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Sinfest Secrets
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MsFrisby



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3966
Location: a quiet little corner of crazy

PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:18 pm    Post subject: Sinfest Secrets Reply with quote

MsFrisby wrote:
It is said that confession is good for the soul. That, and the popularity of the postcard secrets website is undeniable. If one of you has a secret that you want to confess anonymously, and have posted publicly, send your secret to SinfestSecrets {at} gmail.com via an anonymous email service.

I will post them here. I will not post obvious joke secrets. Neither will I post secrets specifically geared to hurt another member of the forum.

Don't know if you guys will find this as facinating as I have, but it's amazing what some people keep locked up. It's also pretty interesting how similar we are.

Edit: I went ahead and set up a LJ community. It's sinfest_secrets and I am allowing anonymous posting as well as non-member posting of secrets. I am, however, moderating the secrets posted. The rules still apply.


Old Secrets Thread
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Last edited by MsFrisby on Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:51 pm; edited 2 times in total
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MsFrisby



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3966
Location: a quiet little corner of crazy

PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
When I was younger I was caught shoplifting. As embarrassing as that is, it's not my secret. I made up some lame story about some other kid putting me up to it. My parents baught it hook line and sinker. It did not stop my dad from hitting my arm in the car so many times it turned black and blue nearly all the way around. For weeks after that, I lied about my arm claiming that I had fallen from my bicycle. This lie was not really from some misguided attempt to hide what my father did, but rather the embarassment of what I did that led to the beating. To this day I feel ashamed that I did not speak up then, not because of what he did to me, but because of what he did to my sister years later.


Quote:
I love her, but I don't think we'll make it and when it ends, I think she might be so sad that she'll kill herself.

I want to stay with her forever, but, like I said, I just don't think we're gonna make it.

I never wanted to be a heart-breaker.


Quote:
I had a multi-year, non-sexual affair with a teenage girl ten years younger than me. We were discovered before it could become sexual. It took me nearly two years, many antidepressants, hospitalisation, and nearly losing my wife to recover. Two years after the affair, I began the process of reconciling with my wife and after a year's separation, we got back together.

It's been a long time since then. But occasionally I still google the girl's name. I hope to God I never ever see or hear from her again because I am terrified that she still has power over me. And I'm finally in love with my wife, maybe for the first time. I don't ever want to go back, or do it again, but I'm afraid nevertheless.

Oh -- and I'm afraid of sinfesters. They can be unbelievably cruel at times. That's why I lurk and don't post anymore.

But not Ms Fris -- she's lovely.


Quote:
i am terrified that if i told people all the physical issues with my body, nobody would want me. i am tired of awkward silences, making excuses, telling people "you just don't want to know". i'm going to die sometime in the next 20 years. i will get worse, and already has, and then i will die, and i am afraid that nobody will want to be with me if they know that, either, on top of the gross things. a friend told me once that she thought she would be moving away in the 3rd grade, and when she told her friends, they stopped talking to her because there would be no point, they didn't want to miss her. i know people don't think i'm really going to die. and they think i'm all numb, and in denial, when really, you know what? i'm just very, very well-adjusted. and a little bit crazy.

i am in love for the first time in my life. it will not work out. knowing that it won't work out makes it hard to spend this last small ammount of time with him. when things don't go my way, i emotionally disconnect automatically, to keep my heart from ever breaking, and it's hard to hold on to this shocking but brief spark of alien emotion for just another couple of days.

my stepmom is abusive. one day, fairly soon, she will hit me, or my brother, and then i will break her. every time we are in a room together, i know exactly where anything that could be used as a weapon is. i know how to get my hands on it, and what to do with it once i have it in my hold. i have taken my brother and fled the house before, in the middle of the night. my dad can coax us into coming back, most of the time. one day we just won't, though. i'd be a better mother to my brother than his real mom ever will be. i already am. and the wierdest part is that she's adopting me legally in a few months.

i cannot seem to find a balance in my anger. either i am in control, rigidly forcing down whatever i feel until i can't find it again, or i am screaming and violent. i've hurt people fairly badly before. i've also let people walk all over me. i was raped once and the guy doesn't know he ever did it. he doesn't know he touched me, or that i said no. i figured it was better for him that way.

i'm sorry, about that being long, and possibly fairly guessable.

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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1690
Location: Your Mom

PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sadly, I know who that last secret is from. Sad

*hugs to everyone*

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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 577
Location: AK

PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

me too Sad

And a big hug to them. And never say never, dear.
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

call the cops, for real.
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Lasairfiona



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9702
Location: I have to be somewhere? ::runs around frantically::

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To the third quote: I feel that way about a guy that I never actually dated. I think I may have finaly lost track of him but I still know where his parents live so I could find him if I want to. It bothers me because I want his aproval and I don't even really know him.

Here's to hoping that the girl has a very common name. I don't know why some people how power over us but they do. Finding the reason why may not be worth it. Good luck.

To the second quote: Get her help. It isn't bad that you can't make it but you should care enough about her to tell someone who can help her what is going on. I've gotten out of a relationship because I couldn't deal with them. Life goes on and you can both find someone that will make you happy.

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Idlethought



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 891
Location: Seattle, WHAAAAAA?!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn all those secrets...gone....

GONE!!!
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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1690
Location: Your Mom

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They're not gone... just in another forum. Smile
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MsFrisby



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3966
Location: a quiet little corner of crazy

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
When people give me compliments, I believe they are doing it out of pity. I feel that everyone I know and love looks down on me, and that they put on a good show because they feel obligated.

Everywhere I go, I think people are secretly laughing at me. This has been true my entire life. At night I go home and can't stop thinking about each specific instance from the day. I spend most of my free time on the internet because, on good days, it's one of the few things that keeps my mind on something else. On bad days I curl up on the floor and cry uncontrollably for hours. I'm a guy.

I often find myself repeating "I'm sorry" like a mantra when I'm alone. I don't know why I do that. I can't seem to stop.


PS. to the poster who requested I not post the secret they sent in, are you sure you don't want to just modify it in order to keep anonymity?
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RandomAlternate



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wink
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thewaitersitsondown



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 2673
Location: The walrus was Paul

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
When people give me compliments, I believe they are doing it out of pity. I feel that everyone I know and love looks down on me, and that they put on a good show because they feel obligated.

Everywhere I go, I think people are secretly laughing at me. This has been true my entire life. At night I go home and can't stop thinking about each specific instance from the day. I spend most of my free time on the internet because, on good days, it's one of the few things that keeps my mind on something else. On bad days I curl up on the floor and cry uncontrollably for hours. I'm a guy.

I often find myself repeating "I'm sorry" like a mantra when I'm alone. I don't know why I do that. I can't seem to stop.


This is very much in my line of issues. My childhood was particularly in this vein--I remember apologising for absolutely everything to my mother, and even muttering it under my breath sometimes. She had a very short temper, too, and I was quite sensitive as a child, so she would get angry and tell me not to apologise for everything, and I actually remember reflexively saying "sorry" before I could stop myself Confused
I also have a lot of issues around adequacy--I tend to worry that nobody really likes me, or that everyone's just kind of humouring me.
It isn't true about me, though, and I seriously doubt it's true about you. I know my problems sound like milder versions of yours, but honestly I think both are overcomeable. It's just a matter of learning to trust in yourself--that's hard to do. It helps if you can find a supportive person or two.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, except to say you aren't alone. Good luck with this, it's a hard set of issues, but when you start to move past it, it feels really good, and it's totally possible to do.
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TB



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 291
Location: I don't care, I'm still free.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
i am terrified that if i told people all the physical issues with my body, nobody would want me.

I don't know how this compares with your situation, but my girlfriend has rheumatoid arthritis. And she's felt the same way at times, but... there are people around who don't get hung up on those things.

Quote:
i am tired of awkward silences, making excuses, telling people "you just don't want to know". i'm going to die sometime in the next 20 years. i will get worse, and already has, and then i will die, and i am afraid that nobody will want to be with me if they know that, either, on top of the gross things.

I tend to subscribe to the saying, "while there's life, there's hope". And I (personally) know someone who the doctors said would be dead by a couple decades ago.

Quote:
a friend told me once that she thought she would be moving away in the 3rd grade, and when she told her friends, they stopped talking to her because there would be no point, they didn't want to miss her.

...I'd hope that that kind of thinking is confined to third graders.

Quote:
i know people don't think i'm really going to die. and they think i'm all numb, and in denial, when really, you know what? i'm just very, very well-adjusted. and a little bit crazy.

... Sad

Quote:
i am in love for the first time in my life. it will not work out. knowing that it won't work out makes it hard to spend this last small ammount of time with him. when things don't go my way, i emotionally disconnect automatically, to keep my heart from ever breaking, and it's hard to hold on to this shocking but brief spark of alien emotion for just another couple of days.

*hug*

Quote:
my stepmom is abusive. one day, fairly soon, she will hit me, or my brother, and then i will break her. every time we are in a room together, i know exactly where anything that could be used as a weapon is. i know how to get my hands on it, and what to do with it once i have it in my hold. i have taken my brother and fled the house before, in the middle of the night. my dad can coax us into coming back, most of the time. one day we just won't, though.

Like MT said, call the cops. Please. I guess your dad refuses to recognize what's going on? Sad

Quote:
i'd be a better mother to my brother than his real mom ever will be. i already am. and the wierdest part is that she's adopting me legally in a few months.

i cannot seem to find a balance in my anger. either i am in control, rigidly forcing down whatever i feel until i can't find it again,

I've done that, occasionally. It helps to go find some alone-time afterwords to unbottle things slowly, or
Quote:
or i am screaming and violent.

the cork pops and everything just blows up. It also really helps to find someone to talk to about things.

Quote:
i've hurt people fairly badly before. i've also let people walk all over me. i was raped once and the guy doesn't know he ever did it. he doesn't know he touched me, or that i said no. i figured it was better for him that way.

I don't know about the guy in question, but I always want to know if I've done anything to hurt someone, so I'll know to do something to make it not happen again (and to make it right, if it's the sort of thing that can be made right).

Quote:
i'm sorry, about that being long, and possibly fairly guessable.

Being long is not something you need to be sorry for. I'm pretty sure being guessable isn't either.
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MsFrisby



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3966
Location: a quiet little corner of crazy

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Okay, I removed some to protect the semi innocent.. but I added something
else to make up for it. All the stories are true. I've got no reason to bs
you anyways.

I think I am a sexual addict. I constantly think of having sex of other
people even while in relationships and I can't bear to go more than at most
2 weeks without having sex. I've cheated on my girlfriend while we were away
from each other and then lied to her about it. Sure, it sounds selfish but I
just can't help myself when it comes to girls. I've already started thinking
about how to cheat again when she goes away again.

I am pretty mellow now but I used to have a really wild temper because of
the hard time I had in school. You see until Sophomore year of high school I
was a short skinny kid. Over summer and the start of Sophomore year I grew
from 5'5' to over 6 feet tall. So I still looked like a lanky scarecrow dude
but at least I wasn't short. Anyways, since this is sinfest secrets I
figured i'd tell a few about when I was a kid.

When I was about 14 or so and about to go into highschool I got picked on
more than ever despite what people say about bullying stopping as you get
older (yeah, right and I needed to learn cursive for college too huh)
Anyways, I would always have to take the bus home and the main problem was I
would get dropped off about 4 blocks or so away from my house. No big deal
unless you're riding with a bunch of assholes who are determined to make fun
of you every day. Well, they'd always push and shove me around but never
really hurting me much except for some scraped knees and hands from falling
on the street. Anyways, I decided to get my revenge on the semi ring leader
by doing something back to him. Now before I tell you this you have to
understand the torment I went through since I couldn't tell my parents about
it (Dad is former military.. fight your own fights kind of guy and Mom just
kind of didn't care enough either way) So, to get down to it this kid lived
in a nice big house with some BIG bay windows and he lived on a dead end
street at a house way at the bottom. Well, he had been bragging that his
family was going to Miami for the 4th of July so as soon as I knew he left I
took my pellet gun and shot every single window in the house including their
cars. Then I took his bike from the back yard and threw it in the woods
kinda far down the end of his street since he liked his bike so much.
Doesn't sound believable? Your problem not mine.


Also, when I was 10 I was being bullied and used to get in fights quite a
bit and as a result I had more than my fair share of suspensions and
detentions. Now, my school was built in a really hilly area so the buildings
basically went like this:
_
\_
and so on with the being slopes of grass or walls. Well, one day I saw one
of the kids who always bullied me sitting under a large rock retaining wall
near the edge of the school. So I pushed a lose rock over the edge and hit
him on the head and ran. Turns out the kid had to get like 6 stitches but I
never felt better in my life than I did the next day because I knew I hurt
him so bad.

Yeah, I was a cold mother fucker of a kid when I really think about it. The
thing is.. I feel like I should be sorry but I am really proud of what I
did. I am literally grinning as I type this.


Quote:
I have a crush on guy from sinfest and we've talked over IRC only a few times and he probably won't ever realize I like him. We have many of the same interests like that we both like country and he's really nice to talk to. He's one of the most intelligent guys and nice guys i've ever talked to and he gives me honest answers when I ask him questions and he always has a way to cheer me up when I come into the channel. I don't even know what he really looks like. He's around alot lately and I actually think he just likes someone else from sinfest. *sigh* I think he even already has a girlfriend anyways. I know nothing is going to come of it but I can't help hoping he reads this and realizes that I am talking about him. :/


Quote:
I pick things up with my toes all the time instead of bending down to get them with my hands.

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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 12:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I pick things up with my toes all the time instead of bending down to get them with my hands.



That's cool. I do that sometimes too.
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trustedfaith



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3366
Location: My own little world...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I pick things up with my toes all the time instead of bending down to get them with my hands.


Haha I do this all the time, too. Eff having to bend over if you got toes to do the job for you. =D
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