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PsycoMonkey

Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:41 am Post subject: all poetry..not just goth? |
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what does people think about this poem type short thingy??
Quote: | In this dark, you are my light
you saved me from deaths knife
and gave me the strength to fight
so i give you my life
In to this ever growing hole
came an angel from above
emflaming the passion of my soul
it is you who i love |
i wanted an honest opinion...give me an honest opinion...instead of spamming about my posts yourself...sheesh
Last edited by PsycoMonkey on Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:29 am; edited 1 time in total |
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cletusowns

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 496 Location: Oak Park
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:22 am Post subject: |
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POST LESS LURK MORE SPAMMER _________________
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Varst Kolcimb

Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 1041 Location: Any where I want to be
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:27 am Post subject: |
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cletusowns wrote: | POST LESS LURK MORE SPAMMER |
What he said. _________________ Anything new and exciting? |
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John Mytton

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 607
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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Your poetry is horrible. The rhythm goes to shit in the second line, and I wasn't masochistic enough to read further. Also, the difference in syllables between the lines is distracting. If you can't read it in your head without trying really hard or listening to a metal song, it's generally a sign you should give it up. |
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nathan

Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 6316
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."
I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did. _________________ Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. ~ Ellen Degeneres |
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John Mytton

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 607
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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At first I thought you were angry at me, and I was confused. |
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trustedfaith

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 3369 Location: My own little world...
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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nathan wrote: | It is extremely arrogant and disrespectful of you to expect anyone here to seriously critique your poetry when you yourself haven't bothered to take even the immeasurably small amount of time it takes to capitalize "I."
I'd love to read your work, but I'm not going to put more energy into the poem than the author himself did. |
Well said Nathan. _________________ I'm doing the twitter thing; you should stalk/follow me: http://twitter.com/sillygurlroo |
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Sojobo

Joined: 11 Jul 2006 Posts: 2487
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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I'll go ahead and be a little more positive than other people, by which I mean I'm not gonna say anything directly about the poem. If you are interested in improving your writing of poetry, reading up on Meter is probably the best place to start. _________________ "To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine |
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Dro

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 3911
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I think it is sweet, if this is the poem you referred to earlier. I doubt the person you gave it to will cast a critical eye on it.
Although, the juxtaposition of "ever growing hole" and "enflaming" in the second stanza did make me flash back to the gaint Thai dinner I had yesterday and the unfortunate repercussions today. |
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PsycoMonkey

Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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fuck people..i didnt write it..i dont write poetry |
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Major Tom

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 7564
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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i think that's rude to present someone else's work, perhaps without permission and certainly without explanation. |
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Sojobo

Joined: 11 Jul 2006 Posts: 2487
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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PsycoMonkey wrote: | In to this ever growing hole
came an angel from above
emflaming the passion of my soul
it is you who i love |
So you're out, now? _________________ "To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine |
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Dro

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 3911
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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PsycoMonkey wrote: | writing a poem to cheer up your girlfriend that turns out really retarded but still makes her really happy |
PsycoMonkey wrote: | fuck people..i didnt write it..i dont write poetry |
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PsycoMonkey

Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 447
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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if i told yall it was something my friend wrote or something..what would you have done? insult my friend? what if i told you my sister wrote it? would you say bad things about her..and then probably the rest of my family?..well..i dont know crap about poetry and one of my friends asked me to critique it before i knew what happened..then they disappapeared from the internet so i was hoping for some help..i dont know crap about poetry..or anything..and i dont really care..i just wanted some honest answers and figured that was the easiest way to get them..sorry if it pissed you off |
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Major Tom

Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 7564
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:17 pm Post subject: |
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you sound more pissy than sorry. |
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