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Life's Mixed Bag
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Taemon wrote:
I can't imagine having to live like that, I'm glad it's over. It must be hard on your mother, though.


H̶a̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶i̶m̶a̶g̶i̶n̶e̶ Yeah it is. We all wish that we were able to do something about his behavior but he was just too far gone. Only a professional can even attempt to help him because there's just so much to unpack. Oh well, it's nice to be able to talk about how his insanity affected us in the past tense at least.

Taemon wrote:
Why are they moving him so far away? Is that the best facility for him?


Not sure. Either way I'm glad he's not here.

Edited because I wanted to get rid of a gross exaggeration.


Last edited by Nobody Important on Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:51 pm; edited 2 times in total
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 14229
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 2:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know what it's like to have an abusive, dominating family member suddenly removed from the immediate picture due to their own issues. Enjoy the breath of fresh air and focus on shoring up your own life for a while. Your mother will need a lot of support as well. Even if it's for the best reasons, breaking up a family is difficult, painful, and emotionally complicated. Mothers don't just stop being mothers and children don't suddenly become Someone Else's Problem regardless of circumstance.
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WheelsOfConfusion wrote:
I know what it's like to have an abusive, dominating family member suddenly removed from the immediate picture due to their own issues. Enjoy the breath of fresh air and focus on shoring up your own life for a while. Even if it's for the best reasons, breaking up a family is difficult, painful, and emotionally complicated. Mothers don't just stop being mothers and children don't suddenly become Someone Else's Problem regardless of circumstance.


I'm realizing this all the more as time goes on. Though my family's mostly feeling positive, my mom included. This is a new beginning for my family.

WheelsOfConfusion wrote:
Your mother will need a lot of support as well.


I supported her pretty much constantly when he was here so no reason for me to stop now. Also we're all at least somewhat traumatized so we're all supporting each other as well.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7505

PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

- powers been out for an hour and a half, and projected to be out for another hour and a half
--- it's like -6F outside
+ apartments not losing too much heat yet.
++ boyfriend is ready and willing to swoop in and carry me and the cats off to his place (which still has power) if necessary.

Edit: +++++++++ Power came back almost immediately after I posted this. Huzzah!
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 21071
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nobody Important - i seem to have somehow missed your posts back when they were posted. i hope you all are settling into the changed situation. have you been, or is there a way you can get, therapy, you and your mom and your other brother? because all of that stress and abuse having been screwing you guys up as well; it may help to have someone outside the family help you sweep up all those eggshells, and deal with dealing with your autistic brother from a distance. none of it will be easy, but i bet it does feel like the sun has come out from the clouds and now the whole world can bloom. i hope it does, for all of you.

and to Samsally also, yay for light! and power! and warmth!
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
Nobody Important - i seem to have somehow missed your posts back when they were posted. i hope you all are settling into the changed situation.


Things are getting better albeit slowly. My mom and brother are finally going to get their I.D.s soon and I'm on my way to getting my birth certificate (I'm gonna get my I.D. later). They're both going to apply for food stamps soon and mom's going to try to get on disability because she believes that she's too tired/fatigued to work (her lupus exacerbates this). Also I learned just yesterday that he returned to my town but is in some sort of program regarding home placement but I don't know any specifics about it.

mouse wrote:
have you been, or is there a way you can get, therapy, you and your mom and your other brother? because all of that stress and abuse having been screwing you guys up as well; it may help to have someone outside the family help you sweep up all those eggshells, and deal with dealing with your autistic brother from a distance.


We've been realizing how much he damaged us emotionally and mentally. I'm still jumpy when I hear loud noises. I also had a dream a little while ago that involved him trying to kill me. Mom has her online friends and our neighbor to talk to (never talk to them myself) besides that no, not really. I've been realizing over the years how isolated we all are. Me and my older brother haven't had a single friend in almost ten years. My little brother doesn't have many either (besides his online game friends) and they come over very infrequently, even less so the past few months now that I think of it. And we almost never go anywhere that's not a store (and even then I still don't bother most of the time because it's just a store). I haven't been anywhere for months.

I also realized last year how incredibly lonely I am. Not talking to anybody outside my family or leaving the house has taken a great toll on my mind. Before he left I thought of suicide everyday and had started inflicting self-harm again a few months after he left (not with anything severe just scratching my self with my fingernails and hitting myself on the head). Though that's been getting better I'm still bored and depressed.

As for the therapy thing I feel like I've talked about the autistic brother trauma enough and I just want to move on, my mom and brother considered it though.

mouse wrote:
none of it will be easy, but i bet it does feel like the sun has come out from the clouds and now the whole world can bloom. i hope it does, for all of you.


Thank you mouse, it has been feeling like that. It just feel really good knowing that he isn't lurking around the corner anymore.
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Taemon



Joined: 08 Aug 2013
Posts: 1968
Location: Europe

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can always talk to us (or me). It's not much, but it's something. Hugs.
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Taemon. Being able to talk to people outside family about this stuff feels really nice.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 14229
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
We've been realizing how much he damaged us emotionally and mentally. I'm still jumpy when I hear loud noises. I also had a dream a little while ago that involved him trying to kill me.

I've been there. Also our house is situated such that we've never had to lock our doors or cars. After our problem person escalated to literal burglary, we found ourselves doing that whenever he wasn't in jail. Every time I heard a loud noise outside in the night, I thought it was him and had to get up and check to make sure everything was still secured.

It was a horrible feeling when you couldn't trust your own family to leave you in peace, fearing for your safety as well as your property.

Eventually things got to a point where we were confident he wasn't going to be a burglary problem any more and we've gone back to living more freely. And all these years later, I personally feel a lot more comfortable just being around the house than I ever did when he was around. So much stress and anxiety removed from my old life. It's actually given me the mental and emotional room I've needed to grow out as a person.

Keep yours and your family's well-being in mind and things will turn out better, despite any bumps on the road or recidivism along the way.
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Wheels. I really appreciate the feedback.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 21071
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm always happy to listen too, though i don't necessarily have any useful advice. i hope that once you are feeling more secure at home, you (and your brothers) will feel more like getting out and interacting with other people. because despite the name you've chosen, you _are_ important. i'd like to keep you around.
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you mouse, I always appreciate the support.
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WheelsOfConfusion



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 14229
Location: Unknown Kaddath

PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

-- Bronchitis.
-/+ Out from work for five of the last 7 days.
- Tried to work over the weekend. It was a mistake.
-/+ Went on a total merchsplurge* on Amazon.
- Did nothing productive during downtime.
+ Time enough at last...



*I splurged. On merch. hashtag merchsplurge
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Yorick



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 12233
Location: Lagrangia

PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
i'm always happy to listen too, though i don't necessarily have any useful advice.


yeah, if it's not about cheese, mouse is pretty much useless.




(kidding! Very Happy )


edit: 12221.
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Nobody Important



Joined: 18 Jan 2016
Posts: 674

PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeesh, I remember when I had bronchitis. Nasty disease it is.
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