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all poetry..not just goth?
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PsycoMonkey



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 447

PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:41 pm    Post subject: all poetry..not just goth? Reply with quote

what does people think about this poem type short thingy??

Quote:
In this dark, you are my light
you saved me from deaths knife
and gave me the strength to fight
so i give you my life

In to this ever growing hole
came an angel from above
emflaming the passion of my soul
it is you who i love


i wanted an honest opinion...give me an honest opinion...instead of spamming about my posts yourself...sheesh


Last edited by PsycoMonkey on Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cletusowns



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 496
Location: Oak Park

PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

POST LESS LURK MORE SPAMMER
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Varst Kolcimb



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Any where I want to be

PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cletusowns wrote:
POST LESS LURK MORE SPAMMER


What he said.
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John Mytton



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 607

PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your poetry is horrible. The rhythm goes to shit in the second line, and I wasn't masochistic enough to read further. Also, the difference in syllables between the lines is distracting. If you can't read it in your head without trying really hard or listening to a metal song, it's generally a sign you should give it up.
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nathan



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6282

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."

I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did.
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John Mytton



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 607

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

At first I thought you were angry at me, and I was confused.
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trustedfaith



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3366
Location: My own little world...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

nathan wrote:
It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."

I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did.


Well said Nathan.
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Sojobo



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 2443

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll go ahead and be a little more positive than other people, by which I mean I'm not gonna say anything directly about the poem. If you are interested in improving your writing of poetry, reading up on Meter is probably the best place to start.
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3862

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I think it is sweet, if this is the poem you referred to earlier. I doubt the person you gave it to will cast a critical eye on it.

Although, the juxtaposition of "ever growing hole" and "enflaming" in the second stanza did make me flash back to the gaint Thai dinner I had yesterday and the unfortunate repercussions today.
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PsycoMonkey



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 447

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

fuck people..i didnt write it..i dont write poetry
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 7562

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think that's rude to present someone else's work, perhaps without permission and certainly without explanation.
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Sojobo



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 2443

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
In to this ever growing hole
came an angel from above
emflaming the passion of my soul
it is you who i love

So you're out, now?
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3862

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PsycoMonkey wrote:
writing a poem to cheer up your girlfriend that turns out really retarded but still makes her really happy


PsycoMonkey wrote:
fuck people..i didnt write it..i dont write poetry
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PsycoMonkey



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 447

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

if i told yall it was something my friend wrote or something..what would you have done? insult my friend? what if i told you my sister wrote it? would you say bad things about her..and then probably the rest of my family?..well..i dont know crap about poetry and one of my friends asked me to critique it before i knew what happened..then they disappapeared from the internet so i was hoping for some help..i dont know crap about poetry..or anything..and i dont really care..i just wanted some honest answers and figured that was the easiest way to get them..sorry if it pissed you off
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 7562

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you sound more pissy than sorry.
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