Write Gary a letter of reference

Dogen · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 11084 Location: PDX

So Gary is applying for jobs, and I told him we would all be a reference for him. Feel free to write a nice reference for him here, so he can direct prospective employers to read them. I'll start.

Letter one:
Have you seen his cock? Me either, but if it would get me a beer I'd let him show me.

Letter two:
I love Gary more than he loves LiLo, and I have the sore wrist to prove it.

Letter three:
I would totally let Gary fuck my mom, even though history tells us he wouldn't call her later.

Letter four:
Of all the people who defended rape jokes, his were definitely the funniest.
_________________
"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. I’ll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

CTrees · Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 3772

I'm pretty sure Gary isn't a lizard person. Unless that would help him get the job, in which case I'm pretty sure he is.
_________________
“Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation”
yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation.

ShadowCell · Joined: 03 Aug 2008 Posts: 6253 Location: California

i have seen Gary's birth certificate and can attest to its validity

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10789

If someone even _mentions_ Gary, I immediately want to start drinking

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10789

This one time we were in Amsterdam and we had been drinking and Gary - who was off work - had also been drinking, and then these English guys shouted at us from across the road (through a window) asking if we wanted poppers but Gary didn't want any. Because he's responsible like that.

Halen · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 1883 Location: England

I once drove Gary home. He was really drunk. So was I, but he said he was really impressed.

Then I made bread.

Dogen · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 11084 Location: PDX

Letter five:
I would drink anywhere Gary works. I would go out of my way to drink there. When I'm soused and no one else will serve me, I can always count on Gary.

Letter six:
Gary knows how to tap profitable new markets, like underage teenagers. My friend and his underage girlfriend love drinking with Gary.
_________________
"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. I’ll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10789

This one time I saw a guy in the street that looked liked Gary but I wasn't sure it was him so I asked. "Who wants to know?" He said. Always cautious, that Gary.

Mr Gary · Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:47 pm Post subject:

Aw you guys, you shouldn't have! No, really, you shouldn't have.

I'm going to have to bleach the internets now.

Not really though. It's just that my cum really smells of bleach. It has a real bleachy smell to it.

Dogen · Joined: 10 Jul 2006 Posts: 11084 Location: PDX

Letter seven:
Gary's semen can cure diseases, because of all the meds he takes. At least that's what he told me when I asked about the smell...

Letter eight:
Any time I need a boob-related nickname for a girl I call Gary. He's always got one. Like my current girl, Hooty McBoob. He's a genius!
_________________
"Worse comes to worst, my people come first, but my tribe lives on every country on earth. I’ll do anything to protect them from hurt, the human race is what I serve." - Baba Brinkman

Mr Gary · Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:13 pm Post subject:

Snorri · Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:15 pm Post subject:

Gary puts great value on discretion and never mentions the time he helped me bury that dead hooker.
_________________

Mr Gary · Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:17 pm Post subject:

Hey man, no probs. If I started talking shit about that online, Marnix would know which one of his mattresses to throw out.

Safe, innit.

Michael · Joined: 09 Jul 2006 Posts: 10789

We will support you all throughout the job finding process! Every single step!

Martian Kyo · Joined: 12 Jul 2006 Posts: 1542