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Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and the rest
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Monkey Mcdermott



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 3315

PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So every time i hear the term "Gray Ace" I end up daydreaming about people flying about in WW1 style aircraft shooting down other WW1 aircraft that fire bad pick up lines at them.


So yeah....sharing that.
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Finnegan



Joined: 01 May 2007
Posts: 1080
Location: in that cool mountain air, on an appalachian trail

PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm just going to link this because most of what I had been mulling over to try to express here just sort of stumbled out of my fingers in that other post.
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Formerly Green_Finn

hey! rock bottom's not that bad
we've got glow-in-the-dark fish down here that's rad
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winterflame



Joined: 21 Jun 2012
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, I think I finally found a description that fits, but it's a mouthful. My fiance doesn't actually care what I label myself, so long as I am happy with it. And he knows this was bugging me. Thanks Samsally btw for giving me the idea to look up.

Two Shades of Grey, Grey-Panromantic Grey-Heterosexual.

Amazing how something as simple as finding a label that suites you can make you feel better.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6425

PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I guess Tuesday I'm 'coming out' to a guy because it's the first time I know for sure 'hanging out' is actually 'going on a date' and honestly I can't stop having anxiety attacks over it every time I think about it too hard.

None of my friends get it. They don't even understand the need for it and they just look at me like it's my own damn fault and I put myself in this situation and maybe I kind of did? I don't know. I could just be single and lonely forever but that option sucks too.

But seriously i don't know how to do this and it terrifies me on a level that doesn't even make sense. Its going to be so horrible and awkward and i'm literally giving myself a headache and chest pains and i don't know how to stop freaking out.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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winterflame



Joined: 21 Jun 2012
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 10:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How did it go?
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6425

PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh! I guess I didn't update here, eh?

It went pretty well, all things considered. I mean I tried to be clear and he was just like "Okay that's cool." and made a comment about not wanting to pressure or something like that (apologies, even important conversations in my world get regulated to glossed over paraphrasing because I have a really tragic memory). It was horrifyingly awkward and then we talked about Star Wars and video games for nearly an hour. I'm not 100% sure I was as clear as I hoped to be, but I did tell him to google 'asexual' or just ask if he had any questions and he hasn't asked so I really dunno what he's done from there.

At this point things are progressing at a somewhat glacial pace and honestly I kind of like it. I get all tangled up in anxiety right up until we're actively talking to each other, then I'm like "Oh right, he's actually really cool. Duh." so I dunno, we'll see how things go from here.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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Mercian



Joined: 27 Feb 2013
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think a big stumbling block in a relationship, especially at the start, can be our own mental picture of what the other person's expectations will be. What they'll want, and what will disappoint them if we don't fill those expectations. If you find someone awesome, who you can really talk to about anything, then it's possible to discuss sex and desire, and libido (or absence of it). But it's hard to get to that place without being in a relationship, so it's kind of a catch-22 situation. And it's only one layer of worry on top of maybe finding out that we were right - we don't satisfy their wants.

I don't think there's an easy solution - short of going around in a t-shirt that says 'yes, a fuck probably is out of the question'. All we can do is to try and handle our own anxiety about what we think someone expects - at least that's in our own heads.

I think that's why my most successful relationship has grown out of an internet friendship. We talked for a long time before we ever met in person, and were already comfortable and able to share stuff I'd never have been able to say face-to-face with someone. She knew my brain was a bit scrambled, and how it had affected me, and I knew she had a really low libido. So when we actually got together, we'd already got past the awkward conversation without it ever being awkward - I already knew she wouldn't expect spankyfuntimes in bed, and we could get onto the important business of designing airships and complaining about Doctor Who.

I mean, seriously. Tunnels under Venice?
.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6425

PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I definitely agree with you. Communication -sounds- so simple right up until you find yourself in a situation so awkward you feel like you could bottle it and sell it to Saturday morning cartoon villains.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3370
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my experience, coming out and talking about gender/sexuality stuff gets easier the more you do it. So it's awkward now but in the future it won't be - and if you talk about this stuff with supportive people, it'll become easier still.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12170
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So be sure to practice with random old people on the bus! They think they've heard it all? You're doin' 'em a favor by proving them wrong, AND you get XP to spend on your Awkward Issues Communication skill tree!
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3370
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, then you can just pass out tracts to them all about gender.
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Mercian



Joined: 27 Feb 2013
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look at this - a new tool in the gender-enforcement toolkit: http://baby-bangs.com/index2.php Baby Bangs - hair bands to make your little princess look like a girl, because all baby girls have a full head of hair, and heaven forbid people don't know you've decided the gender of your child for them from birth. Fuck.

Coming soon: babycocks - pack that nappy with a proper, manly 'bulge'! Alternatively, run up to strangers and scream 'IT'S A BOY' into their startled, unwitting faces.

GENDER!!!

~breathes~
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9501

PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would sell this to people. Because, you know, if you're so fucking weird about baby gender markers that you will have a baby wear a wig so nobody mistakes it for a boy, i have categorized you as a person whose money i want to part you from.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3370
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sure they go great with heels for babies. (Yes, that's a totally real product.)

There are also wigs for cats.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12170
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 5:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are also wigs for crotches, but those are more understandably gendered.
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