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all poetry..not just goth?
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PsycoMonkey



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 447

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i am pissy...someone stole my radar detector

fucking assholes they are!

and dro...i didnt say i wrote it..i just said its one of lifes little pleasures



FUCK

i need that radar detector cuz im always speeding Crying or Very sad
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Sojobo



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 2431

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dude.

JohnMytton and myself both offered useful and honest critique. Rhyme is utterly useless without rhythm. If you're looking for something to pass along to "your friend," that's what you should tell him.
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PsycoMonkey



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 447

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i will..but when people start being hateful..it kind of becomes pointless

thanks people..and i mean it

on a side note...where can i get a good radar detector for under $150 in the states? (and please dont say ebay)
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 7562

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
i will..but when people start being hateful..it kind of becomes pointless


good thing you don't write poetry.

you are soft like woman
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Sojobo



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 2431

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
i will..but when people start being hateful..it kind of becomes pointless

thanks people..and i mean it

Don't get me wrong... I was being hateful, too.
*glares*
I was just mentioning that even in the midst of the hate, some of us are giving honest opinions and critique, just like you asked. The hating doesn't invalidate that.
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3850

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
and dro...i didnt say i wrote it..i just said its one of lifes little pleasures

Ok, you wrote:
PsycoMonkey wrote:
writing a poem to cheer up your girlfriend that turns out really retarded but still makes her really happy

as an abstract concept? You say this so therefore your statement:
PsycoMonkey wrote:
i dont write poetry
is true. I don't know. It is plausible, I guess, that you would be reflecting on the little pleasures of life, and even though you yourself have never written poetry you think to yourself, "hmm, it would be pleasurable to write some poetry that is not so good, but just because it is from me it makes my girlfriend happy... yes, that is indeed a pleasure I am sure even though I have never experienced it because of course I do not write poetry".
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John Mytton



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 607

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
i am pissy...someone stole my radar detector

fucking assholes they are!

and dro...i didnt say i wrote it..i just said its one of lifes little pleasures



FUCK

i need that radar detector cuz im always speeding Crying or Very sad

You could just accept the consequences of not obeying the law.
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 7562

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

or weakly attempt to change the subject again


try something not about whining
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HamletSr



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 241
Location: The Illustrated Guide to Diagnostic Tests

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:25 am    Post subject: Re: all poetry..not just goth? Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
what does people think about this poem type short thingy??

Quote:
In this dark, you are my light
you saved me from deaths knife
and gave me the strength to fight
so i give you my life

In to this ever growing hole
came an angel from above
emflaming the passion of my soul
it is you who i love


i wanted an honest opinion...give me an honest opinion...instead of spamming about my posts yourself...sheesh


words to take out/replace (if i were your creative writing instructor): dark light strength fight life enflaming soul love.

this is basically a really bad poem (honestly). I recommend a complete revamping, or a redo. Please do not give this poem to someone you love except as a joke.
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HamletSr



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 241
Location: The Illustrated Guide to Diagnostic Tests

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

nathan wrote:
It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."

I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did.


nathan. sometimes people (poets) dont capitalize or punctuate or even spell correctly. i dont see this as the problem with this poem.
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