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When Wild Animals Attack, Again!
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10421
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 12:01 am    Post subject: When Wild Animals Attack, Again! Reply with quote

So I was just outside to put a full trash bag in one of the garbage cans when what do I find? A masked bandit raiding the cans. It looked up at me , about 10 feet away, and just stopped, though I wouldn't say he quite froze. I yelled and shook the bag in my hand and this caused it to slowly start to walk along the deck handrail away from me. I yelled louder and moved closer but the little fucker barely seemed threatened by me, more like mildly annoyed that I waasn't letting it get back to it's dinner. The sheer smugness of this Procyonid made me see red. Grabbing the first thing at hand, a snow shovel, I hurled it with the deadly aim of a Maasai warrior at my foe, striking it squarely in the skull and sending it tumbling off the handrail, 7 feet to the ground. I didn't hear it run away.

In case anyone cares or remembers, this isn't my first, and I'm guessing not my last, battle with this foe.
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MsFrisby



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3966
Location: a quiet little corner of crazy

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 1:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you claiming wild animal status? Because the only "attacking" I see going on is the attacking done by you. Smile
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10421
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell that to the poor garbage he ravaged Razz
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Secret



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 5429

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

High-velocity shovel to head+7 feet fall while stunned = Not getting up again.
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donut3point5



Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 940
Location: The Bakery of Blood Gulch.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
High-velocity shovel to head+7 feet fall while stunned = Not getting up again.

Nonsense.
It was obviously the raccoon God, sent to ravage your garbage and survive large shovels to the head.
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Marik



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 1234

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 6:04 am    Post subject: justified self defense, and he(?) ruined my jeans. Reply with quote

I have been viciously attacked by a cornered raccoon and been forced to beat it off with a maglite, but I don't think I'd attack a retreating raccoon. Just not into mauling wildlife, you see!
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Celaeno



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 3029
Location: Kzoo

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 6:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They're killing the squirrels in a nearby park because they're attacking children--biting little kids and diving into baby strollers.

I kid you not.
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donut3point5



Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 940
Location: The Bakery of Blood Gulch.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 7:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In a park I once went to, people fed the squirrels so much, the squirrels built their nests at the foot of trees because they were too fat to climb up. Their gut dragged when they walked, and each one was the size of a small cat.
I also kid you not.
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mouse



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 17205
Location: under the bed

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Celaeno wrote:
They're killing the squirrels in a nearby park because they're attacking children--biting little kids and diving into baby strollers.

I kid you not.


man, i knew squirrels were insane, but i didn't realize they are actually homocidal. they _are_ angry little buggers, though.
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DesolationRow



Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 232
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw a squirrel on my campus climb up a tree with a twenty-dollar bill in its mouth. Since that moment I have been wary of the apocalypse.
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Dro



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my first year of college, I started dating this girl. We had a sweet courtship, full of spontaneous wild daisy pickings and giggling at clouds. The day after we first had sex, we set out for a picnic to celebrate being in love. I scraped up coins from under the sofa to buy nice fixings for sandwiches and a cheap bottle of Gewürztraminer, which I thought was awfully sophisticated of me.

We sat on a blanket and sipped and nibbled, kissed and nibbled. What could be nicer? But then, we noticed a squirrel slowly making its way towards us. How cute! But why so slow? As it got closer, we saw that it was dragging behind it its giant scrotum, grossly edemic to the size of a grapefruit. It would lurch forward, then pause to drag this giant thing over whatever lump of grass it was moving past, then lurch forward again.

It was a bit of a mood breaker.
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Feiticeira



Joined: 09 Jul 2006
Posts: 1774

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mouse wrote:
man, i knew squirrels were insane, but i didn't realize they are actually homocidal. they _are_ angry little buggers, though.


this is where mellowfish jumps in and tells us that squirrels are going to hell because homocide is against god.
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Samsally



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 6460

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dro wrote:
In my first year of college, I started dating this girl. We had a sweet courtship, full of spontaneous wild daisy pickings and giggling at clouds. The day after we first had sex, we set out for a picnic to celebrate being in love. I scraped up coins from under the sofa to buy nice fixings for sandwiches and a cheap bottle of Gewürztraminer, which I thought was awfully sophisticated of me.

We sat on a blanket and sipped and nibbled, kissed and nibbled. What could be nicer? But then, we noticed a squirrel slowly making its way towards us. How cute! But why so slow? As it got closer, we saw that it was dragging behind it its giant scrotum, grossly edemic to the size of a grapefruit. It would lurch forward, then pause to drag this giant thing over whatever lump of grass it was moving past, then lurch forward again.

It was a bit of a mood breaker.


I seriously cannot stop giggling at this. It wouldn't have killed any moods for me, I would have started laughing hysterically and probably tried to chase it. (this isn't really out of the norm for me, when it comes to squirrels)
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Darqcyde



Joined: 11 Jul 2006
Posts: 10421
Location: A false vacuum abiding in ignorance.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:06 pm    Post subject: Re: justified self defense, and he(?) ruined my jeans. Reply with quote

Marik wrote:
I have been viciously attacked by a cornered raccoon and been forced to beat it off with a maglite, but I don't think I'd attack a retreating raccoon. Just not into mauling wildlife, you see!


Ahh, but you see, his retreat was merely a feint, a tactical 'loss' to win the overall war for the can. Also, since there was no corpse the next day I assume he survived. I must confess that luck may have played some role in the accuracy of my throw, especially since it was one of those funky shovels with the bend in it.
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Nascimento



Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Posts: 67
Location: The Injo realm.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bah. The only animals I fear are bears and dogs. When I were in Estonia I refused to get out of the car when we stopped to look at some nice old ruin or church. Bears are my absolute horror.
I have nightmares about being chased by bears.
I imagine seeing bears all the time,everywhere.
Bears,bears,bears. Shocked
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