then I read that photos uploaded from phones can be traced back/reveal personal information about you. So yeah.

Anyway, what made you want to move out to Washington? And around what area are you? I have always been bummed that I was never able to make it to any of the numerous gatherings festers have had. I feel excited to think I may still be able to meet some very cool people I have wanted to within the next few years! Very Happy

I can't imagine anyone being afraid to meet you Patty, you have always been a friendly and genuine person. Smile
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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm in Bremerton and I moved here because I didn't have much choice. It's family-related, basically.

I'm probably too tiny to be scary (at first meeting).

Late response is laaaate.

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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
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Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 6:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I mentioned the offer of meeting Dogen to my gaming group and they were all, "Hey, we'd like to meet him too!" So maybe a get together could happen sometime.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10880
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm fine meeting new people in groups, if that's better for you all. Pick a time and a place. Tell me what I can bring.* I'm there.**


* I can't cook, and usually I just bring beer and/or wine to things, but I can buy that Haggen sampler with the four different dips like nobody's business.

** Work permitting.
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Finnegan



Joined: 01 May 2007
Posts: 1080
Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been out of touch for awhile which I'll hit on in another post but just to address a few things here:

Finnegan wrote:
well, since this is the secrets thread I don't mind admitting that this actually the longest I've gone with out a shower. The reason that not being able to take one is frustrating me so much is that sticking my head under a hot shower is one of my severe migraine go-to moves.


I miswrote this. I meant to say that it was actually not the longest I have gone without a shower. As an avid backpacker I've spent over a month on the appalachian trail with no shower. so what I had meant to say was that the only reason the showering prohibition was affecting me so much was the migraine-relief thing.

Secondly, I complain about being socially anxious now, and while this is currently a legitimate concern, it is compared to me previously always going to concerts and festivals, sometimes driving halfway across the country to get there, always on my own and always meeting people there that I end up feeling as close to as people I've known for years, I guess it's more an environmental thing, I go to a party where I don't know anyone and feel self-conscious but plop be down amidst a bunch of unwashed, drugged-up, half-naked, hippies and I've got friends for life.

Lately, when I'm in what I feel to be a socially-awkward situation I sing a mantra to myself in my head that makes things really surprisingly so much easier. It's from regina spektor's the ghost of corporate future . I just sing in my head:

people are just people
people are just people
people are just people like you

people are just people
they shouldn't make you nervous
people are just people like you.


it's partially the message and partially not being able not to feel positive when singing that in my head.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty, better late then never. Wink

You are really close to Seattle. I hope when we finally are able to make it back to the mainland that we will be able to meet-up!


I usually am afraid/nervous meeting new people because I am always afraid people won't like me. I have a long history of people judging me by how I look, coupled with my initial natural shyness around people, and creating a vision of who I am based on this and then later getting mad at me when I get comfortable enough to really be myself.

When I started talking with people online, I decided that I would be myself as openly as I could be. I'd rather have people get to know me first and make their decisions on what kind of person I am based on who I am inside instead of how I look or how they think I should be. It is a risky thing because at least when people mis-judge me in person I can tell console me that if they had gotten to know me, they may have not rejected me. But online, I am just me. So if someone dislikes me, then it is really me they dislike and that can hurt a lot. But I would rather know sooner, then later, before I get too emotionally invested in a person.

I have a hard time disengaging my emotionms from a person once they are created. Once i like someone, I will pretty much always like them, unless they turn out to be a horrible, evil, semi-psychopathic person. But even then, I find it difficult to completely dislike a person. Even people I should hate or that I actively still fear, I don't just hate. I have never learnt how to disengage my emotions, except with drugs/meds. Feeling like an emotionless borderline-sociopath is much worse then the risk of emotional pain though!

I really am too tired to be posting. The point I am trying to make, I believe, is that while I am nervous meeting people in person, there are some Festers I genuinely like and feel fondness towards and although I will be afraid, I also look forward to the chance to meet you guys finally!



Finnegan: I hope that the treatment is working well and that you are feeling better!

As you know, the drugs we have to take to relieve pain change us in sometimes unusual ways. Now that you are hopefully able to stay off some of them, maybe your anxiety will abate.
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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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Location: Your Mom

PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I live very close to the ferry which takes me right into downtown Seattle. It's pretty awesome!
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Finnegan



Joined: 01 May 2007
Posts: 1080
Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish that I felt worse about screwing over the people I care about and didn't get such a perverse sense of joy out of doing what I know clearly to be wrong.
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