Sinfest

[cixelsyD]

Pretty simple, whos got a favorite joke that you just cant tell because no one gets it? I figure this would be a good place for nonsense like this, what with all the nerdieness and all.


These two are MMA jokes that i have told to about 4 people who have gotten em.


How do you know when you watch too much MMA?
When your having sex with your girl you try to pass her gaurd.

Whats the difference beteween Even tanner and Moses?
Moses made it out of the desert.



Come on now, any gems?

[Sam]

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

[cixelsyD]

I was thinking more along the line of jokes you could tell in a public setting... but whatever floats your boat princess, its your day.

[Sam]

we're selling subatomic particles and today neutrons are free of charge!!1

[cixelsyD]

Wow you are quick on the draw. O_o

[Sam]

a police officer pulls over heisenberg and goes 'do you know how fast you were going back there? to which heisenberg responds 'no, but I know where I am.'

[sporko]

how often do kaki mochi have sex?

every arare
_________________

[Celaeno]

Hahaha! Love it.

[dinsky]

Keming: The result of bad kerning

[Major Tom]

this golden oldie might fit:

descartes stops in a diner for his evening meal. when the waitress asks what he would like to eat, he asks what's good tonight.

"the beef stew is our special today. we're known for it", she says.

"excellent", he replies, "beef stew, please."

the stew arrives, heaped and steaming in a deep dish and descartes digs in. his face explodes in ecstasy with the first bite and he only pauses twice to ask for more bread, so he can sop up every bit of juice and once to loosten his belt. when he's finally finished, he leans back in his booth gently rubbing his belly and emits a loud and contented sigh.

the waitress has noticed he's done and comes back to the table.

"any dessert for you, tonight? our apple pie is good, too..."

"i think not", replies descartes and
*poof* he disappears.

[dr_destructo]

That was fantastic Major
_________________

[Lasairfiona]

A farmer invites an economist, an engineer, and a mathematician to his farm. The farmer chews on some hay and says, "I have some fencing here that needs to be turned into a pen. You guys are here to make the biggest pen possible."

The economist scratches his head and goes to work. When he is done, tie askew and winded, there is a rectangular pen. The engineer shakes his head in disgust. "Move over!" he yells, pushing the economist aside. The engineer tears down the fence and proceeds to build a circular pen. Triumphant, the engineer presents his achievement. The mathematician just laughs at him. "None of you know what you are doing!" The mathematician tears down the engineer's hard work and builds a very tiny circular pen. He grins as he climbs in and exclaims, "I declare myself to be outside!"
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Before God created Las he pondered on all the aspects a woman might have, he considered which ones would look good super-inflated and which ones to leave alone.
After much deliberation he gave her a giant comfort zone. - Michael

[Willem]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jacques Derrida:
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial internal linkintent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Epicurus:
For fun.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

Colonel Sanders:
To persuade the vegetarians that a chicken is just a fast plant.

Adolf Hitler:
Because it was his racial destiny to expand his Chickensraum.

Al Gore:
Because I designed the Information Superhighway so that all chickens, especially American ones, can cross under our benevolent supervision.

O.J. Simpson's defense team... one after the other:
Did you see the chicken cross the road? I didn't see the chicken cross the road. How can we be sure the chicken crossed the road? Just because the chicken was on this side for a time... and now is on the other side... is not adequate reason to be sure it crossed the road.

Grandpa - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Louis Farrakhan - The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
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attitude of a street punk, only cutting selected words out of context to get onself excuse to let one's dirty mouth loose

[cixelsyD]

That Farrakhan one had me rollin.

[Keign]

Two cats and a kitten slid across a roof and fell off. The kitten fell last; why?
It had a smaller μ.