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Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and the rest
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed, it sucks that both these problems are happening at the same time. I did okay awhile back when I decided that I'd just go without and not worry since I wasn't passing anyway. But then some people did some stupid things when they ought to have known better, and then it all fell apart from there.

I've been meaning to get two of the swimsuits from Underworks so I can go swimming, but inevitably there's no money for it. Plus I worry that binding while swimming will just make me pass out or something. Plus, I don't want to look like I'm on a swim team. (Because there's just one style to choose from.)
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 817
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

stripeypants wrote:
Indeed, it sucks that both these problems are happening at the same time. I did okay awhile back when I decided that I'd just go without and not worry since I wasn't passing anyway. But then some people did some stupid things when they ought to have known better, and then it all fell apart from there.

I've been meaning to get two of the swimsuits from Underworks so I can go swimming, but inevitably there's no money for it. Plus I worry that binding while swimming will just make me pass out or something. Plus, I don't want to look like I'm on a swim team. (Because there's just one style to choose from.)


What kind of stupid things did they do? You don't have to answer if you don't want. I don't pass either, it doesn't help that I'm 5'0". Binding is mostly for my benefit, I can't handle feeling my chest, uh, moving without feeling really weird and a bit gross.

The swimsuits from Underworks do kinda look like that hey haha. I've heard stories of people wearing binders under rash shirts, but that doesn't really solve the passing out problem.
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9552

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 7:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ennis wrote:
stripeypants wrote:

I've stopped binding, because anxiety makes it hard enough to breathe. So clothes are even more limited.

Does your mom seem supportive?

Yeah, mostly, I think she's finally getting that this isn't something I'm going to snap out of all of a sudden. It's just an awkward topic to bring up, "hey mum, I'd like to get something off my chest... literally".

I'm so sorry for making that terribly overused pun.


I was grinding through this whole thread to catch up and I got to this point and I laughed out loud.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 817
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad it amused someone, because Stripey probably just wants to smack me for making it XD
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nah, I'm good. Am fighting off a cold/etc and not really bothered by much. Plus it's not a joke I think is totally overused. Smile
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9552

PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2013 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's honestly good to be able to get some humor out of a situation as weighty as that, emotionally. Inb4 weighty pun
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
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Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 11:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I forgot to answer - it's a lot of little things over time. Little micro aggressions about appearance, coupled with occasional stupid things
ike, "I don't think you dress conservatively enough, so I'm not going to use proper pronouns."

I just finished writing up a thing about gender policing bathrooms - http://greenwick.livejournal.com/267010.html
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Heretical Rants



Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 5344
Location: No.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:




Quote:
That's hot.


Yeah, it really scrambles my eggs.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12252
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 2:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two pieces of progressive news today. The new AG in Virginia has said he won't defend the state's ban on same-sex marriages, and a transgendered inmate has had her right to a sex change operation upheld by court order.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 817
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

stripeypants wrote:
I forgot to answer - it's a lot of little things over time. Little micro aggressions about appearance, coupled with occasional stupid things
ike, "I don't think you dress conservatively enough, so I'm not going to use proper pronouns."

I just finished writing up a thing about gender policing bathrooms - http://greenwick.livejournal.com/267010.html

Ah, I see. Pretty much no one in my life uses my pronouns. I'm visiting my dad in the Philippines right now (he just moved here a year or so ago) and the rate of misgendering has gone through the roof. Even though he knows, even though I've had at least two emotional talks with him, it doesn't matter. He thinks I look female, therefore I just need to accept the "she"s and "girl"s and expressing any kind of discomfort is "drawing attention to yourself" and "why do you care so much what other people call you?". He said "good girl" to me after I washed the dishes, made some kind of comment about me being "domestic" when I was doing the ironing and mentioned how pretty I was when I used to "dress up" (read: present female and put makeup on) and I could have all the boys around me. Even more ridiculous because even if I was a girl, I'd still be asexual soooo >_> Basically even though he doesn't say it, he seems to be under the impression that it's just a phase, or I'm trying to be a special snowflake. He's said stuff like "don't rush into things or you might regret it" obviously referring to stuff like HRT and top surgery. The irony being, of course, that the only way he'll really take me seriously and actually start using non-female pronouns is if I start to "look male".

It's hard to describe his attitude. It's not like he's actively opposed to the idea, he supports me in terms of what I want to wear and doesn't have an issue with me binding, says he loves me, I'm not gonna get kicked out or disowned or anything. He just seems to see me as someone I'm not, and thinks he knows better even though he says he "doesn't know much about this sort of thing".

Oh, also they greet people with sir/ma'am (pronounced "marm") over here. Last time I was here I got basically no sirs but yesterday I got four! Admittedly I'm still marmed most of the time (or awkward silence-ed) but still, an improvement. I'm attributing it to wearing nicer shirts.
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Yinello



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 2761
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 11:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

WheelsOfConfusion wrote:
Two pieces of progressive news today. The new AG in Virginia has said he won't defend the state's ban on same-sex marriages, and a transgendered inmate has had her right to a sex change operation upheld by court order.


Mark Herring gets a plus in my books.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i hope people pay attention to his reason:
Quote:
Asserting that Virginia had too often been on the “wrong side” of justice on civil rights matters, the state attorney general asked a federal court on Thursday to invalidate the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, calling the law unconstitutional and oppressive.


the news had an interview with a woman representing some "pro-family" group, and she was on about how the voters had passed an amendment, and it was the AGs job to go with what the people wanted - but "the people" have been willing to vote in some god-awful oppressive things.

oh, wait, there's an actual quote further down in the article:
Quote:
The House’s top Republican, William J. Howell, said in a statement that Mr. Herring had disregarded the state’s “legislative and democratic processes” by his decision, setting a “dangerous precedent.”


said dangerous precedent being, i guess, complying with the Constitution rather than allowing the rabble to oppress whoever they please.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10796
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

By golly, if the majority of Virginians want to oppress the rights of their fellow Virginians, who's to say they shouldn't be allowed? Other than John Adams (2nd President), John Stuart Mill, Alexis de Tocqueville, and James Madison (4th President)...

Okay so other than two of the signers of the Constitution and one of the most influential philosophers of the 19th century, who says the majority shouldn't be able to impose their will on the minority?

Oh, there's WEB Du Bois and the civil rights movement... but other than huge swaths of American history, some of our Founding Fathers, and philosophers who influenced our political system... other than them, who says the majority shouldn't be allowed to rule over the minority?



This has been a service of Rambling Rhetoric, inc.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3429
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ennis, that really sucks. I've found that the less time I spend around people like that, the better I feel.


Here is a good article I found about what research on transgender people says about gender inequality.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tristan-bridges/transgender-equality_b_4659690.html
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

that puts things in an interesting perspective. i hadn't explicitly thought about gender being a performance for all of us, but it makes sense - and it undoubtedly colors how other people see us, because they expect the performance, and they expect certain things from the performance. bad actors have to expect boos, i guess. but why do we all have to be good actors?

and now i have to work out how i feel about the (potential) value of meeting people's expectations (which has never been a big priority for me) vs. the need for society to have people meet those expectations.

that may not be coherent. i'm still thinking.
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