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"why we love the british"
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 21315
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:46 am    Post subject: "why we love the british" Reply with quote

from netscape, but i couldn't resist:

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
(The Times)

5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)
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JohnnyStrider



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1619
Location: The Northeast Coast

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:48 am    Post subject: Re: "why we love the british" Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)


And suddenly TVH makes much more sense.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 11068

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:21 am    Post subject: Re: "why we love the british" Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)


hey who are you calling british!!




ACTUALLY, NUMBER FOUR SOUNDS IRISH TOO
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Halen



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1885
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those wacky british. They're so quaint.
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Michael



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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't stop giggling at number four though Smile
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Valp



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Location: In a big swedish social experiment

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not that I'm a fan of Nazi-Germany but that POW's attitude made me laugh.
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Uncle Bebby



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

they are ever so charming, yes they are, YES THEY ARE, COOCHICOOCHICOO!
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The Victim Here



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Glares at mouse.*
Since when was I British, and when I was I gonna be told?
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mouse



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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

_i_ didn't call you british. blame the guardian. and johnny strider.

...you gotta admit, though, it _is_ pretty funny, you know, about the stolen special branch car...

and the inflatable lobster. it's so sad - i live right next to an ocean, and yet we appear to have neither inflatable lobsters nor even inflatable teeth. and england apparently is swarming with the things.

i _must_ get to england before i die.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:11 pm    Post subject: Re: "why we love the british" Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
(The Times)

That's the sort of thing I'd expect from Al.
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cixelsyD
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Halen wrote:
Those wacky british. They're so quaint.


They are like little people.
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Uncle Taylorbell



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3191
Location: Northern England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Aww, look at them! They think they're people!"
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Uncle Benny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 8129

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BELL!!!
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Uncle Taylorbell



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3191
Location: Northern England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BENNY!

I have 18 minutes left online this week. PM your phone number & address right away man!!! It's THAT IMPORTANT!
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Uncle Benny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 8129

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BUT YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

...

and my heart.
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