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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

it sounds like your mom may be depressed, meddler - i take it her lack of interest in cleaning it is fairly recent? that may be the thing you need to tackle first. if not - is she really resistant to you doing some cleaning up and cleaning out? what does she say when you ask permission?
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Mr. Meddler



Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 1600
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, it's been throughout the years. But, to be fair, I have the habit to refuse to help because I am sure she could do it herself, or me by myself (I have a fierce independence streak). I might be going through this the wrong way, as you might gather.

And to be honest, I haven't tried asking, but I suggested many times that if I could be given free rein over things, I'd do it much quicker. No response has come up.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17581
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sounds like you may have sent some mixed signals. maybe instead of just suggesting you be put in charge, you make a solid offer to do something specific, like clean out the garage? (without any implied criticism that might come across in "i'd do it quicker"). or even just straight out announce you are going to do it - "i think i'll clean out the garage on saturday", with an option for her to veto what gets hauled out to the dump. if she completely freaks out at the idea, maybe you can find out what the real issue is - otherwise, even if she doesn't let you toss everything that you think should be tossed, it should get you somewhere. then you can maybe start taking over other cleaning jobs.
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Pint



Joined: 06 Apr 2012
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Mouse. Help out with little things. Be specific and un-accusing when you bring up what you are doing to help. Something tends to happen in life to make this occur. Really specific/personal stories to follow... My mom was very poor growing up, so she has a hard time buying the right amount of food without it going bad because she doesn't want an empty fridge. She also doesn't like to throw away things because she fears the day that she may not be able to afford them. It took us many years to help her overcome some of those things and show her that she has the money to do so. The first event was something that occurred during her childhood and the next was after leaving my father and living on a shoestring while trying to support him and her.
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Halen



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you think it's a bad idea to buy Christine The Anal Midget for valentine's day?
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Jinx



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Depends on what reaction you're looking for, I would imagine.
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Halen



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have no idea what to buy. At this stage it's underwear (which she doesn't want), or pet rabbits (which she's told me not to buy).
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
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Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Halen wrote:
I have no idea what to buy. At this stage it's underwear (which she doesn't want), or pet rabbits (which she's told me not to buy).

Bunny lingerie?
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm terrible at buying gifts for people. I considered learning a skill like woodworking just so I'd be able to make something for people... but you can only make people so many spice racks before they stop enjoying them (I think the limit is three). I usually ended up, for Valentine's, doing something rather than buying something. I've got romance coming out of my ass, you see. I can woo. I CAN!

Anyway, good luck with that.
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Halen



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea, I'll be working all valentine's day, and then in the evening there will be a 6 year old and an 11 year old in the house causing havoc and she will have major jetlag from a 13 hour flight.

And I don't think another bloody drawing will cut it Smile
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Does she have any hobbies you could buy supplies for? Even something that's not traditionally romantic can be really nice if it's thoughtful and tailored to the person.
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Jinx



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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Location: America, fuck yeah!

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Halen wrote:
Yea, I'll be working all valentine's day, and then in the evening there will be a 6 year old and an 11 year old in the house causing havoc and she will have major jetlag from a 13 hour flight.

And I don't think another bloody drawing will cut it :)


Give her space from the kids, and a way to relax. Maybe have a scented bath, calming music, and wine for her to enjoy while you keep the kiddos otherwise occupied. A romantic gesture doesn't require your presence. ;-)
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like that idea. Do something to help with her jetlag, but in a romantic way. Bubble bath with candles and wine... take the kids out for a couple of hours. Then maybe follow it up in the morning with breakfast in bed before you head to work, just because.

That would totally work on me.
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Mizike



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 5133
Location: Iowa City

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jinx wrote:
Halen wrote:
Yea, I'll be working all valentine's day, and then in the evening there will be a 6 year old and an 11 year old in the house causing havoc and she will have major jetlag from a 13 hour flight.

And I don't think another bloody drawing will cut it Smile


Give her space from the kids, and a way to relax. Maybe have a scented bath, calming music, and wine for her to enjoy while you keep the kiddos otherwise occupied. A romantic gesture doesn't require your presence. Wink


I like this, but put the Anal Midget in the tub. Just to cover all the bases.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10729

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Black latex is very good for jetlag, I hear
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