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Life's Horrors
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2069
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
one of my good friends died unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. we hadn't spoken in too long, and now i never can again. i am utterly unequipped to deal with this.


So sorry to hear. Has to be absolutely awful to lose a good friend like that.
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Eureka00: "Reminding you of your addictions" since 1982.
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Absynthe



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 713

PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
one of my good friends died unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. we hadn't spoken in too long, and now i never can again. i am utterly unequipped to deal with this.


That's a horrible thing to deal with. I hope you find some way to cope with this.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7584

PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you. luckily I've got someone supporting me so I'm not alone. that helps.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 11068

PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very sorry to hear that Samsally
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7584

PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

navigating grief is so fucking surreal.

i keep thinking i see him. or i start crying virtually at random. those make sense though. weirdest so far is for a whole day my sense of smell was completely wrong. my body keeps forgetting how to regulate heat properly. it's.. intertwining with my anxiety, which is probably where the weird physical stuff is coming from.

i don't know. it's still just awful. he's still gone. my aunt is probably not gonna go into remission. people die for no reason and it's so dumb. it's so stupid and senseless and all people do is try to find meaning where there isn't any. there's no reason. it just is and i hate it.
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The Victim Here



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2944
Location: Wed May 05, 2004 8:27 am

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

After seeing Samsally talk about losing their friend and staying silent, I don't know if it feels like it "fits" to talk about my own sadness? I would have felt disingenuous talking about how sorry I am for their sorrow after being away for so long, being so distant that it would have been like a highschool facebook friend saying "sorry for your loss". But grief is weird and grief is hard and talking about it, about anyone's grief, is strange to me. I'm trying to process things in a healthier way, and screaming into the empty-ish void that this forum is seems like a good shout to me. Just somewhere real and tangible where I empty some thoughts out to.

My uncle died on Friday. He was born with down syndrome, and he made the most of his life. He was a special Olympian, he made pottery and sculpture, and he cared for me deeply as his godchild. I mentioned my aunt earlier, when I first came back here; she was the primary carer for my uncle and my granny. About 6 months after her death, my uncle's condition deteriorated rapidly. Over this time, he developed cataracts and was briefly blind, he developed Parkinsons, and finally dementia. February just gone, he had turned 58, and we had to put him in a care home, as he was occasionally locking up and fell over more than once. My grandmother is 98. A bad fall on her, and that would be tragedy. On the morning he died, he was being helped with his shirt. He said his heart felt funny. He died before the shirt was on.

It doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm going to go see him tomorrow.

I think it's hit my granny the hardest of all. She lost her daughter, whom she saw wither away from cancer, and she lost her son, who was taken away mentally before his actual death. She said she felt she was left to look after him, to care for and comfort him. She's looks so lost now and its hard.
Its hard too see her so very soulfully sad and its hard to think of anything I can do to help that isn't just being there, and I know being there helps,
but it doesn't feel like enough.

I don't know if this helped. I think it made it feel a little more real.

I might delete this and put in a sad cat gif or something if I turn out to be a coward. I probably won't. There's almost no one out in the real world,
or even the digital world who knows this nickname and to connect me to it.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 21315
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's nice to think anonymous shouting at forums can be of _some_ use, and i hope it helps you.

i wouldn't let not commenting on some else's griefs stop you (or anyone else) - as you've probably noticed, saying something that doesn't sound stupid or trivial is particularly hard at a time like that, and so we all put off saying anything, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

i don't know you or Samsally other than from what you both have posted here, any more than you know me. but i can feel the pain of your loses in your words, and you've both made enough of a positive impression on me that i feel badly that you both are so sad. i know from my own experiences that when you lose someone you care about, not even your nearest and dearest can make the pain go away or even fix it much, with anything they say or do, so there are certainly limits on what a stranger on the internet can do to help. but just in case it helps, please accept my sympathy, and my good thoughts. it sounds like you lost an amazing person. i know you are frightened of losing another one. i hope you find things that help you process that (knowing that however you process it, it will still hurt). and as far as i am concerned, if shouting here helps, feel free to do so. (you can always add a sad cat gif later.)

and give your granny a hug, to make both of you feel better. i wish i could hug you both.
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Absynthe



Joined: 07 Dec 2006
Posts: 713

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love and grief connect us like few other emotions. I have no comparison to your situation, but I've known both love and grief and the unreal feeling of being lost when someone is suddenly no longer there.
I'll never know exactly what other people are feeling, but I know they're feeling it and hurting and I hope they, you, find comfort.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 11068

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear that TVH. Feel free to talk about it! Your uncle sounds like a great guy.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7584

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

seriously, don't not talk about it on my account.

the shitty thing about grief is that there's never really a good response. nothing "fixes" the problem. you just... adjust and keep going. which seems callous and wrong.

your uncle sounds like a sweet guy. it's hardest when you know the world is a worse place without them in it.
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The Victim Here



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2944
Location: Wed May 05, 2004 8:27 am

PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. It helped putting the words here, made it easier to talk to my friends about what happened and how it impacted me.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7584

PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2018 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i remember when this thread was just little inconveniences? I'm glad it's a place people can grieve, but i miss complaining about dumb shit too.

anyway I'm resurrecting it for petty shit because i can and because the real horrors haven't gone away and I'm not ready to post about them.

right now I'm mad at this persistent headache and the brain weasels keeping me from arguing elsewhere. i used to be not-shitty at it, but lately i feel like I've lost every ounce of focus i have.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 21315
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 3:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

my sympathies, especially for the brain weasels.

i have just come to the realization that i can never, ever get a serious illness. so far this month, i have been sick with a) a bad reaction to a new medicine (3 days); b) food poisoning (2 days) and c) a cold (4 days and counting). so not even two weeks (and not even continuous), and i'm already so completely done with being sick, i am tired of feeling yucky and it just needs to end, now, because i just can't take it any more.

i am going to be so totally pathetic if i ever actually get something really bad that involves actual pain or real inconvenience.
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The Victim Here



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2944
Location: Wed May 05, 2004 8:27 am

PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's either new job stress, or the change in sleeping patterns or this whole eating more fruit thing I'm doing but

I can't stop fartin' all the time. Like, a whole lot.
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Taemon



Joined: 08 Aug 2013
Posts: 2190
Location: Europe

PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Victim Here wrote:
It's either new job stress, or the change in sleeping patterns or this whole eating more fruit thing I'm doing but

I can't stop fartin' all the time. Like, a whole lot.

All those can have that effect on me. It should pass. Maybe postpone the more fruit eating until the job stress and sleep patterns have settled?

My first training week for the new job I fell ill! I'm never ill! That's my superpower!
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