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Life's Horrors
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 6039
Location: California

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 3:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

she turns 21 in a few weeks. which makes it even worse, really.
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3537
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:19 am    Post subject: Step 1: Acquire resistance to pepper spray Reply with quote

ShadowCell wrote:
tl;dr horror mother's day edition that nobody will read but whatever

so my sister totally hates my mother, like for reals, and i don't understand why. she goes beyond just being rude and self-absorbed and gets into downright malicious territory.

my mother has an absolutely toxic relationship with her mother, my grandmother. my grandmother is the kind of person who will go out of her way to ruin your wedding if every detail wasn't to her liking and specification (which she did to one of my aunts). she'll lie and stab you in the back so that she gets attention and gets to be the victim of something, she'll belittle you and manipulate you and do whatever she can to hurt you just so you know she can do it. here's an example: when i was ten, my father had a stroke (he got better). my mom had all kinds of paperwork and stuff to deal with and my grandmother was the nearest person to watch my sister and i, so they had to come up and keep an eye on us at the hospital (after stopping for lunch on the way, of course). while my mom was off doing that, my grandmother and my aunt (who is also crazy) spent the whole time talking about how my father could die on the operating room table or he might never walk again and he'll lose his job or whatever, and kept doing that until one of the nurses went to get my mother and separate us. she's never been diagnosed or whatever but my mother strongly suspects my grandmother has Münchausen syndrome by proxy. i don't know if that's what's going on but i do know that my grandmother is one malicious bitch.

so that's the kind of person my grandmother is. my mom has always had a hard time around Mother's Day because that's the kind of relationship she had with her mother. and now it's the kind of relationship she's got with my sister--belittling her, taking her for granted, stabbing her in the back, manipulating things so that she can be the aggrieved one and my mom is the villain. she accuses my mother of neglecting the pets and neglecting us, when it's her who spends the most time caring for them and doing the chores around the house because the rest of us are at work or school--and is especially galling because it's not as though my sister does anything around the house or even is around the house very often anyways. and just to explicitly twist the knife, she compares her to my grandmother, knowing full well what a painful issue that is.

about a year ago my sister had a big meltdown where she said she had a bunch of medical and dental problems she accused us of ignoring and she wanted counseling. my father got her information about what would be covered by our insurance, but, being over 18, she would have to make the appointments and all that herself. she never did. i try not to assume the whole thing was just a stunt for attention and to make us feel bad but i have a hard time shaking that feeling.

i have no influence with my sister. we never got along ever since we were little and we eventually both settled into mutually ignoring each other. so i don't think i can talk to her about this; she'll just fling insults at me and slam the door in my face. my father is the one who has the best relationship with her, but he can't get through to her either. this isn't going to change unless they both want it to change. my mother tries to be nice to her, but it just walks her into a trap. we try to be open to her problems, but she blows us off. we try to involve her in stuff, but she spends so much time out of the house there's no point.

just today, we were planning to go up to Little Tokyo for Mother's Day, since there's a bunch of shops and stuff up there my mom likes. we've been planning it for a couple weeks. my sister knew that, but she still made plans that would have forced us to wait all morning for her, and then did a passive-aggressive routine of acting imposed upon when it came time to go. so she went off to the library instead. it wasn't some miscommunication or whatever, it was a calculated act to ruin my mother's day, on a day where she already has some bad feelings because of her toxic relationship with her own mother.

i don't know what my sister's problem is. i don't know why this is all happening. it's really hurting my mother to have her daughter treating her this way. it's not going to change unless they both want it to change. i can't be around for almost any of this because i have school a long ways away from home. neither can my father. it might get better during the summer, since i can be around more. but since i have no influence with my sister at all, i don't know what to do.

tl;dr my family's fucked up


Pepper spray gun.

Carry it with you at all times.

Show no mercy.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6382

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wait wait wait.

Are you insinuating ShadowCell should pepper spray his sister? Are you -joking-? Please tell me you are joking.
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3537
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty sure I was just trying to cheer him up, but I still would seriously recommend getting a resistance to pepper spray.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6382

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A... resistance to pepper spray?... Why? I'm not sure he's planning to get maced anytime soon.
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3537
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
A... resistance to pepper spray?... Why? I'm not sure he's planning to get maced anytime soon.


Well, I'm not planning to get shocked the next time I shake someone's hand, but does that mean I shouldn't be prepared for the worst case scenario?
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Guest



Joined: 15 Aug 2006
Posts: 2178

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 5:25 am    Post subject: Re: Step 1: Acquire resistance to pepper spray Reply with quote

ShadowCell wrote:
tl;dr horror mother's day edition that nobody will read but whatever

so my sister totally hates my mother, like for reals, and i don't understand why. she goes beyond just being rude and self-absorbed and gets into downright malicious territory.

my mother has an absolutely toxic relationship with her mother, my grandmother. my grandmother is the kind of person who will go out of her way to ruin your wedding if every detail wasn't to her liking and specification (which she did to one of my aunts). she'll lie and stab you in the back so that she gets attention and gets to be the victim of something, she'll belittle you and manipulate you and do whatever she can to hurt you just so you know she can do it. here's an example: when i was ten, my father had a stroke (he got better). my mom had all kinds of paperwork and stuff to deal with and my grandmother was the nearest person to watch my sister and i, so they had to come up and keep an eye on us at the hospital (after stopping for lunch on the way, of course). while my mom was off doing that, my grandmother and my aunt (who is also crazy) spent the whole time talking about how my father could die on the operating room table or he might never walk again and he'll lose his job or whatever, and kept doing that until one of the nurses went to get my mother and separate us. she's never been diagnosed or whatever but my mother strongly suspects my grandmother has Münchausen syndrome by proxy. i don't know if that's what's going on but i do know that my grandmother is one malicious bitch.

so that's the kind of person my grandmother is. my mom has always had a hard time around Mother's Day because that's the kind of relationship she had with her mother. and now it's the kind of relationship she's got with my sister--belittling her, taking her for granted, stabbing her in the back, manipulating things so that she can be the aggrieved one and my mom is the villain. she accuses my mother of neglecting the pets and neglecting us, when it's her who spends the most time caring for them and doing the chores around the house because the rest of us are at work or school--and is especially galling because it's not as though my sister does anything around the house or even is around the house very often anyways. and just to explicitly twist the knife, she compares her to my grandmother, knowing full well what a painful issue that is.

about a year ago my sister had a big meltdown where she said she had a bunch of medical and dental problems she accused us of ignoring and she wanted counseling. my father got her information about what would be covered by our insurance, but, being over 18, she would have to make the appointments and all that herself. she never did. i try not to assume the whole thing was just a stunt for attention and to make us feel bad but i have a hard time shaking that feeling.

i have no influence with my sister. we never got along ever since we were little and we eventually both settled into mutually ignoring each other. so i don't think i can talk to her about this; she'll just fling insults at me and slam the door in my face. my father is the one who has the best relationship with her, but he can't get through to her either. this isn't going to change unless they both want it to change. my mother tries to be nice to her, but it just walks her into a trap. we try to be open to her problems, but she blows us off. we try to involve her in stuff, but she spends so much time out of the house there's no point.

just today, we were planning to go up to Little Tokyo for Mother's Day, since there's a bunch of shops and stuff up there my mom likes. we've been planning it for a couple weeks. my sister knew that, but she still made plans that would have forced us to wait all morning for her, and then did a passive-aggressive routine of acting imposed upon when it came time to go. so she went off to the library instead. it wasn't some miscommunication or whatever, it was a calculated act to ruin my mother's day, on a day where she already has some bad feelings because of her toxic relationship with her own mother.

i don't know what my sister's problem is. i don't know why this is all happening. it's really hurting my mother to have her daughter treating her this way. it's not going to change unless they both want it to change. i can't be around for almost any of this because i have school a long ways away from home. neither can my father. it might get better during the summer, since i can be around more. but since i have no influence with my sister at all, i don't know what to do.

tl;dr my family's fucked up


I swear, your grandmother and sister describe almost exactly -- to the letter -- the behaviour of my mother, in how she behaves towards my father (especially my father), my siblings and I. Near precise description. Vindictive, petty, throws tantrums, taunts and blames others for her misfortune. Incredible. It's funny (well, I guess not really funny) how you mention Münchausen's, because my mother, too, has never been diagnosed, but I have really strong suspicions about her mental health. Could be bi-polar, could be Münchausen's, I have no idea, but it's something. We can't do anything about it, either, and to be honest I don't want to ask her about it, since I still live with her and I'd rather not increase the excuse of the endless bickering. Oh yeah, and that's also one of the big reasons I'm so grumpy. Anyway, this probably isn't much of a comfort to you so I'll stop. I just want to say hang in there. I know how you feel.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10667
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You might also consider borderline personality disorder, though people also like to ascribe that to anyone who seems bitchy/slutty/irresponsible. Like syphillis, the only way to know is to get tested.
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3537
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 5:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
You might also consider borderline personality disorder, though people also like to ascribe that to anyone who seems bitchy/slutty/irresponsible. Like syphillis, the only way to know is to get tested.


You only need to get tested for syphilis once.

Even after a lifetime of testing for personality disorders, you still might not have a grasp on your issues.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10667
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes. The point was 1) meant to be a joke, 2) that you can't diagnose anyone over the internet (as I suggested BPD), and 3) that anything less than the opinion of someone with a doctorate in psychology or a residency in psychiatry is just pulling stuff out of our asses anyway.

But, yeah, having a diagnosis doesn't mean anything will change anyhow... especially if it's a personality disorder (as they are, by definition, lifelong).
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DeD CHiKn



Joined: 04 Aug 2006
Posts: 10223
Location: Baltimore, Maryla*gunshot*

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Visited my grandmother at her new home the other day.

Quite depressing that I have to enter keycode to get into her wing of the place to keep people from escaping. Her floor is padded because she falls so often (and a family person can't be there 24/7.)

Her neighbor only speaks italian and grabbed my arm and wiped her nose on it. Good times.
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 6039
Location: California

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mental disorder or not, the only way my sister could get diagnosed with one is if she agrees to go in for it (or, i dunno, gets committed by a court, which i don't think is going to happen). which is the problem. it won't change until my sister wants it to.

she has a boyfriend who goes to Berkeley, so that's been a long-distance relationship that's probably putting stress on her. she must have some reason for being the way she is, whether or not it makes sense to anyone but her. i just don't know what i'm supposed to do in the meantime. i can and am being supportive of my mother, but i just can't be around enough to really make a difference when it's needed the most.

also holy shit if my family's dysfunction reaches the point where use of and/or resistance to pepper spray becomes relevant i should probably just move out and nuke the site from orbit.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12133
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's Thy. Why would anything he says be relevant?
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6382

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a little surprised at how disturbed I am at the very idea that anybody would go out of their way to develop a resistance to being maced/pepper sprayed.

I guess it makes sense, in a way. Pepper spray is my only real defense against creepers.
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absoluthoyt



Joined: 28 Aug 2006
Posts: 181

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mace is not that bad, tear gas does not effect me anymore and pepper spray is just kind of spicy. My horror? Well I am having 4 teeth removed and 2 new ones implanted. The pain will be legendary as due to my psychiatric medication I can consume no narcotic level pain relief.
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