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A Respectful Conversation about Rape Culture
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Tekii



Joined: 27 May 2012
Posts: 184

PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah Darqcyde, as someone with a large chest, fuck you. I've been harassed about them since I was 13 and the fact that they're larger then average somehow means its acceptable for fucking everyone to comment on them. I wear a bathing suit and they stand out. I wear a tank top and they stand out. I wear a t-shirt and they stand out. I wear a sweater and they stand out. I wear my fucking winter jacket and they stand out. And because of that I should just accept that people are going to comment on it as if I hadn't realized I have two large breasts stuck to the front of my body for most of my life? Why should I be harassed for something that 'shows them off' when anything other then a turtleneck can give cleavage? Why should I be harassed if I want to wear something fitted and pretty because I'm somehow showing them off? And comparing it to some guy in a speedo is such bullshit because men aren't walking around in speedo's all day minding their own business and still being harassed for it.
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bodyshaming is always shitty.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 10:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tekii wrote:
And comparing it to some guy in a speedo is such bullshit because men aren't walking around in speedo's all day minding their own business and still being harassed for it.

Speak for yourself. The temp broke 60 today and I am enjoying a beer at my local bar dressed only in a banana hammock. Let me tell you, I'm getting plenty of attention.

But no, seriously, Darq made a horrible point. Women are harassed for what they wear whether they have big boobs or not.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6072

PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy body policing, batman.

It's not okay to tell people to dress differently in order to not be harassed. Instead, please blame the harassers for their own behavior.

Edit: Which... I guess has been said. Repeatedly. Whoops.
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Tekii



Joined: 27 May 2012
Posts: 184

PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
Tekii wrote:
And comparing it to some guy in a speedo is such bullshit because men aren't walking around in speedo's all day minding their own business and still being harassed for it.

Speak for yourself. The temp broke 60 today and I am enjoying a beer at my local bar dressed only in a banana hammock. Let me tell you, I'm getting plenty of attention.

But no, seriously, Darq made a horrible point. Women are harassed for what they wear whether they have big boobs or not.


I use Celsius so that is extremely sweltering in my mind and I'm amazed you survived at all.

And yeah I know I was just ragey at his implying that if women just covered up more then that would magically make boobs less noticeable somehow and people less likely to comment and if you stand out in any way you're not allowed to complain because of reasons!
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel like it's just totally rude all around, even if it isn't about boobs. I knew a guy who was suuuuper tall and he could rant endlessly about how old "how's the weather" jokes get. It's not the same level because it's not sexualizing him in a way he was uncomfortable with but still. Totally rude.

Firefox insists "sexualizing" isn't a word. Fuck you, Firefox, I do what I want.
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Tekii



Joined: 27 May 2012
Posts: 184

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would totally take 'how's the weather' jokes for the ability to reach the top shelf instead of trying to find a box to stand on.
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10065
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tekii wrote:
Yeah Darqcyde, as someone with a large chest, fuck you. I've been harassed about them since I was 13 and the fact that they're larger then average somehow means its acceptable for fucking everyone to comment on them. I wear a bathing suit and they stand out. I wear a tank top and they stand out. I wear a t-shirt and they stand out. I wear a sweater and they stand out. I wear my fucking winter jacket and they stand out. And because of that I should just accept that people are going to comment on it as if I hadn't realized I have two large breasts stuck to the front of my body for most of my life? Why should I be harassed for something that 'shows them off' when anything other then a turtleneck can give cleavage? Why should I be harassed if I want to wear something fitted and pretty because I'm somehow showing them off? And comparing it to some guy in a speedo is such bullshit because men aren't walking around in speedo's all day minding their own business and still being harassed for it.


Um, are you illiterate?

darqcyde wrote:
Now I'm not saying anyone has a right to stare at anyone else in a way that makes them feels uncomfortable nor does anyone have any reason to harass someone unprovoked.


That was the second sentence I typed.


BTW, I'm not implying anyone should cover up. I'm not saying anyone should be treated poorly.

And my points not horrible. If you (not you specifically, I mean you as in the general sense) have a body feature and are aware it attracts attention, and then do something that causes it to attract more attention, and then complain that its attracting attention, how does that not make you an idiot?

This isn't about body shaming nor is this about anyone having the right to insult anyone.

Also, no one has addressed what I said:

Quote:
I'd posit any extreme physical trait (being really tall, really short, really fat, having a really long beard, hair down to the floor, etc.) is going to attract attention. Humans notice differences, it's how we work. Now it's not fair and it sucks and its a legitimate gripe but it's how life goes.

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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 2786
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

darqcyde wrote:
Now I'm not saying anyone has a right to stare at anyone else in a way that makes them feels uncomfortable nor does anyone have any reason to harass someone unprovoked.


That was the second sentence I typed.

This isn't about body shaming nor is this about anyone having the right to insult anyone.
[/quote]

You followed it up by insulting people who don't follow your standards. You say no one has a right to stare, but the rest of your argument basically says people are asking for it.


darqcyde wrote:

Also, no one has addressed what I said:

Quote:
I'd posit any extreme physical trait (being really tall, really short, really fat, having a really long beard, hair down to the floor, etc.) is going to attract attention. Humans notice differences, it's how we work. Now it's not fair and it sucks and its a legitimate gripe but it's how life goes.


If it is a legitimate gripe, why are you complaining about other people complaining about it? They are simultaneously supposed to be allowed to do what they want, yet never exercise this right because you can't keep your eyes off their chests?
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Tekii



Joined: 27 May 2012
Posts: 184

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Darqcyde wrote:
Tekii wrote:
Yeah Darqcyde, as someone with a large chest, fuck you. I've been harassed about them since I was 13 and the fact that they're larger then average somehow means its acceptable for fucking everyone to comment on them. I wear a bathing suit and they stand out. I wear a tank top and they stand out. I wear a t-shirt and they stand out. I wear a sweater and they stand out. I wear my fucking winter jacket and they stand out. And because of that I should just accept that people are going to comment on it as if I hadn't realized I have two large breasts stuck to the front of my body for most of my life? Why should I be harassed for something that 'shows them off' when anything other then a turtleneck can give cleavage? Why should I be harassed if I want to wear something fitted and pretty because I'm somehow showing them off? And comparing it to some guy in a speedo is such bullshit because men aren't walking around in speedo's all day minding their own business and still being harassed for it.


Um, are you illiterate?

darqcyde wrote:
Now I'm not saying anyone has a right to stare at anyone else in a way that makes them feels uncomfortable nor does anyone have any reason to harass someone unprovoked.


That was the second sentence I typed.


BTW, I'm not implying anyone should cover up. I'm not saying anyone should be treated poorly.

And my points not horrible. If you (not you specifically, I mean you as in the general sense) have a body feature and are aware it attracts attention, and then do something that causes it to attract more attention, and then complain that its attracting attention, how does that not make you an idiot?

This isn't about body shaming nor is this about anyone having the right to insult anyone.

Also, no one has addressed what I said:

Quote:
I'd posit any extreme physical trait (being really tall, really short, really fat, having a really long beard, hair down to the floor, etc.) is going to attract attention. Humans notice differences, it's how we work. Now it's not fair and it sucks and its a legitimate gripe but it's how life goes.


You said your issue is 'when same said girl with really big boobs then dresses in a manner that causes her boobs to standout even more and then complains that people are staring at her boobs' like shes not allowed to say anything because people are justified in staring since she just wasn't, what, modest enough? What constitutes as making her boobs stand out? Why does that give people permission to stare at her chest? And if you're not implying people should cover up then how would one stand out less without covering up?
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
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Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To further clarify: I'm not talking about a girl wearing something tight fitting or revealing. I'm talking about wearing outfits that reveal so much skin a person would think you might be going to a rave or the beach. Like one girl I used to work with, let's call her Z. One time she came in on her day off wearing boy shorts that had her ass cheeks hanging out the bottom and and her semi-sheer white t-shirt not only had a plunging neckline but you could clearly see a lacy pink bra underneath. There were four of us on that day. I didn't even notice her, one of my female co-worers called my attention to Z. When she came over to say hi she talked about how some creepy guy had checked her out on the way in. There's was a lot of silence from our side of the conversation.

I came to learn that she would often dress like this and complain about getting a lot of unwanted attention. This was told to me by other female coworkers, who BTW, were the ones that would go into the whole "OMG she looks like a slut" as soon as Z would leave ear shot. From how my wife tells it, in her experience, she has always suffered the most harassment about her looks from women, not guys, which is pretty fucked up.
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Last edited by Darqcyde on Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:51 am; edited 1 time in total
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Tekii



Joined: 27 May 2012
Posts: 184

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Darqcyde wrote:
I'm not talking about a girl wearing something tight fitting or revealing.

I'm talking about wearing outfits that reveal so much skin a person would think you might be going to a rave or the beach.


So you are talking about outfits that are revealing then.
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10065
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tekii wrote:
Darqcyde wrote:
I'm not talking about a girl wearing something tight fitting or revealing.

I'm talking about wearing outfits that reveal so much skin a person would think you might be going to a rave or the beach.


So you are talking about outfits that are revealing then.


No, i mean there's a difference between showing some cleavage or even a short skirt, and a top where if you lift your arms up or lean over your boobs fall out or a dress that is almost a belt.
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ShadowCell



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 5896
Location: California

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's right, if you have big boobs you just aren't allowed to wear clothes like that, because Body Police Officer Darqcyde says so
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3152

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why are you assuming that the women complaining about being ogled are wearing this revealing clothing?

It's just been explained to you first hand how difficult it can be to NOT have the boobs stick out once they reach critical mass.

More to the point, if your first reaction to someone saying you're making them uncomfortable or creeping them out is to get defensive and blame them, it really says something about your value system and ability to accept that you aren't infallible.
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