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Life's Horrors
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 2720
Location: Behind you

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally,I don't have the slightest bit of understanding of the brain but I know it can be a shit and by the sound of it you're in some bad shit right there and you totally have the right to feel that way. I think it fucking sucks that you can't use those hours to take some time off when you need it. :/

If you need a listening ear, feel free to PM me. I can't give advice but I'm willing to give you all my e-hugs.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17209
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

e-hugs from me also - and agreement that you totally have the right to feel however your feel. and it sounds like what you feel is depressed, which is one of those things that can happen even if nothing (externally) has changed. so i hope the counselor helps, and if he/she helps, that future visits will be covered by health care or your employer or someone.

'cause it shitty that you feel so bad.

(and yes, Eure, glad the tornado missed you!)
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10730
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
i don't even know why this happens other than 'probably a mental illness thing' because its not like life is suddenly five times worse than its been it's literally exactly the same (which okay i think being exactly the same for so long is definitely part of the problem). i didn't get any of the jobs i applied for but that shits been happening for like two solid years so its not like i have any right to be surprised. its just now i can barely convince myself to wake up in the morning, even on days i have off.

boss told me to call a counselor line and they 'strongly suggested' for me to go to a counselor in person. couldn't get anything scheduled til the friday after next, because of course this fucking town. the first three visits are free but after that i don't know if its something i could even afford and still hope to actually move in the future.

i don't even feel like i have the right to feel this way.

It's worth seeing someone to find out why you feel the way you do. Like any other illness, some mental changes are temporary and need limited treatment, and others are chronic and need continued care. Also just like any other ache or pain, the only way to know is to see someone and get diagnosed. It's in your best interest to see someone... and just as taking care of your body makes life easier and more enjoyable, so does taking care of your mind. Don't discount the importance of taking care of yourself, even if it means spending money. You could always see someone once a month instead of every two weeks, or some other schedule, to make it work... but it's worth doing. You deserve to feel better. Don't short change yourself.
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1994
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry you feel so terrible, Samsally, but you feel the way you feel. It does sound like depression. I would talk to your counselor about not being able to take time off. They might be able to help you with that, you never know. I always have a lot of things I try when I get myself in a funk. I hope you find something that helps you.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6461

PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2014 3:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really appreciate the support. Thank you <3

I am feeling a bit better now that it's the weekend for me, but I suspect it'll be the same story again next week. I do have that appointment, though, so we'll see. Maybe it will help for in the future, since there is really no denying this shit comes in cycles.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3561
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Tue May 06, 2014 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Perhaps your body is telling you that you want more outta life.
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1994
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 4:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last week was omg tornado and today I got to perform the Heimlich maneuver for the first time. Two teacher firsts within a week of each other after teaching for 7 years. Kid is fine and puked everything up immediately.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congrats on saving a life! That's awesome. You deserve an extra nice teachers week gift. Very Happy
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...and help cleaning up the puke. although i am suspecting that that part, at least, is not a first. (but good job!)
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Sat May 10, 2014 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
...and help cleaning up the puke. although i am suspecting that that part, at least, is not a first. (but good job!)


My co-teacher cleaned up the floor while I tended to him in the bathroom. And yeah, I've cleaned up pretty much everything that can come out of a human body. None of that stuff bothers me anymore.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Sat May 10, 2014 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fun fact: I actually realized I could never be a teacher when I graduated and decided to take my free day to go visit my old kindergarten teacher. Her assistant was out sick that day and one of the kids puked so she had to take care of him and left me very briefly in charge of all the other littles. I ended up having to herd them all away from the mess because at least one of them sat there and stared at it until -he- started feeling sick and I pretty much panicked my way through that whole experience.

Anyway I also had to quit being a lifeguard because the responsibility of other people's lives was too much for me.

SO long story short Erica is badass as fuck and deserves all the respect.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1994
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Sat May 10, 2014 10:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
Fun fact: I actually realized I could never be a teacher when I graduated and decided to take my free day to go visit my old kindergarten teacher. Her assistant was out sick that day and one of the kids puked so she had to take care of him and left me very briefly in charge of all the other littles. I ended up having to herd them all away from the mess because at least one of them sat there and stared at it until -he- started feeling sick and I pretty much panicked my way through that whole experience.

Anyway I also had to quit being a lifeguard because the responsibility of other people's lives was too much for me.

SO long story short Erica is badass as fuck and deserves all the respect.


Oh yeah, they love to stop and stare hahaha. "Move along, move along nothing to see here." Razz It is situations like these that really bring the responsibility to light. The Heimlich thing didn't really scare me because I knew my training and was in control. I was legit scared (of course I wasn't outwardly showing it) during the 45 minute tornado thing because that is all my children in danger at the same time and I am powerless. :/
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10730
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woke up at 3am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Took forever to fall back asleep. Alarm went off at 6 and I felt like I hadn't slept at all. So much for mastery of the brain!
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3315

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Goddamn it internet stop ruining even ice cream trucks...just stahp!
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6461

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Huh, our ice cream truck plays a nightmare inducing version of FŁr Elise? It's like, warped and terrifying but hey at least it's not awful and racist. I didn't expect to be grateful for our ice cream trucks song but now I definitely am.
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