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Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and the rest
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6437

PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ugh, that does sound awful Ennis, sorry you have to deal with that kinda bs.

But seriously what kind of theatre person doesn't at least know the bare-bones basics of that kind of thing? She's officially getting side-eye all the way from ND for that.

Is this the kind of person you can go to in private to dump some reading materials on or something? If not, is their boss a relatively cool person? Sometimes you can go above their head and just say "look this is the situation and it's seriously messing with me, i feel like i'm getting singled out and put into awkward situations because of their ignorance, can you have a talk with them? maybe send them to a sensitivity training course or something?"

It occurs to me I've been assuming you're in college. If you're still in HS, don't go to the vice principal unless you REALLY trust them. HS politics are eight kinds of bullshit and I don't trust principals and vice principals as far as I can throw them.
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Jabberjay



Joined: 31 Jul 2012
Posts: 259

PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn, for a second I thought you were in Uni, at which point you could make an official complaint that would probably get listened to. If it means anything you make a more handsome man than I do. Seriously, that Facebook pic makes you look like Kurt from Glee (Season 1, specifically). You're tv handsome.

That's the best kind of handsome. I'm just normal handsome and have to make up for it with clothing and accessories.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 763
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
Ugh, that does sound awful Ennis, sorry you have to deal with that kinda bs.

But seriously what kind of theatre person doesn't at least know the bare-bones basics of that kind of thing? She's officially getting side-eye all the way from ND for that.

Is this the kind of person you can go to in private to dump some reading materials on or something? If not, is their boss a relatively cool person? Sometimes you can go above their head and just say "look this is the situation and it's seriously messing with me, i feel like i'm getting singled out and put into awkward situations because of their ignorance, can you have a talk with them? maybe send them to a sensitivity training course or something?"

It occurs to me I've been assuming you're in college. If you're still in HS, don't go to the vice principal unless you REALLY trust them. HS politics are eight kinds of bullshit and I don't trust principals and vice principals as far as I can throw them.

Jabberjay wrote:
Damn, for a second I thought you were in Uni, at which point you could make an official complaint that would probably get listened to.

I am in uni (that's what we call "college" in Australia XD) and I probably would say something if this was going to be a regular teacher but it's a one week masterclass thing. I feel kind of responsible for not saying anything to her beforehand and then bringing it up at most likely the worst possible moment. Like I said, I don't think I'm really going to see her again much, we've moved on (thank god) to the more animation side of things with a different person. Who is French and forgot the word for elbow today so I'm not entirely sure he would even know what trans means. He pretty much only speaks up the front and one on one though so I guess I'm just hoping it's not going to be an issue. As you might guess, this often doesn't work out.

Drama teacher woman really wasn't any worse than most other people, I've probably heard one "he" in the past six months, a fair amount of "her" and a lot of my name. It's not exactly an easy thing to correct, by the time there's even the tiniest silence in the conversation it's two sentences later on another topic and I'd feel really awkward all of a sudden drawing attention to it and therefore me. For some reason my brain decided that the opportune moment to finally correct someone calling me "her" was in a drama class when I was meant to be a high school kid getting a cigarette flicked at me, and she had just asked me about my character's gender to which I panicked and was basically like "I don't know". I guess it's pretty easy if you're a cis person and think there's only two genders that coincide with that assigned at birth but I actually don't tend to think of most people I know as a man or a woman, boy or girl. To me it seems like a pretty big deal to conclusively state you fit in one of these categories. It's like in my mind I know that I have friends who are female, who use "she" as a pronoun, have varying presentations from feminine to androgynous, but I'd never presume to use "woman" or "girl" for them unless they used it for themselves (and even then I still use "person" most of the time). Ditto for any male friends with "he" pronouns and dress, and then any non-binary friends just sort of fit into the same framework with their own pronouns and whatever words they like being used for them. It's like I live in the grey area and am very hesitant to put anyone in the black or white (or pink or blue, I guess) section unless they definitively state they want to be there.

Wait, I just realised I put the drama teacher in the woman box. Eh, she pretty much implied it. Either that or the framework only applies to people I personally know >_>

Jabberjay wrote:
If it means anything you make a more handsome man than I do. Seriously, that Facebook pic makes you look like Kurt from Glee (Season 1, specifically). You're tv handsome.

That's the best kind of handsome. I'm just normal handsome and have to make up for it with clothing and accessories.

Thanks for the compliment but I really don't think I'm that good looking XD Not nearly as good looking as Kurt. The photo attractiveness may be an illusion created by good lighting and angles XD I too must make up for it with clothing and accessories, AKA spending way too much money on ebay. While not particularly looking forward to the hair, I am hoping that the HRT makes my face a bit more angular so I can perhaps look at least 14, maybe 16. If only I could act, I would be a great child star. No need to worry about parents, just hire me and I can legally work all the necessary hours and not look like an unrealistically old middle or high school student. I dibs all the villainous roles.

Damn, now I really wish I could act. I could be some kind of evil kid genius. Or immortal vampire turned when they were young. Or Malfoy from A Very Potter Musical. I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through my own characters and through cosplaying other people's. Speaking of which, my pointy ears arrived! I almost have all the pieces for my Lil'E cosplay, eheheheh.

Man this got off track.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10713
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ennis wrote:
I found it kind of insulting that after all that the trans girl I had tried to be friendly to didn't even say anything to me. I expected a tiny bit of solidarity, but nothing. I'm not sure if her being trans is as obvious to others as it is to me, but as far as I can tell no one's misgendered her or said anything mean. Or anything at all, really. I tried to start up a conversation with her before all this happened but she was really quiet and didn't exactly hold up her side of the conversation. You know when you ask people questions but they break the flow and don't ask anything back and so there's just awkward silence? That's what it was like.

It's hard to know anything without seeing it, but is it possible she feels a lot of anxiety? It could explain why she didn't speak up in class (to avoid drawing attention to herself) and why she had trouble carrying on a conversation (social anxiety)... just a thought.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 763
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
Ennis wrote:
I found it kind of insulting that after all that the trans girl I had tried to be friendly to didn't even say anything to me. I expected a tiny bit of solidarity, but nothing. I'm not sure if her being trans is as obvious to others as it is to me, but as far as I can tell no one's misgendered her or said anything mean. Or anything at all, really. I tried to start up a conversation with her before all this happened but she was really quiet and didn't exactly hold up her side of the conversation. You know when you ask people questions but they break the flow and don't ask anything back and so there's just awkward silence? That's what it was like.

It's hard to know anything without seeing it, but is it possible she feels a lot of anxiety? It could explain why she didn't speak up in class (to avoid drawing attention to herself) and why she had trouble carrying on a conversation (social anxiety)... just a thought.

Yeah, I thought that so I didn't expect it in class, but I tried talking to her one-on-one outside of it at some stage and it flopped, and she hasn't talked to me since >_>.
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Echo



Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Posts: 593

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with the whole trans thing. I mean, if she's not getting misgendered or dodgy comments or anything, then there's not a whole lot of reasons for her to necessarily want to talk about it, even one-to-one. Some people do, others don't. And while you may not be talking to her about the trans thing, it's still kind of why you're talking to her.

Sucks on the solidarity front, but I'm sure she has to make her own decisions based on what works best for her.
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Ennis



Joined: 09 Jun 2013
Posts: 763
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Echo wrote:
Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with the whole trans thing. I mean, if she's not getting misgendered or dodgy comments or anything, then there's not a whole lot of reasons for her to necessarily want to talk about it, even one-to-one. Some people do, others don't. And while you may not be talking to her about the trans thing, it's still kind of why you're talking to her.

Sucks on the solidarity front, but I'm sure she has to make her own decisions based on what works best for her.

Yeah, I know, I didn't really expect it that much. It's just kind of like "Hey, we're both part of a group that makes up like .01% the population! And yet we've met, there's two of us, isn't it incredible?" Basically I'm just impressed whenever I see or meet another trans person in real life, when we didn't meet online. I still think that the most spectacular coincidence of that yet was when the offspring of my father's one-time girlfriend who I ended up becoming really good friends with (way past when my dad ended the relationship) ended up coming out to me as trans just as I'd started my journey of questioning. I don't know what the chances of that are, but I imagine they are small.
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Jabberjay



Joined: 31 Jul 2012
Posts: 259

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 4:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



EDIT: This image is feelsguy and sadfrog hugging, but it isn't working right now.

Believe it or not, I know that feel, bro.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a martian and that if I met another martian, even one from the other ass-end of mars where they have a different culture and language that I'd still identify with them more than I would the average person.

If I were specifically looking for another transperson I'd start with either my local university's LGBT community through their student organizations or I'd just hit up a unisex gay bar, probably The Watchtower because I could pre-drink at The Dominion next door for a buck or two less a pitcher. I don't know how the bar scene is where you live, or even what the drinking age is, but it's a good way to meet almost any kind of person so long as you go to the right bar.

Things might be different for you, though. From what I heard Australia is like bizarro-Canada in a lot of ways.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3397
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I'm in a place where I don't expect to run into queer people and I do, my instinct is to be all "HELLO I AM QUEER, YOU ARE QUEER, LET US HANG OUT TOGETHER."

I know some trans people don't want to associate with other trans people at all, which may also be a possibility. Some people think it draws attention to themselves, and they want to blend in more. Which sucks, but everyone has their things they need to do.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 12182
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And the string of unbroken rulings on SSM finally hits a snag.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Someone very close to me is currently going through a transgender transition. It is not an easy thing to do and I feel that it takes brave individuals to walk that road. I wish I understood how better to support her in her journey.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3397
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 2:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Treat her as normal as possible and readily admit that there are things you don't understand or automatically know. That should work out pretty well.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to know. Now if I can just remember to get her name and pronouns correct in conversation.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
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Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That can be difficult. If you mess up, don't dance around it saying stuff like, "It's just so hard for me!" Just correct yourself and move on. And try to be consistent when not talking to her as well.

I screw up too. With one person I have problems getting pronouns right, and I am not entirely sure why. It's a little ridiculous. It's awkward, and I hope one day I will not have this problem anymore. In the meantime, I just move on and try to remember for next time. I find practicing helps.
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Desire



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 587
Location: AK

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I believe my issue stems from the fact that I have referred to her as a he and by a male name for more then half my life. That is a lot of time to unlearn.
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