Sinfest

[Samsally]

[picturesofsky]

[Samsally]

Agh, so true. Try not to be mean to them. Just be unaffected by the meanness they're throwing at you.

Makes you come out looking better, yeah? It will make it way more likely for your friend to realize you're the one worth hanging out with, if it really comes down to choosing.

[Arc Tempest]

[picturesofsky]

Dude, I'm lying to make people feel better. Don't spoil it.
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Ironically, Halen's one of the few people here I wouldn't worry about terrifying my friends and family. In my head he ends every real life conversation stroking his chin and saying, "well yes, that sounds reasonable."

[Dogen]

A few things, kind of random.

First, people are, at their most basic, pack or maybe herd animals. We disproportionately favor signs of strength, and disfavor signs of weakness. Not that being confident will make people like you, but appearing anxious and/or gravitating to them (trying to make them like you) will make you appear weak, and thus you fall down the social order. Trying too hard to make people like you is thus counterproductive.

Second, both Samsally and BK are basically making the same choice. You have two options. You can either work for them (change to be what they expect), or you can work for yourself (do what is best for you). If you drive yourself nuts worrying why certain people don't like you, you're working for them. Not everyone will like you - and chances are good you don't like everyone, either. Do you worry why you don't like some people? Probably not. If they sucked up to you would you like them more? Probably not.

Finally, emotions are weird. There are three parts to an emotional response. The eliciting stimulus, the cognitive appraisal, and the physiological change. Typically, we think about how a stimulus (RAWR! A bear!) elicits an appraisal ("Oh shit! A bear!"), and then a physiological response (adrenaline) that combine into an emotional state we call fear. The fun thing is that you can manipulate this chain at either the appraisal or physiological stages and have a dramatic effect on the emotional state. TL;DR? You can literally "fake it 'til you make it." By maintaining physiological calm, and working on how you appraise situations ("what's in this for me/what is this costing me?"), you can pretend your way to actual confidence. Eventually you're not even pretending - you're just a confident sonofabitch.
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"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. I’ll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

[trustedfaith]

I think as you get older you just could care less really. I used to always want to make everyone like me -- but I am quirky too. And people thought I was weird instead of finding that fun about me. At 34 I really could care less if people think I'm weird. There's enough people that like my weird that if you don't like it go away.

I think it's just an experience and time thing though. As you get older you stop worrying about what other people think about you as much.

Samsally, you're way more interesting than any of those guys and I like your weird. Don't change for anyone, be you. That's what makes you awesome. And I'll beat up anyone who says different.

[cixelsyD]

[mouse]

tf: i think, actually, you couldn't care less. if you _could_ care less, then you care at least somewhat.

(sorry, pet peeve aggravated by recent review of a slew of poorly-written documents).

but yeah, this is one of those things that happens as you get older. part of it is genuinely getting more self-confidence (however you do it), part of it is just getting a more solid self-image of who you are and what matters or doesn't matter to you (like, cliquish teenagers: not so much)
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aka: neverscared!

[trustedfaith]

[Samsally]

Thank you, trustedfaith!

I'm not entirely sure how I ended up with as much self confidence as I have. I've got the kind of childhood horror stories that can make people into agoraphobic recluses. I think it was magically finding good REAL friends some point in middle school, then making a game with them of being as strange as possible for several years.

I blame theatre.

[Michael]

good choice!
at least they'll enjoy the attention

[Mr Gary]

[trustedfaith]

[Darqcyde]