Sinfest

PsycoMonkey · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447

what does people think about this poem type short thingy??

cletusowns · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 496 Location: Oak Park

POST LESS LURK MORE SPAMMER
_________________

Varst Kolcimb · Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:27 pm Post subject:

John Mytton · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 607

Your poetry is horrible. The rhythm goes to shit in the second line, and I wasn't masochistic enough to read further. Also, the difference in syllables between the lines is distracting. If you can't read it in your head without trying really hard or listening to a metal song, it's generally a sign you should give it up.

nathan · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 6277

It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."

I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did.
_________________
All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last. - Marky Mark Proust

John Mytton · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 607

At first I thought you were angry at me, and I was confused.

trustedfaith · Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:30 am Post subject:

Sojobo · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 2419

I'll go ahead and be a little more positive than other people, by which I mean I'm not gonna say anything directly about the poem. If you are interested in improving your writing of poetry, reading up on Meter is probably the best place to start.
_________________
"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine

Dro · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 3850

Well, I think it is sweet, if this is the poem you referred to earlier. I doubt the person you gave it to will cast a critical eye on it.

Although, the juxtaposition of "ever growing hole" and "enflaming" in the second stanza did make me flash back to the gaint Thai dinner I had yesterday and the unfortunate repercussions today.

PsycoMonkey · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447

fuck people..i didnt write it..i dont write poetry

Major Tom · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 7562

i think that's rude to present someone else's work, perhaps without permission and certainly without explanation.

Sojobo · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 2419

Dro · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 3850

PsycoMonkey · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447

if i told yall it was something my friend wrote or something..what would you have done? insult my friend? what if i told you my sister wrote it? would you say bad things about her..and then probably the rest of my family?..well..i dont know crap about poetry and one of my friends asked me to critique it before i knew what happened..then they disappapeared from the internet so i was hoping for some help..i dont know crap about poetry..or anything..and i dont really care..i just wanted some honest answers and figured that was the easiest way to get them..sorry if it pissed you off

Major Tom · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 7562

you sound more pissy than sorry.