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Life's Horrors
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Thy Brilliance



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3572
Location: Relative

PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you.
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Him



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 4191
Location: On edge

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 1:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My life is like a parody of itself. My love life at least. So a certain someone I went to see in London...well, I realize falling in love with someone 1000 km away, who has a kid and a partner, was never really going to work out. Of course now she's dumped her boyfriend because she's not sure she's bisexual anymore...which kind of leaves me...well, you know. She still has feelings for me but she's not sure.

So maybe we fell in love and met in the small, small window where impossible things happen and I should just be happy. Or maybe we'll still meet 5 months down the line and things will be different but truthfully I'm not sure what's worse hoping for something damn near impossible...or just embracing hopelessnes. I mean of course we could still be some kind of friends I guess. Maybe that would even be for the best, but I was stupid enough to call it love because I never learn.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6502

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I put off applying for some internal positions at work and then found that they'd taken them down a few hours earlier than I expected so I couldn't apply at all. Which lead to an anxiety attack and a very impulsively bought Wii U.

Now to the point where I start feeling kind of sick if I'm not thinking about the Wii U or really anything else.

How do I fuck up so badly, so consistently? Why would anybody hire me, there are always better options and it's kind of a miracle I'm currently employed, even if I do feel like this job is sucking my soul out my ears.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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Jabberjay



Joined: 31 Jul 2012
Posts: 259

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part of the problem is that you care that you're less qualified, from a merit perspective at least. You should care that you're qualified, but not relative to anyone else. I've gotten most of the jobs I've been hired at by walking in with a swagger and acting like I'm totally awesome, reliable, and I know what I'm talking about. Actually knowing how to do the job properly or better than average can come later. Unless you're applying to be a doctor or something else where lives or on the line this is how most assertive people get themselves hired.

If you feel guilty at any point just activate your selective sociopathy so you stop giving a fuck. You can do that, right?
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6502

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy shit, the HR person actually put my name in for the roles I wanted to apply for -after the fact-.

This is -actually unheard of-. I feel light headed with relief.
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Jinx



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3638
Location: America, fuck yeah!

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I take that as a sign that she thinks you are a "high quality" candidate for the job.

It might be unheard of in your organization, but this kind of thing does happen in the corporate world, when people want to get the right people in the right jobs.

In my experience they usually talk to you first, but it's good either way.


Good luck!
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The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17275
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ditto what jinx said. you are obviously nowhere near as bad as you think you are. most of us aren't - we are really good at recognizing and criticizing our own faults and magnifying them out of all proportion. somehow, we don't spend as much time congratulating ourselves on the things we are good at - in fact, often we don't even recognize how good we are at something. it appears that the HR person, at least, is picking up on what you are doing well (hey, she may have even heard about it from your supervisor!). so i too will keep my fingers crossed that you get considered for the position. and remember - for a lot of positions (especially promotions) it's not so much that you have demonstrated you can do something, as that you can demonstrate that you have the ability to learn to do it. and you _definitely_ have the ability to learn.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 4:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope your Wii U is a celebratory Wii U in the near future!
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10793
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, don't sell yourself short. Some interesting reading tells me women have higher standards for themselves when they apply for a job. Men will, on average, apply if they meet 60% of the qualifications, but women will often not apply unless they meet 100% of the qualifications. The difference in confidence means more jobs for men... despite potentially being less qualified (or equally qualified) as a woman who didn't apply.
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Felgraf



Joined: 10 Jul 2012
Posts: 730

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lastly, there's also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

Which I strive to make people aware of, because once I realized it was *a thing*, and especially among graduate students, a widespread thing, it stopped affecting as much.

Basically, it is "a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be."

It's not a mental disorder, mind, it's just some weird mental quirk/feedback loop. People who've grappled with it include Neil Gaiman and *Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor*
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6502

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well i guess hr didn't talk to my boss at all cuz she vetoed all the applications because i'm not qualified and/or i hate it here. she'd rather get me a job i don't hate, which is understandable but still feels like a massive personal failure.

i'm just going to... stop... posting about it.. thank you so much for all the advice and the articles about what's probably going on in my head are all pretty spot on. i just can't deal with this rollercoaster anymore, how do i get off?
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17275
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, unfortunately that's the hard thing - to get off, you have to get another job. well, or suddenly come into large amounts of money, but that doesn't seem to happen nearly as often as it should.
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6257
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to blurt but they just took my Dad back into hospital - 3rd time in two months. Man's had two heart attacks and dealt with twenty odd years of sticking himself with insulin for type 2 diabetes. Can't walk unaided, and he's only 56. Had a stent (??) in his leg two years back and like I say, back in twice recently to perform the surgery again this summer. Taken back in with bleeding, pain and constant vomiting. I know he'll be okay but fuck this shit. He's a good guy. Wtf. Man's seen more hospital curtains than Florence Nightingale. Man's fucking indestructible. But why all the pain? Fucking leg wankers.

Anyway same as I say, sure he'll be fine but just wanted a bit of a vent and fb didn't seem right.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17275
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh dear - so sorry to hear that, gary. it sounds stupid to say, but having to deal with pain all the time (to say nothing of being sick) - well, it just really wears you down. i hope they can get him fixed up properly this time.
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6257
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Mouse. Spoke to Dad today. Doctors reckon he simply suffering an infection following the last surgery and likely just needs a course of antibiotics. They're keeping him in for another 48 hours (to crack wise and annoy Nick Nolte, presumably). So that's positive. Smile
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