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2014-07-14: Devil Tech Headquarters 41 - Call Me Maybe
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jabberjay wrote:
Only one of those options is even plausible, even if it is self-aggrandizing.

Also the NSA is watching you. They think you're boring, but that's a good thing. It means you're not a terrorist or a pedophile.


actually, this _is_ the guy who thinks it's nicer to call someone a pedophile than to call them an asshole.

if you _really_ want to get him mad, call him an asshole.
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Jabberjay



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was saying he wasn't a pedophile, that's why the NSA found him boring. He also isn't a terrorist.

I know enough about how the NSA actually works to be able to tell you that unless you are the worst of the worst, or a potential foreign agent (spies can be nice people, but must be watched), they don't give a shit about you. No matter how embarrassing or weird or touching or special your secret internet shit is, they collectively go through petabytes of that shit a day. When off the job somebody who works at the NSA is typically normal like you or me. On the job? They're practically dead inside. They'd have to be. They watch all of us, they just don't care about 99.99999% of it.

So, going on the assumption that nobody on the Sinfest forums is a terrorist or a pedophile, the NSA would find us all quite boring. I suppose I should have also added "international drug kingpin" and "foreign spy" but I doubt any of you are either of those. The NSA finds us all boring.

Which is good. I like it when the government thinks I'm boring.
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mouse



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

and i'm just saying you should call him that anyway. he likes that sort of thing.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

The NSA finds us all boring.


Even if they didn't, they have more data than they can sort through.


Riveting stories from my life:

I was just reading a textbook

and it said something like, "this is not trivial. You should verify it in detail,"

and I was like, "huh, all you have to do is {basic operation}, which seems pretty trivial to me, so I guess I'd better go blow up some buildings"

the end
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mouse



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i don't mind if they go through my email, but i wish they would clean up a bit...damn i got a lot of junk in my email.

and why can't they do anything about all those people whose gmail address revert to mine? I CAN"T HELP THESE PEOPLE I CAN'T GET MAYA TO GIVE NETFLIX HER RIGHT CREDIT CARD OR ENCOURAGE MILDRED TO GO TO THAT JOB INTERVIEW OR COORDINATE MANDY'S FAMILY REUNION.

and then i go to bed at night feeling helpless and worried and useless. I DON'T NEED THIS, NSA! GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT.

or at least let me know that _you _ made sure those guys got notified.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Remember that their employees are under closer watch than anyone.

Someone was trying to convince me to go work for them and I was just "no."

even if I would "just" be sniffing for patterns in the shittones of encrypted data that they collect, no
nonono
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Jabberjay



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not an employee of the NSA, or the Canadian equivalent. That being said, if I were an employee of either company I'd be obliged to lie about it.

But seriously, I'm not. Getting that job requries getting a level of national security clearance, and you're right that those people are monitored extra and held to a higher standard of the law. That's why I never want to be one, so I can commit all the random minor-yet-harmless legal violations I want, when I want, without the government or anyone else giving a shit so long as I don't rub their nose in it. I'm also probably not qualified in other ways. I don't think my BA in English is particularly applicable for that kind of job.
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Monkey Mcdermott



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jabberjay wrote:
I'm not an employee of the NSA, or the Canadian equivalent. That being said, if I were an employee of either company I'd be obliged to lie about it.

But seriously, I'm not. Getting that job requries getting a level of national security clearance, and you're right that those people are monitored extra and held to a higher standard of the law. That's why I never want to be one, so I can commit all the random minor-yet-harmless legal violations I want, when I want, without the government or anyone else giving a shit so long as I don't rub their nose in it. I'm also probably not qualified in other ways. I don't think my BA in English is particularly applicable for that kind of job.


If you've ever admitted to doing acid or smoking pot you couldn't be a member of the nsa at the very least, nor the FBI, nor the CIA.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I'm not an employee of the NSA,


Well, no shit. I've talked to people recruiting for the NSA at math conferences and such. The things you've said about them do not give off the air of someone with even a modicum of hands-on familiarity with the techniques that they use, unless you're better at being deliberately dense than I give you credit for. I'm talking three layers of well-applied not-overboard dense, here.


You remind me of an old friend of mine, except less batshit crazy.
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Jabberjay



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Who is less batshit crazy? Me or the friend?

Either way that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

Who is less batshit crazy?


You. I quit associating with them when they tried, in all sincerity, to enlist my help in building a giant robot to combat the evils of some vaguely-defined cannibalistic conspiracy.
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mouse



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, now i can see two reasons for you to try LSD:
1) the nsa (and other devious government entities) will quit trying to recruit you, and
2) you may get some _great_ ideas for giant robots! lsd strikes me as providing exactly the sort of mental processes best suited for dealing with cannibalistic conspiracies...
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EverythingsJake



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Samsally wrote:
oh my god i hope you're 3 old ladies cackling gleefully that one's my favorite option.


If you wish it to be, let it be so, just to please you. Cackle, cackle, cackle.
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Heretical Rants



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:

2) you may get some _great_ ideas for giant robots! lsd strikes me as providing exactly the sort of mental processes best suited for dealing with cannibalistic conspiracies...


no, no, I declined on fighting the conspiracy because I'm part of the conspiracy, see

babies are way too tasty for me to give that up
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Jabberjay



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heretical Rants wrote:
Quote:

Who is less batshit crazy?


You. I quit associating with them when they tried, in all sincerity, to enlist my help in building a giant robot to combat the evils of some vaguely-defined cannibalistic conspiracy.


There are so many things wrong with that... it's like a layered onion of wrongness. I just have a story that I've worked out and am trying to turn into a novel or cartoon series. I've actually gone through the process of learning how to do both of those and am working on the product and pitch material in my spare time. I don't have time for robots or cannibals or lizardpeople wearing Obama-skin, even if I *did* have enough time to watch both seasons of V on Netflix (don't watch it unless you enjoy being angry about poor television writing).

You remind me of a friend I had online once. I think she's a lawyer now.
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