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The Terrible Joke Thread
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6269
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:44 pm    Post subject: The Terrible Joke Thread Reply with quote

Hi guys, so I believe we once had a terrible joke thread, but fuck knows where it went. If I might be so bold ...

Q. What type of cheese would you use to hide a small horse?
A. Mascapone.

So I went to the market the other day, and this dude starts chucking cheese at me, just throwing cheddar at me and everything. I pulled him up, said 'Oi. That's not very mature, is it?'

Dude starts throwing all kindsa milk and butter at me, cream, everything. How dare he!

I walked past the fridge before, man I could swear I could hear onions singing Bee Gees songs. Don't worry, it was just chives talkin'.

So my friend told me he thinks he's the brightest star in the night sky. Don't worry though, I don't think he's being Sirius.

Hey, when does cheese get taken off you? When it's ... NACHO CHEESE!

etc
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 6118
Location: California

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeves.
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6269
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm writing a song about tortilla bread. Well, it's more of a wrap actually.
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10702

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr Gary wrote:
I'm writing a song about tortilla bread. Well, it's more of a wrap actually.


WIN
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6269
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was at the beach the other day, couldn't help myself, stole an inflatable. Best lilo for a while.
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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

man I heard the best joke today.
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Oneponytoruleall



Joined: 02 Jan 2011
Posts: 3114

PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr Gary wrote:
I was at the beach the other day, couldn't help myself, stole an inflatable. Best lilo for a while.


I heard about that.
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10626
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gary's mum is a really nice lady that no one can say anything bad about.



















Yeah, i thought that was pretty unfunny too
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Atrophy Annie



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1690
Location: Your Mom

PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9589

PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

here, I've got a bad joke for you:

"Wearing clothes that attract attention for the purpose of attracting attention stems from a desire on the side of the woman for love, if not actual sex. She may be married, or have a significant other, but if she is alone at a bar wearing those clothes she still has a desire for love (from a person she approves of, of course). Now men see this desire and *will* respond in kind. This is a known danger, and if a woman didn't expect attention from sexually minded guys then she is an idiot as much as the person who decided not to wear a seatbelt. What happens from there may not be under her control, but she put herself in that position and should have thouht a little before doing so."

- Mellowfish, circa 2006
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Snorri



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10878
Location: hiding the decline.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sam wrote:
here, I've got a bad joke for you:

"Wearing clothes that attract attention for the purpose of attracting attention stems from a desire on the side of the woman for love, if not actual sex. She may be married, or have a significant other, but if she is alone at a bar wearing those clothes she still has a desire for love (from a person she approves of, of course). Now men see this desire and *will* respond in kind. This is a known danger, and if a woman didn't expect attention from sexually minded guys then she is an idiot as much as the person who decided not to wear a seatbelt. What happens from there may not be under her control, but she put herself in that position and should have thouht a little before doing so."

- Mellowfish, circa 2006


Good times.
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tinkeringIdiot



Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Posts: 1057

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He ate his dinner before it was cool.
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Flavius Maximus



Joined: 07 May 2011
Posts: 799
Location: The Wrong side of the Reality Zone Sign

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says, "What is this - some kind of joke?"
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LD!



Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 1139
Location: Just west of the Atlantic

PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Atrophy Annie wrote:
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"


http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2178
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Michael



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 10702

PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm just gonna rerun my google+ account here, seems entirely appropriate

*cough*

ahem!

Oh Monday! Tuesday and of course Wednesday. Thursday & Friday. Saturday! And who could forget Sunday?
Ah those were the days.
Those were the days.
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