Sinfest

mouse · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 15450 Location: under the bed

it sounds like your mom may be depressed, meddler - i take it her lack of interest in cleaning it is fairly recent? that may be the thing you need to tackle first. if not - is she really resistant to you doing some cleaning up and cleaning out? what does she say when you ask permission?
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Mr. Meddler · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:18 am Post subject:

No, it's been throughout the years. But, to be fair, I have the habit to refuse to help because I am sure she could do it herself, or me by myself (I have a fierce independence streak). I might be going through this the wrong way, as you might gather.

And to be honest, I haven't tried asking, but I suggested many times that if I could be given free rein over things, I'd do it much quicker. No response has come up.
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mouse · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 15450 Location: under the bed

sounds like you may have sent some mixed signals. maybe instead of just suggesting you be put in charge, you make a solid offer to do something specific, like clean out the garage? (without any implied criticism that might come across in "i'd do it quicker"). or even just straight out announce you are going to do it - "i think i'll clean out the garage on saturday", with an option for her to veto what gets hauled out to the dump. if she completely freaks out at the idea, maybe you can find out what the real issue is - otherwise, even if she doesn't let you toss everything that you think should be tossed, it should get you somewhere. then you can maybe start taking over other cleaning jobs.
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Pint · Joined: 06 Apr 2012 Posts: 571

I agree with Mouse. Help out with little things. Be specific and un-accusing when you bring up what you are doing to help. Something tends to happen in life to make this occur. Really specific/personal stories to follow... My mom was very poor growing up, so she has a hard time buying the right amount of food without it going bad because she doesn't want an empty fridge. She also doesn't like to throw away things because she fears the day that she may not be able to afford them. It took us many years to help her overcome some of those things and show her that she has the money to do so. The first event was something that occurred during her childhood and the next was after leaving my father and living on a shoestring while trying to support him and her.

Halen · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 1877 Location: England

Do you think it's a bad idea to buy Christine The Anal Midget for valentine's day?

Jinx · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:10 pm Post subject:

Depends on what reaction you're looking for, I would imagine.
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Halen · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 1877 Location: England

I have no idea what to buy. At this stage it's underwear (which she doesn't want), or pet rabbits (which she's told me not to buy).

Darqcyde · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:44 pm Post subject:

Dogen · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 9297 Location: Bellingham, WA

I'm terrible at buying gifts for people. I considered learning a skill like woodworking just so I'd be able to make something for people... but you can only make people so many spice racks before they stop enjoying them (I think the limit is three). I usually ended up, for Valentine's, doing something rather than buying something. I've got romance coming out of my ass, you see. I can woo. I CAN!

Anyway, good luck with that.
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Halen · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 1877 Location: England

Yea, I'll be working all valentine's day, and then in the evening there will be a 6 year old and an 11 year old in the house causing havoc and she will have major jetlag from a 13 hour flight.

And I don't think another bloody drawing will cut it Smile

Samsally · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 5313

Does she have any hobbies you could buy supplies for? Even something that's not traditionally romantic can be really nice if it's thoughtful and tailored to the person.
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Jinx · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:42 pm Post subject:

Dogen · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 9297 Location: Bellingham, WA

I like that idea. Do something to help with her jetlag, but in a romantic way. Bubble bath with candles and wine... take the kids out for a couple of hours. Then maybe follow it up in the morning with breakfast in bed before you head to work, just because.

That would totally work on me.
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"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. I’ll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

Mizike · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 5120 Location: Iowa City

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10431

Black latex is very good for jetlag, I hear