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Sheltering children from rejection until teen years.
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Xilonen



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 465
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

fads like this make me shake my head with wonder at the stupid things people come up with. they have this insatiable urge to take the problems of a few maladjusted kids and implement the solution on everyone as though to make up for the failings of the past.

seriously, some children will end up screwy; it's going to happen. a good bit of recent research indicates that these problems have at least their foothold in biology - some kids are inclined toward maladaptive behavior, which contributes to their social failings, which leads to maladaptive behavior, etc, etc.

no amount of lovey "play nice" rules will stop the cycle. at best, rules like these teach kids how to maintain a surface level civility to fool onlookers while pinching the kid they don't like when no one is looking.

on the up side, i doubt these policies will do more than cause headaches for those parents forced to deal with 25, 30, 35 screaming little kids on birthdays. it's not like schools can stamp out rejection altogether, and in most kids, no amount of meaningless trophies and gold stars will make them feel better about who they are when everyone else gets them, too.
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Bart



Joined: 22 Jul 2006
Posts: 1572

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Drui wrote:
When I was a kid, in like third grade, we had this thing where each student had a week assigned to them in which they were the special student or something. The special student had a shoebox they could decorate, and all the other students had to write something nice about the special student on a piece of paper and put it in the shoebox. Nice concept, definitely.

Well, in third grade, I only had a couple of friends, and was generally made fun of by the popular kids. The not-popular-middle-ground kids stayed away from me because they didn't want the popular kids to think I was their friend. I dunno why this all happened, don't ask. But when it was my week to be "special," I recognized that the "nice things" people wrote were generic shit that the authors didn't necessarily feel and had only written because they were required to.

If anything, it made me feel even more secluded.


I know the situation, we once did the same on my school and out of 20 kids 15 had the same compliment for me.

And the article is total bullshit, ever tried to force kids to be friends ? No cause no one should be stupid enough to try?
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rm



Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 4073

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's best to teach kids ways to find true friends and nuture relationships with kindred spirits, while also not unnecessarily or cruelly excluding other children based on subjective bias. very young children need to know that they can learn good lessons from people they dislike, and that their reasoning for liking and disliking whomever are going to constantly change as they get older. today danny is my worst enemy, tomorrow we're best friends. that's the way it goes for about 6 years. parents should make sure that their kids don't get into the habit of setting up indefensible and irredeemable boundaries.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17278
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

unfortunately, there are a number of adults who need to learn the same thing (and i speak as someone who has occasional problems this way myself).

except _i_ have really really good reasons for hating people irrationally.
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Satsujinkyou



Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Posts: 5
Location: Palmela,Portugal

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That Valentine thing happened in me school as well. But worst, you only get a valentine card that mean anything... Every year I waited to see if there was cards in me sit… So I didn’t get a valentine cart until I started dating a girl who is me current girlfriend…

There’s something I don’t understand in your culture… The “popular” thing… Simply don’t get it…Who decides who is popular and who’s not…




And who the fu** cares?!?!?!
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3860

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The popular people decide.
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Satsujinkyou



Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Posts: 5
Location: Palmela,Portugal

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Again...

Who the fu** cares?!
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Por isso eu tomo ópio. É um remédio
Sou um convalescente do Momento.
Moro no rés-do-chão do pensamento
E ver passar a Vida faz-me tédio.
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Natashabi



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 390
Location: Tejas

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This whole Valentine's card thing makes me think of the Simpsons episode where Lisa, feeling sorry for his empty Valentine Mailbox, gives Ralph a Valentine's Card that reads, "I choo, choo, choose you!"

Well, it was a cute image... Razz

He, reading WAY too much into it, thinks that Lisa is in love with him.

My point? None really, just thought of the cartoon and its relevence to the conversation.

I will say that parents should not protect their kids from rejection. The kids can do it well enough on their own.

All through school, not even just middle school or high school, I was never popular never even really had friends. I was always teased and picked on and was told as early as 5th grade that a certain guy didn't like me, by him, to my face. I am also an only child, which sucks, and I don't wish it on any other kid in the world!

Due to the early treatment I received from my peers I blockaded myself from sharing who I was to anyone, so much so that right now, I'm not even sure who I am. The only people I talk to are people online, where things are relatively anonymous and I can just try to think through who I am by finally interacting with others. I strive for human conversation and to be noticed, not for the sake of being noticed, but to show that I'm worth it.

So, as I said, PLEASE, don't shelter your kids, put them in situations where they may be rejected so they can see that they may not ALWAYS be rejected and, if they are rejected, show them how to get past it and move on because there's usually something better out there if you just fucking look! Just because something seems perfect right then, it does not mean it will always be, whether it's a job, school, friend, love interest. If you aren't right for them, then they aren't really right for you, so get off your ass and go find something else.

Um, sorry if that got a touch ranty, but... that's it. I'm done now.

Oh, and Portugal person... Satsujinkyou... if you're asking, you must care. If you didn't care, it wouldn't matter to you why other people care.


Last edited by Natashabi on Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:33 am; edited 1 time in total
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3860

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love the "I choo choo choose you" card.

Some people want to be popular, because then they get to go to certain parties, etc. That dynamic wasn't part of my growing up, although I'm sure it affects some proportion of the US population. I'm curious though... in Portugal, the pimply fat kid wearing clothes fashionable 5 years ago is always invited to hang out with the rich people that care about how people look and what thy wear?
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Major Tom



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 7562

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

maybe they just know their place, genetically, and stay in the shadows.
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Lasairfiona



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9702
Location: I have to be somewhere? ::runs around frantically::

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate it when people bring up something stupid like this. Damn you CNN. There is no way that everyone is going to like you. Hell, you can't be liked by everyone even if you are a color. Favorites are going to exist. The best thing to teach children is that everyone has an opinion and if they aren't in the majority, that isn't a bad thing among other useful life lessons. And what everyone else said.

Treating children like they are porcelain dolls is what increases the sting of rejection when it shows up, not the other way around. Protecting children from life is probably the most harmful thing a parent can ever do to their children.

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Katrin



Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 293
Location: Some place HAWT

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man, I can't wait until this generation gets out of college and goes into the real world.

The US is FUCKED.
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3316

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lasairfiona wrote:
I hate it when people bring up something stupid like this. Damn you CNN. There is no way that everyone is going to like you. Hell, you can't be liked by everyone even if you are a color. Favorites are going to exist. The best thing to teach children is that everyone has an opinion and if they aren't in the majority, that isn't a bad thing among other useful life lessons. And what everyone else said.

Treating children like they are porcelain dolls is what increases the sting of rejection when it shows up, not the other way around. Protecting children from life is probably the most harmful thing a parent can ever do to their children.



My dad always said the most shocking and embarrassing thing in a childs life should be their parents.
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Penguins & Polarbears



Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bah, these parents just want their kids to have more presents when its their birthday.

But in all seriousness, "The idea that protecting kids from rejection is crucial to safeguarding their self-esteem has gained momentum in recent years."

It might be gaining momentum, but that doesn't mean it's not bullshit. Come high school if they can't deal with rejection then they will probably be a lot more messed up than if they had to go through it earlier on in elementary school.

I could pick apart this article for all of the inane comments, but that would take too long and I'm lazy.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10697

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*points and laughs*

I luuurve your av
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