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The Character Name Clearinghouse for Idiots
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Dennis J. Squidbunny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3792
Location: AUSTRALIA YOU FAKIR

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WheelsOfConfusion wrote:
...the swashbuckling rustic...

...the urbane dame... "


superb!
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Dennis J. Squidbunny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3792
Location: AUSTRALIA YOU FAKIR

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Penny McNichols folded the children's clothes gently, placed them in a cardboard box. She walked the cardboard box down the hall, through the basement door, and put it on the top shelf of an old wooden cupboard. When she came back upstairs, a car back fired, and she screamed.
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Dennis J. Squidbunny



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3792
Location: AUSTRALIA YOU FAKIR

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The Slanchman's have been growing corn here for four generations, and we're not moving now!" said Whanesley, patriarch of the Middlehook Slanchmans."

Middlehook County Bank's head of resposessions, Meaureguard Codgebert seethed, his round bald head turned the colour of a good beet, and his teeth snapped through the end of his guitar.

"Whanesley!" he said, "I don't give a God god damn about corn! I just want you to hold me!"
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dennis J. Squidbunny wrote:
Penny McNichols folded the children's clothes gently, placed them in a cardboard box. She walked the cardboard box down the hall, through the basement door, and put it on the top shelf of an old wooden cupboard. When she came back upstairs, a car back fired, and she screamed.




A twang of madness resounded through every fiber of Gwen Schmeterling's being as she looked out into the vermilion night, and a crooked smile appeared at the very edge of her crimson-stained lips.

Damn Penny McNichols! Damn Lloyd Limoney! How dare they take her children's clothes from her. But tonight, she would finally taste vengeance. Tonight would truly be a good night.

A car backfired in the distance, and she cackled in delight. Yes. A good night indeed.
“Sleep tight, Lloyd,” she whispered, holding back a demented giggle. “I'm coming for your children's clothes next. And your little dog's, too."
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Last edited by Heretical Rants on Sun Dec 23, 2012 3:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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Mr Gary



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 6269
Location: Some pub in England

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joshua 'Joystick' Elephantisis, philanderer and yachtsman.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12307
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The world may not have ended on December 21st, 2012, but Donald Poon was now wishing it had. Weary of constant troubleshooting, he finally gave the venture up. Carefully putting away his tools, he consigned the non-functional Doomsday Machine to the curb for garbage collection, and poured himself a drink from the small bar he'd installed in his basement lair. "The Man Cave," he'd described it to his wife. "The Poon Cave," he'd called it in his heart of hearts.
Perhaps "Super Villain" was not the hobby for him, after all.
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 5:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A chill sprang up from the base of Lloyd's neck, and he twitched, the box of children's clothes tumbling from his arms. He stopped, looking down at his upturned palms, quivering from some unknown fear.

His collection of children's clothes had grown, certainly. Perhaps he would finally win some recognition from the Foundation. But still, Lloyd couldn't shake the feeling that he had made one too many enemies.

He swore that he would quit tomorrow, and got to work categorizing the socks.
Outside, a car backfired, and Lloyd Limoney's eye started twitching uncontrollably for the first time in many years.
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fritterdonut



Joined: 24 Jul 2012
Posts: 1194
Location: Hedonism

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brimly Wahrnacht the Third was a troubled man. He was driving a stolen car. A stolen car that happened to have a body in the back seat and $500,000 in stolen silverware in the trunk. Silverware that happened to be stolen from Buckingham palace.

These were, however, the least of Brimly's worries; As the Rolls Royce flew off the cliff edge and in to the wild blue yonder.
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To get things done, you must love the doing, not the secondary consequences. The work, not the people. Your own action, not any possible object of your charity.
-Howard Roark, The Fountainhead
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12307
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merv Scamperson and Eddie van Tillplunder thought they were in the clear. They assumed that daybreak would see them enjoying their ill-gotten 8 million simoleans on the beaches of Cozumel, sipping overpriced fountain drinks from frosted glasses with tiny parasols stuck in them (the drinks, not the two bandits). What they couldn't have foreseen was that their heist had upped the dander of the one man who could bring them to justice. As their getaway Weinermobile sped off into the distance, Maxlaw Snacklord donned his pursuin' hat and prepared to give chase.
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 7:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.sinfest.net/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=6609&start=47


Dr Horsedong McMouthfucker looked out into the open air. Once, she would not have simply looked, but also leapt, but she had grown far less bold in her old age.

At least she knew people would always count on her to say something clever. It was a necessary skill in a world of snickering idiots that would never live her name down if she did not intimidate them into submission with a show of wit.

Having thoroughly examined the space before her, she took a timid first step that quickly turned into a confident stride. She would not show weakness.
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I CAME UP WITH SOME HILARIOUS NEW BONA FIDE 100% FICTIONAL NOT-BASED-ON-REAL-PEOPLE NAMES, Y'ALL


Vladimir Cruz
Ted Putin
Paul Nugent
Ted Ryan
Newt Palin
Sarah Gingrich
Justice von Scalia
Ripdingle Johannes van Nosepoif
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9583

PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spokerfrane Zulgulper
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9583

PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pemdywhoops Beerfrontbeef
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9583

PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

David Ryder
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quince Meatbeam sat at the back of the lecture hall, a dull downward stare stuck on his stupid face. French Piss Addict glanced back at him and snorted with derision. Quince would never be a successful lemon snogger at this rate.

The teacher gurgled something about countering the acidity particularly acrid lemons, and Quince fell through the floor. "WHERE AM I. WHY AM I A JELLY BEAN," he screamed, startled awake as he plummeted into mediocrity.
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