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Life's Horrors
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 2835
Location: Behind you

PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to be offered to have a test drive near a factory of a brand new car and I'm already making excuses on why I can't. WHY AM I SUCH A COWARD ~.~
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10870
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The same reasons as everyone else: fear and anxiety. Try writing down a pro and con list, then talking about the cons with someone. They're usually something like, "I will crash the car and have to pay for it and/or kill lots of people," and then you talk about how rational that fear is (a lot of fears are simply irrational) and things you can do to reduce the possibility.

This works for anything over which you have minor anxiety. If it's more severe you'll need more work... but it's a place to start. Smile
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 2835
Location: Behind you

PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll try that in the weekend. Thanks Dogen.
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 6106
Location: California

PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

earthquakes aren't fun, but they're really super ultra omega not fun when you're basically at the epicenter

especially since you get all the aftershocks pretty much right under your feet too
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3591
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:55 pm    Post subject: Poor Rorschach. Reply with quote

Earthquakes are a lot more fun than having a pet die.
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10621
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Having to do peer reviews of screenplays.

It's painful, so very, very painful. Out of the three, one is kinda okay all around. One is flawless from a formatting standpoint, but the plot is a crack-pipe dream and all the characters have the same voice and there's a shit ton of pronouns used so it's confusing as fuck. The third one seems like they didn't even try to adhere to any sort of format, but the story is really interesting and the dialogue is good but OMFG are there so many typos and flat out wrong word choices (a thesaurus can be dangerous if misused). Part of me is thinking about saying "fuck it" to this assignment and taking a 0 for it, but it's worth 5% of my overall grade. Also, I don't want to help my competition become better. </venting>
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10870
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Peer reviews are right up there with group projects as the worst things about college. I always thought, "You don't know any more about this than I do, why are you giving me feedback?" In a microbiology course one time we had to give presentations on diseases and we got a number of "nice use of pictures" and then some "too many pictures" and a few "not enough pictures." Twenty minute presentations, all anyone could figure out how to critique were the visuals and how fast you talked.
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2001
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh god, the peer review presentations were brutal especially with a class full of would be teachers. I always got props in them for not using index cards/notes when I did my part of the presentation and making eye contact with people, never anything about the content I was presenting.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 855
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So today my mum met with my dad who is visiting from the Philippines* to talk about me (more specifically, my being trans) and mum showed him the informed consent form for hormones (which I haven't even been approved for anyway) without my permission, rang my psychologist and let my dad speak with him, and now he's coming along with me to my appointment tomorrow. All arranged without even consulting me at all. But it's okay, they're just "concerend because I'm their child" (I'm 19, almost 20, I am an adult), "I live under her roof", "I'm their responsibility".

The best part is I didn't even really realise this whole situation was fucked up until I talked about it with a friend, I'm just so used to this sort of stuff. I felt upset, but as usual felt like it didn't matter. So after friend telling me "wow that is a terrible violation of boundaries" and mum coming in to talk about it more I actually stood up to her to say how angry I was that she arranged all this without consulting me, but she basically said I had no right or reason to be upset.


*They've been divorced for ages, like ten years
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 2835
Location: Behind you

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ennis wrote:
So today my mum met with my dad who is visiting from the Philippines* to talk about me (more specifically, my being trans) and mum showed him the informed consent form for hormones (which I haven't even been approved for anyway) without my permission, rang my psychologist and let my dad speak with him, and now he's coming along with me to my appointment tomorrow. All arranged without even consulting me at all. But it's okay, they're just "concerend because I'm their child" (I'm 19, almost 20, I am an adult), "I live under her roof", "I'm their responsibility".

The best part is I didn't even really realise this whole situation was fucked up until I talked about it with a friend, I'm just so used to this sort of stuff. I felt upset, but as usual felt like it didn't matter. So after friend telling me "wow that is a terrible violation of boundaries" and mum coming in to talk about it more I actually stood up to her to say how angry I was that she arranged all this without consulting me, but she basically said I had no right or reason to be upset.


*They've been divorced for ages, like ten years


Man that sucks Ennis, you have all the right to be upset here. If I could, I'd totally block the door for your dad so he couldn't make it to your appointment. Did your psychologist approve of this or was s/he strung along as well?
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Echo



Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Posts: 693

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have my sympathy for that - it's hideous having someone have no concern for either your boundaries, or for your feelings when they trample all over the boundaries and tell you, wrongly, that you don't have any right to complain.

I'd go with talking to the psychologist - as you're an adult, I'm assuming that it's *your* consent they need for everything. So a word with them, along the lines of check-with-me-before-giving-out-information-or-agreeing-to-anything, might help make the point that your parents need to talk to you, not just decide based on what they think and want.

And ideally, having them talk to your parents in the hope that your parents will actually listen to them on the subject of trampling all over your boundaries.

Anyway, I hope you find a way to get it sorted out so they at least ask you before doing stuff.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17392
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

did your psychologist actually tell your dad anything? i don't know what the laws are in australia, but that seems unethical, if not actually illegal, especially as you are (for most purposes) an adult. the fact that you live with your mom, i would think, is irrelevant.

but definitely talk to your psychologist, and make it clear that you do _not_ want information about you shared without your express permission.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 855
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It turned out to be kind of better than expected, my psychologist didn't tell him anything (patient confidentiality) and Dad told me he didn't have to come to the session. Mum seems to have been the one who did most of the invasive things and just sort of convinced Dad to go along. However, when Dad came over to pick me up for the appointment we had a brief chat, which like previous times (when I was with him in the Philippines) was extremely upsetting. He does genuinely care but in a supremely unhelpful way, like he's concerned I'm going to ruin my life and be ostracised from society and have permanent changes I don't want so he thinks I should wait ten years (he literally said "even if you wait ten years I think that's only just enough time to make a decision" or something to that effect) before I do anything. And he also goes on about how men and women are inherently different from childhood, they play differently, blah blah gender essentialism. I can say it flippantly now but during the conversation it was much more serious and stressful, I ended up crying Neutral

But I went to the psychologist and ended up just having a one-on-one session with him and we decided to come up with a plan to have another session with my dad tomorrow to hopefully get him to stop saying such upsetting things and maybe engender just a little more understanding.

My psychologist told me what my dad said to him on the phone though, and one thing that stuck with me was he said something like "Ennis goes all mushy over cats and cute things" guessing as a thing like "look at this girly behaviour, so not not a girl". And I know it's such a stupid thing, and if someone had said this straight to me I probably would have laughed at the sheer stupidity of it (do you think the millions if not billions of views on cat videos is all women?) but it just really got to me and I kind of broke down, because when I was with him I was constantly thinking about that sort of thing in the back of my mind, like "this behaviour isn't very masculine, I hope it doesn't get used against me" and to know that I wasn't being paranoid, that basically everything I feared was correct... kind of broke something in me. The hope that I wasn't being constantly judged, I guess. It's such a weird place to be in, being non-binary but wanting to transition, getting held to some standard of being a man even though I'm not one and don't even get read as male usually, by someone who refuses to use my pronouns or see me as anything other than a girl anyway. Like, he literally called me a "smart girl" today, just before we went to the psychologist. And yet I still feel like I'm the one failing, I should have been more staunch and not said anything about the cats. I guess in a way I got what I wanted, at least I'm being seen as failing at masculinity rather than femininity. Like, that's how I imagine I would be if I were read as male. [extremely sarcastic tone] Maybe one day I'll have the joy of being gender policed in a simpler way.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10870
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's awful that your family can't support you being who you are, even enough to use the right pronouns. It sounds like a stressful home life, whether you're with your mom or visiting your dad. Sad
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3591
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:34 am    Post subject: Old enough to make decisions, just not wise ones. Reply with quote

Ennis wrote:
(I'm 19, almost 20, I am an adult)



If you ask me, there's probably no such thing as an adult, not in this world anyway.
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