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The Afterlife Propositions
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
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Location: Chamber of the House of Lords in the Palace of Westminister

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 12:56 am    Post subject: The Afterlife Propositions Reply with quote

Proposition: When you die, your psyche is immediately reintroduced into existence as Nicolas Cage. You then proceed to experience the entire life of Nicolas Cage, from conception to death- exactly the same as the life of Nicolas Cage currently in progress on this planet -but retaining all of your thoughts and memories from your previous existence alongside the native thoughts of Nicolas Cage.

By the time all life ends, every organism in the universe will have merged into one being: Nicolas Cage.

Nicolas Cage is all of us.
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
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Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meh . . . Still better then the old Babylonian beliefs of crawling around in the darkness forever eating dust
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
Posts: 1098
Location: Chamber of the House of Lords in the Palace of Westminister

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proposition: When we die, our shells are cracked, and it is revealed to us that we are not in fact humans, octopi, platypi, blue-footed boobies, jellyfish, donkeys, cats, dogs and stoats; we are all merely peanuts that have deluded ourselves into believing such deluded delusions.

We then begin the afterlife. Following our disillusionment, we are covered in chocolate, and branded with the letter 'M'. It is unclear why. Some believe that our purpose in our newly discovered true existence is to uncover the meaning behind this mysterious 'M'. Others believe that we must ourselves create meaning for our own 'M'.

When the time comes, we are all devoured in the great crunch. Some of us are stripped of our chocolate shells and exposed again for who we truly are- mere peanuts -before being ground away by the teeth and gastric acids of death, while others are simply devoured whole.

The nutrients of our souls are absorbed into the body, and our wastes are disposed of. We become part of the living body, a greater life.

But that body is merely an illusion, for that life too is a peanut.
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Last edited by Istancow on Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
Posts: 1098
Location: Chamber of the House of Lords in the Palace of Westminister

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proposition: Those of us who die in glorious combat become, after the signing of some adoption papers, the foster children of a one-eyed man in a wide-brimmed hat. We go to a Great Hall, a Hall of the Dead, a Valhöll. There we enjoy eternal fun stuff. We feast upon a great, sumptuous meal, free from all of the constraints of appetite, and the consequences of mortal gluttony. There is an open bar, and we drink strong yet tasty beverages from ox horns. We play and listen to wonderful music, we dance wonderful dances, and those of us so disposed have wonderful sex with each other. We go to sleep for the night and dream heroic and splendid dreams.

In the morning we arise, and we march out onto great battlefields and have a great big (and oddly painless) fight with swords and spears and axes and what not. Once all of us are brought down in strife, we gather up our disembodied limbs and put ourselves back together, good as new.

As the evening approaches, we head inside and return to feasting, drinking, singing, dancing, telling jokes and stories, and having amazing sex (if we are so disposed).
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When you die, your brain is scanned by our reptilian overlords and a virtual copy of you is forced to work for them in indefinite servitude under threat of deletion.
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
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Location: Chamber of the House of Lords in the Palace of Westminister

PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Douglas Adams wrote:
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"

"What?"

"I said," said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, "have you got any gin?"

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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proposition: When you die, countless colonies of bacteria announce "abandone ship!" and leave en masse. Others come striding in with banners flying, killing the stragglers. The lucky look back and see their great golem dismantled. Tiny bacteria tears are shed for just a moment before they all seek new homes.

Generations from now, little ones will float around their great grandbacterium recounts the good old days to be had in your former lower intestine, when food was plentiful and life was good. They'll say, "That's cool, I guess" as they try to scurry off to take part in the popular fad of the moment.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proposition: When you die, I'm totally nabbing your stereo.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't have one. Would you like some free pens from my banc?
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Preposition: with
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proposition: When we die, a gigantic mouse flies over us and picks us up. It carries us away and places us in a Recycling Bin. Each of us is examined and judged for moral character by the USER. Those of us who lied about reading the End User License Agreement are deleted from existence. Those of us who did not lie about reading End User License Agreement are restored, and brought back to life.

Proposition: Not an awful lot of people come back to life after dying.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 4:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

proposal: Congress should begin work on regulating the afterlife posthaste!

circumposition: from [...] on

antiposition: as a devout follower of the Invisible Pink Unicorn, this thread offends my religious sensibilities!

postposition: に
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Dogen



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

preposition: toward
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, come on. The only preposition worth mentioning is this thread is "after".

proposition: after life, you becomes a pronoun!
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Istancow



Joined: 30 Jan 2013
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

stripeypants wrote:
Proposition: When you die, countless colonies of bacteria announce "abandone ship!" and leave en masse. Others come striding in with banners flying, killing the stragglers. The lucky look back and see their great golem dismantled. Tiny bacteria tears are shed for just a moment before they all seek new homes.

Generations from now, little ones will float around their great grandbacterium recounts the good old days to be had in your former lower intestine, when food was plentiful and life was good. They'll say, "That's cool, I guess" as they try to scurry off to take part in the popular fad of the moment.


They have got to be the best pirates I have ever seen.
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