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Dear Customer Services ...
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6223
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:31 am    Post subject: Dear Customer Services ... Reply with quote

Recently I emailed McDonalds to complain about that fact that I'd waited 35 minutes to get a Big Mac Meal. I got an apologetic email back, and also a voucher for a Big Mac Meal. T'Was yum yum.

So I then tried this:

Quote:
Hello,

My name is Gary ******** and I have been a long time fan and consumer of your cigarettes. I have often noted that your products show a notice of how much nicotine your products contain. However until recently I was unaware that 'nicotine' is an addictive substance. I was also unaware that smoking cigarettes has been demonstrated to increase the likelhood of the smoker contracting cancer, particularly lung cancer.

Have I been incorrectly informed? Can I continue to safely smoke Richmond Cigarettes with no adverse effects to my health?

Your response would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Gary ********


Pretty much every consumer product nowadays has a 'consumer helpline'. I vote for we complain about everything. And then we throw all the freebie meals, cigarettes, drinks, hats, frisbees, t-shirts, stage shows, dildos, pamphlets, handjobs, DVDs, etc etc into one big party.

Go! Go to your consumer helpline!
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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this is something I totally love.
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dinsky
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

As someone to does front line customer service for at least 100 different industries, I feel like I should oppose this in some way.

However, on second thought, bring on the free shit.

Par-tay!
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Kitten



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 1614
Location: mil pitos

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can only imagine what secret santa gifts are going to look like this year...
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6314

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dinskey: Do the people in your office forward on the funniest ones to everyone, too?
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dinsky
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

We're strictly phones, but we do get some hilarious callers. Everything's recorded, so from time to time we'll play back recordings when it's quiet.

We have some well known crazies that call certain lines regularly... one lady who just rambles on and on... last time, i believe her plunger was molested and she doesn't appreciate that man with the two headed dog entering her apartment when she's not home and stealing her potatoes, you know the one, that distinguised looking fella with the long jacket who carried an umbrella out of the elevator last week...
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Oneponytoruleall



Joined: 02 Jan 2011
Posts: 3114

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dinsky wrote:

We have some well known crazies that call certain lines regularly... one lady who just rambles on and on... last time, i believe her plunger was molested and she doesn't appreciate that man with the two headed dog entering her apartment when she's not home and stealing her potatoes, you know the one, that distinguished looking fella with the long jacket who carried an umbrella out of the elevator last week...


There's something familiar about that description.

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dinsky
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was my thought as well... she may be on to something!
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Mizike



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 5125
Location: Iowa City

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to complain. Often if you call to compliment them, you'll also get coupons or freebies.
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CTrees



Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Posts: 3772

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always figured your last name would be profane, Gary; I just didn't realize you'd censor it, yourself.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17045
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Dear Customer Services ... Reply with quote

Mr Gary wrote:

So I then tried this:

Quote:
Hello,

My name is Gary ******** and I have been a long time fan and consumer of your cigarettes. I have often noted that your products show a notice of how much nicotine your products contain. However until recently I was unaware that 'nicotine' is an addictive substance. I was also unaware that smoking cigarettes has been demonstrated to increase the likelhood of the smoker contracting cancer, particularly lung cancer.

Have I been incorrectly informed? Can I continue to safely smoke Richmond Cigarettes with no adverse effects to my health?

Your response would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Gary ********




as a tobacco control person, i totally want to know what response you got to this. in fact, i want everyone to write this very letter to their favorite cigarette co., and i will compile the responses. i think there's a paper in it.
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nathan



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6282

PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gary, you are everything I could ever hope to be in a man.

I feel so inadequate.
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Sam the Eagle



Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 2275
Location: 192.168.0.1

PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hat off to you Dinsky, if the various stories read here (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/, The Sucky Customer one especially) are even barely close to truth, you're up again some Darwin Award' prize contenders.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6314

PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My last funny call was a guy that spent the first ten minutes asking me questions in a really condescending voice (Are YOU the person I ask computer questions to?) and after I answered every one of his questions quickly and accurately it was like turning on a light switch. Suddenly he was all sorts of delighted with me and asked me to marry him. When I said my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate it he said "Oh, its not about him, this is between you and me."

I don't know if it is sad or hilarious but this isn't the first time that has happened, either.
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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
My last funny call was a guy that spent the first ten minutes asking me questions in a really condescending voice (Are YOU the person I ask computer questions to?) and after I answered every one of his questions quickly and accurately it was like turning on a light switch. Suddenly he was all sorts of delighted with me and asked me to marry him. When I said my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate it he said "Oh, its not about him, this is between you and me."

I don't know if it is sad or hilarious but this isn't the first time that has happened, either.


that reminds me of that Not Always Right story about some guy coming up to a computer-customer service thing and dismissing the girl saying he needed to speak to a man. So eventually she called over a co-worker who then repeated the questions the guy asked and repeated her answer back to the guy. At the end the guy said thank you to the co-worker and "was that so hard?" to the girl.

Weirdest shit ever.
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