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The impending death of a loved one

 
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10657
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 4:01 am    Post subject: The impending death of a loved one Reply with quote

My maternal grandmother is dying.

She has heart issues and various other things slowly failing but that's not the worst of it. Her mind is starting to go. She's 89, mother to 6 (now 5), and grandmother and then some to 10 times that. She got into an argument a month ago with my mom that my 35 year old cousin Mike had given her a certain necklace for her 24th birthday.

She's a second mother to me. Any cooking or baking skills I have (and there are some) I learned from her. My morals (yes I do have them) were first instilled in me by her. I also feel a sense of gratitude for her for being alive, almost along the lines of lineal piety.

And yet...

I'm in awe of her.

The woman is so at peace and prepared to die you'd think she's a Buddhist monk or something. Typical conversation with her:

Me: "How ya doing Nanny?"
Gm: " Ahh well ya know. I got up this morning so that was good..."

Wow. The whole time she'll be smiling. The woman's religous faith is so rock solid it's fucking diamond. This makes me glad, but in the end she's still dying, and I have to hold back the tears.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 10:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Tyr



Joined: 26 Aug 2006
Posts: 31
Location: New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences. Sad I think most of us can only hope to have that kind of fortitude on our own deathbeds, whether religious or not.

It certainly sounds as though she has led a very fulfilled life, perhaps that is helping her.
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CopperTop



Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 127
Location: South of Next Tuesday

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Darkcyde -

I went through this with my Aunt Stella. When I was 11, she was diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer that had metasticized into her bones. After one round of radiation and chemotherapy, she decided no more of that, she just wanted a balance of pain management so she could be lucid enough to deal with what was coming.

My folks would send me over to my aunt and uncle's to cook meals for them, as my uncle was a wreck. When George was out of the house, Stella and I would talk. She accepted what was coming, and in a way was looking forward to discovering the next stage of the journey of eternity. She was hoping that there was an afterlife in which she would see her daughter Cecelia again (Cece had died in an auto accident the year before). She also had me secretly place calls to the mortuary so she could save Uncle George the pain of arranging her funeral by doing it herself. She even arranged for my uncle to meet the woman that would eventually be his 4th wife - she called an old friend of hers and tipped her off to what taxi company Uncle George worked for, then requested her friend to ask for George as her driver all the time.

Dark, my point is that those that make peace with the inevitable are most at ease what the mysteries of the other side hold. It is natural to grieve for the loss of loved ones, but remember to celebrate what she means to you and cherish the time you have with her.
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lily



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 1531
Location: worcester, ma

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

your grandmother is truly blessed to be able to greet death with such peace and optimism. but i'm very sorry that you will be losing her.

one of my greatest sadnesses about my grandmother's death is that she was miserable up until the very end; she took her own life because her pain was too great.

i can only hope that when my time comes i will go out like darqcyde's grandma, or coppertop's aunt stella, and not like my grandmother (or my dad's best friend, who died the same way).
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Gawzz



Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 26

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My great grandpa is dying, and my great grandma has about 5 years left.

It's almost funny that my great gram might outlive my grandma. Almost. Sad
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