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The Movie Thread
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did a search for "Dr Horrible 2", since I heard they'd been planning on making it and I hadn't heard anything about it in a while, and all the search came up with was yet another reason for me to hate "The Avengers."

Sad day.
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TIAB



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just watched Timeline after reading and thoroughly enjoying the book. I was prepared for some creative liberties to be taken for the sake of condensing the story... what I saw made me feel like I needed to scrub my brain clean of dirt that will never wash off.

Of the five female characters in the book, two were dropped entirely, one was cast as a man, one was left mostly unchanged in terms of basic character but lost any sort of character arc, and the last was turned from a cunning pragmatist into stereotypical blank canvas arm candy, just waiting for a man to save her.

All of the interesting and intriguing details that created the actual mystery of the story were either dumbed down, removed or completely ignored. Imagine Jurassic Park without any explanation of the frog DNA, how they are breeding, no computer virus, no restarting the system, or even raptors figuring out how to solve problems. Just an hour and a half of panicked people trying to escape mindless, bloodthirsty dinosaurs. Only instead of dinosaurs, it's knights and infantry from the 14th century who all inexplicably speak perfect modern day English, despite that the language as we know it didn't fucking exist then.

They basically turned a brilliant story along the lines of Jurassic Park into a silly action movie along the lines of Superman 2, or Lethal Weapon 4. What kind of monster could do that? Oh, it was directed by Richard Donner? Huh...
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Arc Tempest



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honestly, I thought most of Crichton's stuff after Airframe was kinda terrible, but the Timeline movie took it to whole new levels.

"Night arrows!"

"No! Fuck you! Not being on fire doesn't make them fucking night arrows! They're just fucking arrows!"

/Nuke the screenwriter's home from orbit
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AND NOW FOR A PECULIAR KIND OF INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS






A Vague Running Commentary on Disney's FROZEN
Written in Real Time as I Watch it for the First and Probably Only Time
By the Esteemed ME

It will be long and rambly.
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*opening title scene*
That's some nice use of texture! Very nice.


wow they really aren't taking any precautions against getting wet, are they
splash splash
but of course they're not going to get hypothermia (not yet, anyway)
cuz it's a cartoon

dat's some pretty CGI ice, though


okay, now they're setting the tone
LICK hahaha

curse of the magic user, eh? Eh.

very tragic

haha, dat carrot

*searches* aha!

...

wow, this song is really dragging on
I guess they're having fun with it
she's interacting with the environment in interesting ways, very dynamic
wooo, high budget 3d animation
but
I GET IT ALREADY, OKAY
you've taken like five minutes to say one thing and now you're introducing a change but there's another five minutes of anticipation
urgh


"JUST you," dohohoh! *fans*
...
oh, so she's pulling a reverse King Midas on us
unable to touch gold without turning it into ice!

...

sprightly indeed!

dem sideburns tho
woooo


awwwww

now I'm grinning like an idiot
WAIT AAAAAAA TOO FAST
...
HAH.


aaaand the jig is up!
the jig? the gig? where does that phrase come from? Illegal dancing in Ireland? A failed contract job?
Either way, this is where the story needed to go half an hour ago, and this thing hasn't even been going for 28 minutes! Huzzah!

"she would never--"
--she already has, derp
hence the contrived dragging conflict of the _first_ fifteen minutes and the entire set-up of this film

okay, so the setup was necessary. That doesn't make it any less dull. Even the fancy high-budget animation can't do that.

...

A wild theme reappears! And it isn't dragging! And more neat graphics!
you go, guuurl!

...

aaand this happens
but it isn't as scary as it should be, for a number of reasons

clunky frozen cloth! This is the first time the animation's failed in a way that pulled me out of the story. It'll probably happen at least once more, seeing as these character models are fairly doll-like.

CARROTS! YES.

and trope awareness!
THIS GUY WITH THE SLEIGH THINKS THE SAME WAY I DO
the ice guy from before
WAIT HE WAS THE KID AT THE BEGINNING
I GET IT
but of course they have to have some sort of chase
Oh! his name is krissomething
maybe I should turn the volume up

oh no

no no no
so that's where that awful snowman is from
no no no
no
oh
no
it's only going to get worse
he's starting to sing!
NO
no
nonononono



oh, good, the scene's changing

nice prince has good PR
new conflict is new!

And the ice guy krissomething likes ice! WUNDERBAR!

...
oh right
the heart
this was foreshadowed! Quite disappointing, actually. And the characters won't even know the significance of this until they get back to --

...
oh, very punny *facepalm*

...
These guys again! I like these guys!


aaaaand the course of the entire rest of the movie just became obvious. All of the pieces are in place, and their pattern of trope use and aversion is consistent. I can stop watching now! Huzzah!

The End.
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Last edited by Heretical Rants on Thu Feb 06, 2014 3:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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TIAB



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 3:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arc Tempest wrote:
Honestly, I thought most of Crichton's stuff after Airframe was kinda terrible, but the Timeline movie took it to whole new levels.

"Night arrows!"

"No! Fuck you! Not being on fire doesn't make them fucking night arrows! They're just fucking arrows!"

/Nuke the screenwriter's home from orbit


I was actually prepared for some... creative liberties to be taken with the story, but so many were just stupid and inexplicable, and there were so many arbitrary changes made from the very beginning. Ten minutes in and there were already a dozen changes and it just kept getting worse... so much worse.
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 3:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Previously on Heretical Rambles wrote:

aaaaand the course of the entire rest of the movie just became obvious. All of the pieces are in place, and their pattern of trope use and aversion is consistent. I can stop watching now! Huzzah!


...eh, I'll watch it anyway. Only a half hour-ish left, yea?

....
yup, right on course
....

pffff. Why does that ship gotta fall apart at that exact moment?
still on course, though
...

Hm. The angstsplosion had the opposite effect to what I thought it would. Same ultimate result, though.

Very sisterly. Much Disney. Wow.







....



I object! A punch to the face isn't punishment enough! ... Oh, good.


aaaaand our protagonist just ruined thousands of lives out of petty vindictiveness but this is portrayed as a positive thing, wooowww

The End (for real this time)

pretty ending credits tho

FIN.




Overall, decent enough. i guess
but I'm Never Gonna Watch it Again (tm)
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Star Wars VII surprise? There's not really any: http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-27221191
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mouse



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PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2014 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm afraid the big surprise is going to be how incredibly old the original actors are. poor mark hamill looks like a double for emperor palpatine, in that photo.

i seem to recall, way back when, that lucas planned a trilogy of trilogies, and this seems to fit that pattern (it should focus on the next generation, after the empire fell)...not too sure where it is really going to go, however.
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Arc Tempest



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PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 3:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

From the list of movies I never actually expected to be good: Pain and Gain.

I hate to endorse a Michael Bay movie, but it's flat out excellent.
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WheelsOfConfusion



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PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 5:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
i'm afraid the big surprise is going to be how incredibly old the original actors are. poor mark hamill looks like a double for emperor palpatine, in that photo.

One of his current roles is voicing an immortal Yeti who does handiwork at a recreational park. The character sounds like Hammill looks these days.
Still the best Joker, though.

*edit* Here's what I mean.


Last edited by WheelsOfConfusion on Thu May 15, 2014 4:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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TIAB



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PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

He was also impressive as Fire Lord Ozai.

If he's a villain in the new movie(s), I'm completely on board.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm probably not going to watch the new Star Wars movies

but 茶の味 brings me surreal nostalgia yet again

here's the trailer with English subtitles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NcBL6cYGL4

one of my favorite movies of all time
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PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Watched In Your Eyes last night and was impressed all around. Then again, I knew nothing about the film going in, so your mileage may vary.

Saw Godzilla tonight on IMAX, because, well, if you're going to watch a giant lizard smash stuff, make sure it's actually giant. It was good. Fairly solid story, slightly slow pacing but it didn't drag on at all and the final battle was pretty satisfying.

Next I plan to see the new X Men movie at an outdoor theater that recently reopened.
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Arc Tempest



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PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thoughts while watching the Expendables 2:

This is the single most aggressively stupid action sequence I've ever seen.

That guy is far too young to be in this movie. He's gonna die.

Really good thing that plane is immune to anti-aircraft guns.

Wait, how did the dead man walking get out of there? They just kind of left him on a cliff in enemy territory.

So he's talented, humble, and about to leave the life for love. This guy is beyond fucked.

Get a vantage? You can't see 15 feet for fucking fog, is "get a vantage" code for "wander off and get conveniently killed by bad guys?"

Wait, is that an evil Ben Stiller?

Oh, look at that, the kid wearing a big sign saying "I'M GONNA DIE" and whose every line of dialogue translated to "I'M GONNA DIE" has gone and died. I have no idea how anyone could possibly have seen that coming.

OH SHIT LOOK OUT FOR THE BAD CGI TANK!

OH SHIT, CHUCK NORRIS FACTS. THIS MOVIE OFFICIALLY HAS WORSE WRITING THAN BARRENS CHAT.

The bad guy's name is Vilain? Really? Is this actually a sequel to Austin Powers and no one told me?

Oh, you found the plutonium? Congratulations! You're all dead from radiation poisoning.

There is no way they shot that line of soldiers without also shooting all the miners behind them.

The only thing better than Norris ex machina, SCHWARZENEGGER EX MACHINA.

So, the "good guys" just blindly opened fire onto a crowded airport. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.

I like how they only take cover when they feel like chatting.

I sincerely hope there is a hell for people who get this self-referential. All eternity with their own heads stuck literally up their own asses.

EVIL BEN STILLER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just fucking shoot him you fucking idiot.

Poor Van Damme, killed by a senseless act of CGI.

Wait, so they stopped to take a picture of soon to be dead guy for posterity while on the job? Was it so obvious that even the characters knew he was going to die?

Anticlimactic ending is anticlimactic.
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Darqcyde



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tonight was Taco Tuesday and yes, everything was awesome.


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