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Feminism because why not make a thread for it?
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Considering my bizarre and deep rooted fear of being pregnant (like it makes no logical sense to get anxiety attacks over possible pregnancy while i was still a virgin but it still happened) it would have always been adoption for me.

It's a little ridiculous how many guys get all huffy about -not- getting to spread their genes. The last boyfriend seemed pretty miffed at the idea. (We broke up for other reasons* long before the kids thing became a big issue)

*"what do you MEAN I can't go to bars with my friends and hit on other women? don't be so jealous."
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Darqcyde



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
I'm one of those people that changed. Somewhere around 25 the idea of marriage went from seeming improbable (how could a relationship possibly last that long?) to possible and desirable. I still don't know how probable they are to work "forever," but the idea of being with one person for the rest of my life seems nice.

I've never really wanted kids, but that's mainly because I have some shitty genes. Diabetes, MS, bad eyesight... that's a lot to throw at a kid. I might adopt, though.


I think most of us here probably think you'd be an awesome dad.

Speaking of bad genes, I go a question about guys having kids: Haven't there been connections made between older men having kids and the rise in genetic birth defects (like autism) because of gene mutations over time? If so, have there been any ages determined where "after age XX your likelihood of having a child with severe genetic birth defects?
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Snorri



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:

It's a little ridiculous how many guys get all huffy about -not- getting to spread their genes. The last boyfriend seemed pretty miffed at the idea. (We broke up for other reasons* long before the kids thing became a big issue)


I don't understand why that's ridiculous. Surely wanting to have kids is a perfectly ok thing, girl or guy?
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Dogen



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are links between advanced age in both parents and things like Downs syndrome, schizophrenia, low birth weight, etc. Everything wears out as you get older, even the quality of your sperm.
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Samsally



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Snorri wrote:
Samsally wrote:

It's a little ridiculous how many guys get all huffy about -not- getting to spread their genes. The last boyfriend seemed pretty miffed at the idea. (We broke up for other reasons* long before the kids thing became a big issue)


I don't understand why that's ridiculous. Surely wanting to have kids is a perfectly ok thing, girl or guy?

Having kids and spreading your personal genes are two different things. No, I don't think having kids is ridiculous.

I do take issue to the idea that there is something wrong with ME for not being willing to churn out a baby to spread someone's genes when there are perfectly good parentless children out there that could get a home.
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Snorri



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
Snorri wrote:
Samsally wrote:

It's a little ridiculous how many guys get all huffy about -not- getting to spread their genes. The last boyfriend seemed pretty miffed at the idea. (We broke up for other reasons* long before the kids thing became a big issue)


I don't understand why that's ridiculous. Surely wanting to have kids is a perfectly ok thing, girl or guy?

Having kids and spreading your personal genes are two different things. No, I don't think having kids is ridiculous.

I do take issue to the idea that there is something wrong with ME for not being willing to churn out a baby to spread someone's genes when there are perfectly good parentless children out there that could get a home.


Well having your own (not-adopted) kids is a thing for a lot of people, and I understand it. Hell, I want to make babies at one point myself too.

But yeah it's ridiculous to say not wanting that is somehow wrong. It's ok to look for someone who agrees with you, but it being a legit reason to not continue a relationship and something being an actual fault of someone aren't the same thing.
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bitflipper



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
I've never really wanted kids, but that's mainly because I have some shitty genes. Diabetes, MS, bad eyesight... that's a lot to throw at a kid. I might adopt, though.

My daughter is my daughter by adoption, and I still consider her to be 100% my daughter. I decided long ago that I would never sire a child; I got dealt about as shitty a hand by genetics as you did, Dogen (substitute epilepsy for MS, and toss essential hypertension into the mix, plus a family history of cancer. There were times I really wanted to ask my parents "What the hell did you two think you were doing?!"). But, I also realized, with that choice, that what I have to offer a child comes from my head and my heart, not from my loins.

I swore, as a youth, that I'd only marry once and that I'd marry for life. Well, my ex has managed to prove my youthful idealism at least half-wrong; as for the other half, we'll see. If I do remarry, and my future wife wants children, then we'll be adopting. I found it was a good choice once; I doubt I'd regret making the same choice, again.
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Darqcyde



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
Snorri wrote:
Samsally wrote:

It's a little ridiculous how many guys get all huffy about -not- getting to spread their genes. The last boyfriend seemed pretty miffed at the idea. (We broke up for other reasons* long before the kids thing became a big issue)


I don't understand why that's ridiculous. Surely wanting to have kids is a perfectly ok thing, girl or guy?

Having kids and spreading your personal genes are two different things. No, I don't think having kids is ridiculous.

I do take issue to the idea that there is something wrong with ME for not being willing to churn out a baby to spread someone's genes when there are perfectly good parentless children out there that could get a home.


That settles it. You just need to move to Bellingham, shack up with Dogen, and adopt a bunch of kids together Wink

On a much more serious note, I think anyone who has adopted children or does adopt children, or even does foster care, should be commended. I think it takes a certain type of strength and quality of personal character that should be recognized.

On a related note here's a video (OMG I didn't know they made a full blown video for this)
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Samsally



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I apologize for being unclear. It's a pet peeve of mine, because nobody (especially dudes I've dated) seems to take me seriously when I'm like "no seriously, it would be like 9 months of straight panic attack, including difficulty breathing, crying uncontrollably, and not being able to sleep unless completely physically drained from 1 and 2."

It's just like 'ahahaha oh you, being pregnant can't be that bad.' and then i have the option to go into detail and potentially give myself an anxiety attack, or let it slide without comment.

Anybody that has actually had a kid gets like 100 badass points from me and a lot of respect.
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Darqcyde



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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
I apologize for being unclear. It's a pet peeve of mine, because nobody (especially dudes I've dated) seems to take me seriously when I'm like "no seriously, it would be like 9 months of straight panic attack, including difficulty breathing, crying uncontrollably, and not being able to sleep unless completely physically drained from 1 and 2."

It's just like 'ahahaha oh you, being pregnant can't be that bad.' and then i have the option to go into detail and potentially give myself an anxiety attack, or let it slide without comment.

Anybody that has actually had a kid gets like 100 badass points from me and a lot of respect.

I think you're selling yourself short. A lot of people don't bother with nearly the level of self examination you have done and wind up getting themselves in all kinds of bad situations. I think that knowing and admitting that "I can't do X because of Y" is a good thing and shows a lot of thoughtfulness, maturity, and honesty with yourself; it's like the anti-DunningĖKruger effect.
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Last edited by Darqcyde on Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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Lasairfiona



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let's see, I am bipolar and Chris has a family history of heart problems but this probably won't stop us from reproducing at some point. What would stop us is OH GOD KIDS!!!!
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jwing



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been pregnant three times, two of which came to full term (the first one 18 years ago today). I choose to be pregnant. I can understand why people would choose not to.

And that's also what feminism is about, isn't it? Freedom of choice Full body autonomy, with the acceptance that you will be responsible for the consequences of the choices you make.
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Lasairfiona



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Absolutely! Can you pretty please go into more detail about how and why you decided to have kids?
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Black Kitty



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lasairfiona wrote:
Absolutely! Can you pretty please go into more detail about how and why you decided to have kids?


Seconded. If it's not too personal, I would love to hear more about that part of your life.
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Mr_Moustache



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice thread, where, Eugenics meet Foucault. I am claiming the term self-disciplining non-replicating docile survival machines.
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Last edited by Mr_Moustache on Mon Feb 25, 2013 11:29 am; edited 1 time in total
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