reasonablymadness

[rm]

most truths in our lives, the things that make up our human condition, are in fact reprehensible to us. is this cruel or ironic? does it prove anything? is it something we should accept, ignore, or argue away? nothing lasts, we all die, love fades. what asperations can we have beyond trying to defy these statements? life is a comprimise with the devil; let things last at least as long as we live, let us live beyond ourselves in memory, let us love at least enough to stay sane. that these are our goals is indicative of how deeply we despise ourselves, how incapable we are of being happy.

she thinks I listen to her only to get something from her. I have lust in my heart, a desire for her body which she hates. maybe I make her feel better about it. I tell her it's ridiculous, this scrutiny. she wants to believe it, but doesn't like the word ridiculous. at the very least she is attractive and that means I will be there when she needs me. she doesn't really believe we're friends, or that I care about her problems. if I seem to it's only because I want what's next. part of me believes this too. the more she talks about it the more it seems true.

she wants me to say that she is the most beautiful woman I've ever slept with. maybe it's true so I say it. she stands in front of the mirror and agrees. I am learning that the only thing that turns her on is herself... what she is willing to do or let be done to herself. she is the most selfish lover I have ever known, but it doesn't matter because I adore her. when broken down into a simple organsim none of these things matter. nothing is of consequence when the body is overcome. the only time I truly love her is when she is getting off, when I don't matter anymore, when she is purely an organism, just a body.

all I want, really, is to be more than simply compelled by facility and concept, to act on more than just a quiet urge, a willingness to "try one's hand", to possess more than an ideal, more than an opinion, to actually be taken over as though in a panic by one true, imperative idea, to not feel a choice in the matter, to be consumed completely by an obvious necessity, regardless of whether it is right or wrong.

what can be expected of us, beyond-modern beings? for strange reasons we are incapable of, do not need the old dialoge. devices of alienation still intrigue us, can still perhaps say something useful. as always the truth must be felt but not understood; an accepted discomfort. major problems have not been solved.

the hardest life is one without goals, besides those that fill a day or get you through to the next. it can be said that all we need was discovered when we became men, but survival is still a problem... so easily bored, distracted and put off by being bored, distracted and put off.

everyone plays a role in everyone else's failings.

[rm]

overheard conversations:

- I own property.
- what?
- I own property.
- I only own a motorcycle.
- want to see it? it's a place in my mind. ha ha.
- huh? let me get my glasses.
- I'll take it easy. ha ha.
- what?
- I said I'll take it easy.
- sure.
- maybe go for a walk.
- ok.
- a walk around the block, watch the parade.
- I hope it rains?
- what?
- I hope it rains on you.

*****

- the worst art critics are the christians.
- as with everything else.
- I'm surprised you aren't at least a lutheran.
- I'm a jew, you beast.
- blood doesn't count for anything.
- excuse me?
- blood...
- to him we're all a type.
- no, wait...
- there's more to blood than that. at the moment ours is full of alcohol and perhaps a few diseases.
- don't laugh. the manager is a hemopheliac.
- none of us are safe. blood betrays us all. it slowly dies, depleted of the life it gives us.
- and the sun will burn out too.
- not before monday.
- not before your wife throws you out.
- not before you're married.
- not before the next round.
- to the sun!
- to the... expense account!
- to the next round.
- to your wife.
- to your face.

[mouse]

[Agamemnon]

It's good to see RM made the transition.
_________________
-Agamemnon.....but you can call me Jake.

P: They don't know we know they know we know. And Joey, you can't say anything!

J: Couldn't if I wanted to.

[cixelsyD]

Awww, I hope it rains on you to RM. 3<

Glad to see you.

[Uncle Taylorbell]

it's absoloutely lovely to see rm back, even if he is channelling the tortured middle-class soul of Saul Bellow.

[rm]

[rm]

[Uncle Taylorbell]

[mouse]

[Serenity]

NIce to see ya RM!

[The Victim Here]

RM rocks my cosmic worldwide view of everything.
_________________
Colours? What colours?

[rm]

*the flower woman*

perched upon a white bucket
her body middle-aged and heavy-set
a simple soul, eager to please
a sidewalk buddha beneath her tree
possessing more scents than sense
her thoughts ebb like nosegay fragrance
is it a blissful ignorance
or saintly innocence
that makes her smile?

her wares as simple and sweet
as emotions are nimble and fleet
for conscientious sons:
groups of chrysanthemums
roses in sixes and twelves
for hopeful valentines, and desperate ones
men straying to hotel rooms
philanderers that once were grooms
can appease both open and broken hearts
with her pretty blooms
any sacrement can be adorned
any loss better mourned:
white works for the newlywed
as well as the recent dead
though the long-interred prefer
something with a little more color

to lonely women like herself
ladies with more time than wealth
she makes a point of explaining
the importance of the self
"if your spirits are waning
do not neglect the botanical effect
any ache can be allayed
with a seasonal bouquet
there is nothing more empty
than an empty vase
though inflorescence is temporary
solitude is a sanctuary
that must be daily perfumed
so be sure to return as soon
as these petals drop"

she is never in a hurry
but sentiment is often late
bought and sold on the way to a date
it is rare someone tarries
long enough to relate
the love their heart carries
though she herself has stories
of ancient affairs
when she was young and fair...
but no one cares

[mouse]

that is wonderful, rm - i have such a vivid image of her now.
_________________
aka: neverscared!

[Krazy Stixx]

Hey RM, you still hanging around the ever-gray city of pittsburgh?
_________________
"By 3 p.m. I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the world instead."
-Spider Jerusalem, Transmetropolitan