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Life's Mixed Bag
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3242
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 6:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

+ Got my extra hours
- It is about half the extra hours I was hoping for, so unfortunately my daydreaming about enough money and then some will have to stop.
+ It's only an hour or so less than the low end of what was expected, so it's nt so bad - just a bit of a let-down.
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 9481

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
I really like the people in my program... but tonight after leaving a bar and dropping off all the other people in the carpool me and the driver started talking about global health, institutional racism, and girleffect.org. She was really mad about them focusing on "saving girls" rather than affecting broad social change that would prevent the need to save girls from anyone, which is excellent but kind of a long-range goal (why can't we do both, I say?).

Anyway, we ended up standing in her driveway talking for half an hour about how she thought everyone should be doing something to combat inequality... but she meant literally everyone should go to places like Haiti and do something to fix inequality. I tried to wind down the conversation by saying that sounded like a great goal, but that other people (like me) have passion that runs in a different direction... so she asked what I wanted to do, and I said, "Work with victims of trauma." She stared at me for a second and said, "That's it?" I said, "You know you're the first person to ever act like that was an unimpressive career goal?"


ahahaha oh god.

your response in my mind includes this

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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10656
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, yeah. She sent me a text later saying she didn't mean to disparage my goals but that "maybe she was the first person to ever think I was capable of something more*," which earned her a lengthy reply about how victims of a corrupt social system are not less deserving of attention than the system itself, and that it seems myopic to value them enough to try and change the system but not enough to help the people currently being hurt by it. Several days later she said, "That's really what I was trying to say, it just came out wrong," which might be true in Opposite Land, but I let it go. Better she got the point than that I win the argument.



* this sounds like one of those, "I believe in you when no one else did, now you can go make something of yourself" comments, but it's what she actually said. Kind of weird considering she's a) known me for five weeks, and b) knows nothing about my awesome, crazy, super supportive family.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17100
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, and her initial response still sounds like she thinks "working with trauma victims" is some sort of really minimal thing, like helping those who suffer from hangnails or some other basically cosmetic ill.

i'm with patty - i'd like to know more about her actual life experience, both in fixing inequality and dealing with actual people who are have actually experienced trauma, even here in the good old safe USA. possibly as a result of actual inequality!

well, i guess we can hope she learns something over the next few years.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10656
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know much of anything about her, so I don't know.

In other news... my friend came out to her parents as bi and we were kind of expecting them to both take it really well. Her dad was totally cool (he said he's known for years), but her mom cried and hasn't spoken to her since... but the mom is messaging me and another friend on Facebook thanking us for being good to her daughter and telling us how much she loves her.

Anyone ever deal with a parent who found out their kid is bi or gay? Any advice? I'm just playing up how cool her daughter is and how natural it is to want to be around someone with a quality character... but today I may have told her how stressful it's been on her daughter not to have spoken with her... so we'll see how that goes.

To be honest, it's such a non-issue for me (when I found out the friend was super nervous and I was like, "Oh, really? That's cool. What's for lunch?") that I'm having trouble sympathizing with a semi-estranged mom.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3242
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you suggested they go to PFLAG? My partner suggests that as the best thing, because then they can have support from other people who've gone through what she's been through. You might also assure her the person is going to be quite alright, and point to some successful queer people as examples.

And really, one of the important things in this case is that some people just need time. Especially for parents, it can be hard to find out that your kid is experiencing or going to experience lifelong discrimination, and may be open to being attacked or killed just for being who they are. Sometimes just talking with others who are queer or who have queer kids can help allay fears; for example, there are parents who visit my community college and cry with relief because their queer high schooler will be able to go somewhere safe after graduation.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10656
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The parents, unfortunately, are on the other side of the world. I also don't know them well, which makes it twice as odd that her mom's started messaging me and not her daughter. I'm still feeling her out. I think, in my psych-brain, that she's putting out feelers to see what her daughter thinks by way of how we respond.

Quote:
And really, one of the important things in this case is that some people just need time. Especially for parents, it can be hard to find out that your kid is experiencing or going to experience lifelong discrimination, and may be open to being attacked or killed just for being who they are. Sometimes just talking with others who are queer or who have queer kids can help allay fears; for example, there are parents who visit my community college and cry with relief because their queer high schooler will be able to go somewhere safe after graduation.

Funnily enough, I've been counseling my friend that she just needs to give her mom time, especially since she's got a great ally in her dad who will help her mom adjust. I don't know if it's her only concern, but in the last conversation they had (where my friend came out to her), the mom's only (stated) concern seemed to be about not having grandchildren. I don't know what she's really feeling, though.
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stripeypants



Joined: 24 Feb 2013
Posts: 3242
Location: Land of the Grumpuses

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's another common thing - "Oh god, I thought there was this one plan for your life, and now there's this other way events are unfolding I wasn't prepared for!"

From the sound of things, it does sound like this is going to be alright. I'm glad her dad is supportive.
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, both of her parents are really cool people... it was really surprising that her mom took it so hard. It's a sad template for her young cousin, who is also bi, but hasn't told anyone but my friend...

We had this long conversation a few weeks ago about how in a generation people will talk about coming out stories like we talk about white-only drinking fountains. Our time will seem unsophisticated and backward for judging you based on who you love.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6375

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am probably going to open up commissions soon.

Odds are high nobody will want one, but I can dream I suppose.
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Samsally the GrayAce
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Dogen



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 10656
Location: Bellingham, WA

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you kidding? Who wouldn't want a custom naked Jesus on a pegasus drawing? I want four.


Also, my aunt is a disabled, unemployed, medicaid recipient who posts anti-Obamacare links on FB... today it was some bullshit about requiring RFID microchips from nationalreport.net (like the Onion). I've snoped her twice today.

She doesn't seem to mind being proven wrong, though, which is nice.
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DeD CHiKn



Joined: 04 Aug 2006
Posts: 10223
Location: Baltimore, Maryla*gunshot*

PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dogen wrote:
She doesn't seem to mind being proven wrong, though, which is nice.


My wife's step mother posts all these kind of chain mail/ rants/nonsensical BS posts all the time.

My favorite was when she posted about how they already have a cancer cure, for all types of it, but the government won't release it to make more money. One of her family members is a researcher that is actually researching a cure for lymphoma (I think) and basically just posted something along the lines of "you are wrong"

her response "I respect your opinion" to which he replied, "respect it by never talking about something you don't know again."

It's the kind of conversation I wish I was in the room to hear. With popcorn.
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Martian Kyo



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 1506

PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like that response...
respect it by not talking BS...

I might use it.
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eureka00



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1993
Location: Pretzel City

PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Starting on Friday, I'm going to be doing a weight loss thing at work for 8 weeks. We all put money into a pool and then there are two winners that split the money at the end. My co-teacher is running it, and she decided to do it because she needs a distraction while she tries to quit smoking. She's really into exercise and dieting stuff (it's surprising that she smokes in the first place). So, I'm doing it to encourage her and keep her on the up and up while we're at work and shedding some pounds would be good for me too.

Now I just need to do it...god, I hate cardio.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6375

PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hear ya. Cardio is the woooorst. Good luck!
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