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Women, you WILL be Groped Article (PLEASE READ)

 
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Onimaru



Joined: 16 Apr 2013
Posts: 630

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:36 am    Post subject: Women, you WILL be Groped Article (PLEASE READ) Reply with quote

I had the fortune of reading through CRACKED today and came across the following Article :

http://www.cracked.com/blog/women-you-will-be-groped-this-what-you-need-to-know/

It's insightful, helpful and gives a lot of perspective that can be of use to women and men in dealing with this in society. But the thing that blew me away was the fact that when I read it I expected the Comments to be nothing but a deluge of Toxic garbage, when in reality most of it was actually decent. No idea how that might change in the coming days, but either way it's worth the read.
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Wic



Joined: 10 May 2015
Posts: 166

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:51 pm    Post subject: Re: Women, you WILL be Groped Article (PLEASE READ) Reply with quote

Onimaru wrote:
I had the fortune of reading through CRACKED today and came across the following Article :

http://www.cracked.com/blog/women-you-will-be-groped-this-what-you-need-to-know/

It's insightful, helpful and gives a lot of perspective that can be of use to women and men in dealing with this in society. But the thing that blew me away was the fact that when I read it I expected the Comments to be nothing but a deluge of Toxic garbage, when in reality most of it was actually decent. No idea how that might change in the coming days, but either way it's worth the read.


I read that article and started thinking what I would do and what I should do in the situation someone would grope my ten year old daughter. I'm pretty sure in the heat of the moment, I'd punch his/hers face in. Is that what I should do, though? I don't think anyone wants to see their daddy punch someone in the face. That'd probably increase the negative connections and worsen her trauma.

But letting it happen is wrong as well. There probably isn't any easy answers to this.
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Onimaru



Joined: 16 Apr 2013
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For that my friend I have no idea, you're asking for the best, most logical solution to an impossible to rationalize situation. Seriously there should NEVER be a time where anyone has to decide the best course of action on HOW to BEST respond to someone sexually assaulting their 10 year old daughter!

I mean, violence would be my solution, even if it wasn't my kid, my default reaction would be to see if my rage had suddenly enabled me to pull out their spine with my bare hands and beat them with it. But you're right, a violent act could cause something that might have been ignored and lost to the 'haze of childhood' into one of the most prominent memories of their formative years, leading to long term trauma or permanent psychological issues.

Obviously doing nothing is not an option, but you're right there isn't an easy answer. Police obviously, but that will immediately lead to a you say they say that can only be resolved by a Cop asking a young girl what happened which makes it about a 30% chance at best of it standing up in court, and any attempt to gather evidence prior to stopping them could only increase problems as someone else might just accuse you of getting off by filming or taking a picture of someone molesting your daughter.

So yeah, I don't have the answer for you, the best I can offer is do all in your power to keep it from happening in the first place, and join everyone fighting for a better world to make that kind of thing where a whole Train Car will stand up and protect that little girl. That it might someday become the very large and loud majority willing to step up and protect victims when they are assaulted, or even prevent it from happening in the first place.

One can hope can't they. Smile
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Taemon



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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What you do is, you expose the creep for what he is and give him a long lecture, very much en plein public, on why what he did is wrong and how he'll never ever do it again if he has a shred of decency left. That will give your daughter the words she needs to understand why he was wrong and she wasn't; it will also show her you're with her.
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mouse



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PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2016 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

this is an excellent idea, but requires some forethought - because you are talking about something that is often a quick action with no warning. that's the reason a lot of women don't do anything at the time - they are surprised, they aren't quite sure that what happened really happened, and they have to gather their wits to react - and by that time, the guy may be gone.
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Taemon



Joined: 08 Aug 2013
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2016 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
this is an excellent idea, but requires some forethought - because you are talking about something that is often a quick action with no warning. that's the reason a lot of women don't do anything at the time - they are surprised, they aren't quite sure that what happened really happened, and they have to gather their wits to react - and by that time, the guy may be gone.

Yes, but we (men, women and others) are starting to realise that we need to be armed for this kind of thing. For ourselves, our 10 year old-daughters, that stranger next to us. So maybe we should rehearse that speech. Or start and articulate one here.

"Hey you. Yes you."
...
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Onimaru



Joined: 16 Apr 2013
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Taemon wrote:
What you do is, you expose the creep for what he is and give him a long lecture, very much en plein public, on why what he did is wrong and how he'll never ever do it again if he has a shred of decency left. That will give your daughter the words she needs to understand why he was wrong and she wasn't; it will also show her you're with her.


Not to derail your current attempt, but you have to understand that will ONLY work against someone who won't get combative, if you have the chance read up on some of the women's stories that speak of their own events. One of the really depressing one's a I came across is relatively close to this topic, I'm going off memory here since I can't find it though :

"I was 13 and riding the subway with my Dad, there were a lot of people and he was keeping me close, I felt something lift up my skirt and looked back to see a big man giving me a smile, I was too afraid to scream but I pulled on my Dad's hand and got his attention, when he saw what was going on he shouted, making the other man jump, then he started calling the man sick and disgusting, the man immediately stood up, bigger than my Father and SCREAMED at him for falsely accusing him, that he'd kill him for calling him a pedo. Of course no one else on the train saw anything, so no one was coming to help my Dad, no one else rose to my defense, then he started hitting, all I could do was stare up at my Dad as punch after punch rained down, his face, his chest and stomach, when all was said and done, my Dad was crumpled in a ball on the floor defending me, and the man who had touched me walked off the train to the cheers of the crowd, the 'winner' being decided to be the one in the right.

My Father was in the hospital for 3 months, and I took away the very personal lesson that if I'm being touched, or someone is doing something I don't like, speaking up about it will get someone hurt, me, my dad, my mom, my friends. I became terrified at the idea of speaking up about anything that made me uncomfortable because that event carved the idea that it was my fault, that speaking up caused everything that happened afterwards, and it wasn't until I reached my 20's where I got actual help and was made to see that."

There was more, about how her inability to speak up led to her being sexually assaulted further but they take us off topic.

What I was most trying to stress, is the fact that most everyone around you in current society are going to look away, or try to pretend it's not their business, so while calling them out on it and brow beating them verbally to put a show of solidarity that your child can trust you to support and defend them. For YOU this is a random and unforeseen circumstance you're required to deal with, that could escalate to violence if you're not prepared for it.

But for the groper, for the one that potentially does this on a frequent basis, they've considered the possibilities, they've potentially had arguments and are extremely skilled at deflecting blame in such a way that will make you, or worse your child, at fault for making random accusations. They will rely on the fact that no one else probably saw anything, or if they did will be afraid of speaking up, especially if the groper is larger, or someone they know will see them again, day after day. And finally, there are those that will immediately resort to violence.

So while I do applaud you for encouraging people to discuss and plan for it, and I will gladly participate because I think it's a very worthwhile idea, just remember if the person groping your kid, you or anyone else is 280 pounds with a neck like a fire hydrant, making a big public spectacle of their humiliation and disgusting actions could end up teaching your kid that telling anyone gets people they care about HURT.
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Taemon



Joined: 08 Aug 2013
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Onimaru wrote:
So while I do applaud you for encouraging people to discuss and plan for it, and I will gladly participate because I think it's a very worthwhile idea, just remember if the person groping your kid, you or anyone else is 280 pounds with a neck like a fire hydrant, making a big public spectacle of their humiliation and disgusting actions could end up teaching your kid that telling anyone gets people they care about HURT.

Shit. Okay, I didn't think of that. What a horrible story.
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Onimaru



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Taemon wrote:

Shit. Okay, I didn't think of that. What a horrible story.


Please don't stop your discussions, or planning for these kinds of things because of my warning, that was NOT my intent with what I was trying to say, I just wanted people to be aware of the dangers of openly confronting people without some level of safety net, the police or security, or others willing to back you up.

That being said, rather than openly SAYING anything, if protecting another, a child, girlfriend, or even stranger. One of the best deterrents can simply be presence. Switch places with them, get between the molester and look them in the eye as you do, step BETWEEN them and burn them with a stare. Doing this won't guarantee there won't be a confrontation, but it will require them to be the initiator, AKA for them to intentionally draw attention to themselves, which is something most seem to seek to avoid. Do what you can to discreetly get a picture of the groper/molester, as you or they are leaving and then report the incident to police, so there is a record if they repeat offend if there is not enough evidence with your complaint against them for the police to act.

Then if it is a child, or someone you know, do everything you can to reassure them that nothing THEY did caused this, that they did the right thing in letting you know and that you believe them.

So rather than a discussion on what is best to say to verbally assault a Molester, perhaps what best to say to a potential victim might be better. What any of US might have needed to hear when we suffered something similar?
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Taemon



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just remembered that when I was 14-ish, I would often go swimming with a friend. A couple of times, when we went down the slide, a boy would jump behind us, and grab our breasts. I just remembered this. I had forgotten it.
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Pineapple



Joined: 01 Jan 2015
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got groped at a party this weekend by a creepy dude that slid up behind us on the couch

my girlfriend who was sitting next to me didn't even notice that he was there (she's closet trans so I'm guessing he took her as evidence that I like guys which is mostly erroneous assumption)

I kept pushing his hand away from my inner thigh but he kept going for it
repeatedly

I kissed my friend for comfort and to show the groper that I was there with someone and would most definitely not be leaving with him but that just got him more excited; I didn't really think that through I guess

he had his other hand in his pants; was kind of gross

shortly thereafter we stood up and left
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Sam



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2016 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

most women's stories about being groped / sexually harassed made sense to me

then after personally experiencing getting groped / sexually harassed at my workplace, all of them made sense
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Rune



Joined: 08 Oct 2011
Posts: 1815

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cracked is a deceptively decent corner of the internet.
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