Sinfest

Xilonen · Joined: 11 Jul 2006 Posts: 465 Location: Bellingham, WA

fads like this make me shake my head with wonder at the stupid things people come up with. they have this insatiable urge to take the problems of a few maladjusted kids and implement the solution on everyone as though to make up for the failings of the past.

seriously, some children will end up screwy; it's going to happen. a good bit of recent research indicates that these problems have at least their foothold in biology - some kids are inclined toward maladaptive behavior, which contributes to their social failings, which leads to maladaptive behavior, etc, etc.

no amount of lovey "play nice" rules will stop the cycle. at best, rules like these teach kids how to maintain a surface level civility to fool onlookers while pinching the kid they don't like when no one is looking.

on the up side, i doubt these policies will do more than cause headaches for those parents forced to deal with 25, 30, 35 screaming little kids on birthdays. it's not like schools can stamp out rejection altogether, and in most kids, no amount of meaningless trophies and gold stars will make them feel better about who they are when everyone else gets them, too.

Bart · Joined: 22 Jul 2006 Posts: 1564

rm · Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 4073

it's best to teach kids ways to find true friends and nuture relationships with kindred spirits, while also not unnecessarily or cruelly excluding other children based on subjective bias. very young children need to know that they can learn good lessons from people they dislike, and that their reasoning for liking and disliking whomever are going to constantly change as they get older. today danny is my worst enemy, tomorrow we're best friends. that's the way it goes for about 6 years. parents should make sure that their kids don't get into the habit of setting up indefensible and irredeemable boundaries.

mouse · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 15457 Location: under the bed

unfortunately, there are a number of adults who need to learn the same thing (and i speak as someone who has occasional problems this way myself).

except _i_ have really really good reasons for hating people irrationally.
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Satsujinkyou · Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 5 Location: Palmela,Portugal

That Valentine thing happened in me school as well. But worst, you only get a valentine card that mean anything... Every year I waited to see if there was cards in me sit… So I didn’t get a valentine cart until I started dating a girl who is me current girlfriend…

There’s something I don’t understand in your culture… The “popular” thing… Simply don’t get it…Who decides who is popular and who’s not…

And who the fu** cares?!?!?!
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Por isso eu tomo ópio. É um remédio
Sou um convalescente do Momento.
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E ver passar a Vida faz-me tédio.

Dro · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 3830

The popular people decide.

Satsujinkyou · Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 5 Location: Palmela,Portugal

Again...

Who the fu** cares?!
_________________
Por isso eu tomo ópio. É um remédio
Sou um convalescente do Momento.
Moro no rés-do-chão do pensamento
E ver passar a Vida faz-me tédio.

Natashabi · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 390 Location: Tejas

This whole Valentine's card thing makes me think of the Simpsons episode where Lisa, feeling sorry for his empty Valentine Mailbox, gives Ralph a Valentine's Card that reads, "I choo, choo, choose you!"

Well, it was a cute image... Razz

He, reading WAY too much into it, thinks that Lisa is in love with him.

My point? None really, just thought of the cartoon and its relevence to the conversation.

I will say that parents should not protect their kids from rejection. The kids can do it well enough on their own.

All through school, not even just middle school or high school, I was never popular never even really had friends. I was always teased and picked on and was told as early as 5th grade that a certain guy didn't like me, by him, to my face. I am also an only child, which sucks, and I don't wish it on any other kid in the world!

Due to the early treatment I received from my peers I blockaded myself from sharing who I was to anyone, so much so that right now, I'm not even sure who I am. The only people I talk to are people online, where things are relatively anonymous and I can just try to think through who I am by finally interacting with others. I strive for human conversation and to be noticed, not for the sake of being noticed, but to show that I'm worth it.

So, as I said, PLEASE, don't shelter your kids, put them in situations where they may be rejected so they can see that they may not ALWAYS be rejected and, if they are rejected, show them how to get past it and move on because there's usually something better out there if you just fucking look! Just because something seems perfect right then, it does not mean it will always be, whether it's a job, school, friend, love interest. If you aren't right for them, then they aren't really right for you, so get off your ass and go find something else.

Um, sorry if that got a touch ranty, but... that's it. I'm done now.

Oh, and Portugal person... Satsujinkyou... if you're asking, you must care. If you didn't care, it wouldn't matter to you why other people care.

Dro · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 3830

I love the "I choo choo choose you" card.

Some people want to be popular, because then they get to go to certain parties, etc. That dynamic wasn't part of my growing up, although I'm sure it affects some proportion of the US population. I'm curious though... in Portugal, the pimply fat kid wearing clothes fashionable 5 years ago is always invited to hang out with the rich people that care about how people look and what thy wear?

Major Tom · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 7562

maybe they just know their place, genetically, and stay in the shadows.

Lasairfiona · Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:39 am Post subject:

I hate it when people bring up something stupid like this. Damn you CNN. There is no way that everyone is going to like you. Hell, you can't be liked by everyone even if you are a color. Favorites are going to exist. The best thing to teach children is that everyone has an opinion and if they aren't in the majority, that isn't a bad thing among other useful life lessons. And what everyone else said.

Treating children like they are porcelain dolls is what increases the sting of rejection when it shows up, not the other way around. Protecting children from life is probably the most harmful thing a parent can ever do to their children.
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Before God created Las he pondered on all the aspects a woman might have, he considered which ones would look good super-inflated and which ones to leave alone.
After much deliberation he gave her a giant comfort zone. - Michael

Katrin · Joined: 13 Jul 2006 Posts: 293 Location: Some place HAWT

Man, I can't wait until this generation gets out of college and goes into the real world.

The US is FUCKED.

Monkey Mcdermott · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 2723

Penguins & Polarbears · Joined: 13 Aug 2006 Posts: 8

Bah, these parents just want their kids to have more presents when its their birthday.

But in all seriousness, "The idea that protecting kids from rejection is crucial to safeguarding their self-esteem has gained momentum in recent years."

It might be gaining momentum, but that doesn't mean it's not bullshit. Come high school if they can't deal with rejection then they will probably be a lot more messed up than if they had to go through it earlier on in elementary school.

I could pick apart this article for all of the inane comments, but that would take too long and I'm lazy.

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10432

*points and laughs*

I luuurve your av