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2000
~
Because man does not
live
by porn alone
~
|
notes from the resistance
Jan 31, Y2Big
While scoping out websites of
like-minded artists, some very professional, some very not, I thought to
myself: Funky cold Medina. Here survive the lost, unsung warriors
of comic strip art, the Not-Ready-For- Syndication misfits and rejects,
broke but not yet broken, peddling their labor of love like cheap whores
(or, to use more delicate parlance, discount whores), in a grungy,
backwoods subculture of freelance burnouts and dreamers. Sounds like my
kind of place.
Let's tango and cash,
y'all.
-T.
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|
~
Yes. I
am
positive energy.
~ |
Feb 29, Y2G Initially, I'd planned on making
this a weekly essay. As it turns out, it's more a weakly written essay
with the regularity of something that doesn't appear every week. Poor
webpage-maintenance is, I'm told, the chief cause of viewer decline and a
sure road to obscurity. And Lord knows we don't want that. Our goal here
has always been to reach the safe-as-milk global pop mainstream, actively
take part in the frenetic merchandising machine, and to put a little love
in your heart. In that order. So please, stand by while our techies tend
to the scheduling blips...
-T.
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|
~
You go,
girl.
~ |
March 15, Y2Large First: Shout outs to all
yas who spread the word. I'm so grateful I could treat each and every one
of you to a Slurpee and some Fritos, but that's not gonna happen.
Logistically, it's just not sound. Suffice to say, for every piece of
encouragement received, I pump my fist in the air, make slapping motions
with the other hand, and scream, "You like being nailed by the king???"
So, as you can see, it's all very much appreciated. Muchas grassy-ass, you
dope fiends.
-T.
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|
~
Think
Disco.
~ |
March 20, Y2M The internet is a strange,
quirky, wonderful place. Personal pages beam out to the entire globe,
acquaintenceships and alliances are forged through the magic of fonts,
hundreds upon thousands of digital websouls stream through the cyberwaves,
seeking, hunting, praying for creature comforts in a teeming procession of
virtual life. It's a beautiful thing to behold. Now... Pop quiz, hotshot:
Equipped with this dazzling technology what do you do? What do you do? I
pound on the computer and call the modem filthy names when a download
takes TWO WHOLE MINUTES... I mean, come on! That just ain't
gonna cut it, dig?
-T.
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|
~
Don't cry for
me,
Argentina.
~ |
March 27, Y2thou It's an oft-told tale:
Young ambitious talent seeks fame, climbs the rungs of success, reaches
the top, then crashes with scandal and fades into oblivion. Somewhere
along the line (right before the crash), the young star will bemoan his
loss of privacy and endlessly lament how his craft is "no longer any fun."
Not me. I'm a-gonna embrace the punishing, high-octane schedule of
superstardom. I will live it, breathe it, be it. Gonna shake my
moneymaker. Oh yes I will. Wanna know why? Cuz you like me. You really
really like me.
-T.
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|
~
Are we there
yet?
~ |
April 3, Y2keys There've been some inquiries
regarding the lack of biographical content about the author. Well, we've
contacted Mr. Ishida (via satellite feed, as he moonlights as a field
operative for a secret spy society)and forwarded this question straight
away. The e-mail reply reads in part: "Tell them my real identity must be
protected. Lives hang in the balance. They can't handle the truth! Still
in Moscow. Be back soon." What we can tell you is that he likes it shaken,
not stirred. He has a passion for synchronized swimming, all things plush,
and he hopes his comic will one day be adapted into a full-on ice-capade
spectacular: Sinfest on Ice.
-T.
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|
~
Take me to
your
leader, earth boy
~ |
April 10, Y2kilo Having been on the air for
a couple months, I've noticed a distinguishable pattern in the feedback.
The archetypal letter would go something like this: "Dude. Your main
character guy, what's-his-name, he looks too much like that kid,
what's-his-name, in Calvin & Hobbes. You should fix that. Plus,
can I have a T-shirt? And lastly, what exactly is it you're smoking? P.S.
The chick, what's-her-name, she's hot. She makes me feel funny down
there." Now, it's not that I don't appreciate these sentiments. I do. I
love feedback. But please, for the love of Mary, don't ask me to
incriminate myself. I can't tell you what I smoke.
-T.
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|
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They call me
Bruce
~ |
April 16, DosKilo Welcome all ye virgin souls,
Welcome to the 'fest.
Activate them senses and
Pray you do your best.
Deadbeat pappy hit the road,
Mammy's outta wack.
Sister be in rehab and
Brother's sellin' smack.
Posin' schoolmate bully pit
They pushin' every trend--
Phony heads they make you wish
The world come to an end.
Sometime life ain't got no cheer,
But don't sweat the hypocrites;
Be none surprised fo' any crime
And misdeed they commits!
Next crop of young 'ns comin' yo
& we gots ta chill, because
Soon be time to welcome them
As long ago we was... -T.
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|
~
Sho nuff git
done
wackin' the jizz yo
~ |
April 23, 2Grand Finally. We have arrived at
our new abode. The ever dependable E-haul truck, as it were, has
transported all the furniture and china, every prop and miscellany from
the old site, even my collection of inflatable alien dolls. In the grand
spirit of renewal, the staff made plans for a major revamp & upgrade,
complete with a Sinfest Escort Service and a Tweak Exchange Program. You
know, to give back to the community. In the end, however, our engineers
went with something called the "If It Ain't Broke" approach, prompting a
series of jokes about the creator's financial status, which, quite
frankly, is no laughing matter.
-T.
|
|
~
High on life
and
livin' on love
~ |
April 30, YNisen The response has been
tremendous. Your letters of support and encouragement make this whole
endeavor easier and more pleasant. Mucho arigato! And special shouts
to the Keenspot crew who took a chance signing this etiquette-challenged
strip. Man, I'm feeling so optimistic I'm projecting a six-month run!
Maybe seven! You know it's just a matter of time before the Thought Police
come raiding this site and snatch up little Slick away and reunite him
with his Cuban pappy, right?
-T.
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|
~
This is only a
test
~ |
May 7, 2000 A.D. On merchandising: It's
flattering to hear so much interest in Sinfest product, and yes, I do
fancy the thought of a whole line of God Puppets®, so you too can "play
God" and talk smack about the Devil®-- available with Redneck Hunting Gear
(action figure sold separately). Believe you me, I have every intention of
selling out big-time-- cash in on the consumer demand for neat pop
merchandise, then flee the country and retire to some remote island. On
the other hand, I may decide to have some of that artistic integrity stuff
and do the Starving Artist Who Doesn't Compromise bit. Alas, who could
resist the chance to pimp their characters on Madison Avenue?
-T.
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|
~
You must be this
tall
to go on this ride
~ |
May 14, Why Too Kay Some of you may be
wondering, "Why is this column called Notes from the Resistance?
What is it exactly you're resisting?" Well, it's complicated. At first we
were gonna call it The Inside Dope, and then we thought maybe
The Big Fat Truth, or Spewings of a Yuckmouth (which I was
particularly fond of). Ultimately, though, we decided to go political, to
give the site that extra edge. Our politics here at Sinfest are pretty
darn radical (we believe in Casual Weekdays, mandatory service in the
Salvation Army, and blowing up Mars) so we anticipate opposition. And
that's what we're resisting, bubba.
Over and out.
-T.
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|
~
Made you
look!
~ |
May 21, MM I've been working on my
acceptance speech, just in case. Check it: "Wow. I am like, so thrilled. I
totally did not expect to win. First, I'd like to thank God. Second, I'd
like to thank the Academy for letting me wear this thong on stage. And a
shout to the Devil, who heads the Academy in disguise. It's been a rough
journey, but dagnabbit, I did it for the kids, ya know? Yeah, rags to
riches, bags to bitches, smack dat mad booty, HOO HAW!!! Who's the King of
the World now, huh? Who's the King?! But seriously folks,
regardless of what the U.N. has accused me of, I'm a force for good. Just
say no to schwag-- hold out for the good stuff. Hee hee, just kidding.
Stay off the brain drain, y'all. Peace and Rapture."
-T.
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|
~
Talk to
the
hand puppet
~ |
May 28, 2M It's a Catch-22: As long as the
strip is not syndicated, I figure I might as well make good on my creative
freedom and go balls wild; consequently I produce more work that's unfit
for syndication. Going "mass market," of course, would entail the cleaning
up of content, subjection to the whims of an editor, and the surrender of
copyright and license to a corporate machine. Which all sounds pretty
terrible until you hear the cha-ching of your internal cash
register and meet up with fine-ass groupie honeys, which, according to
some hip hop lyrics, is the meaning of life. Making the bigs, joining the
A-list, going to the show and pimpin' your muse on the catwalk... that's
the dream, baby. But hey, I'm just talkin' here...
-T.
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|
~
I'm gonna
git
you, sucka
~ |
June 4, Two Triple Oh Where does one find
inspiration? How do you court the coy muse? Just be yourself? Or do you
need a really good opening line to catch her attention? "Hey, muse,
lookin' fiiiiiiiiine, mama. Oo! I totally dig that tight body on ya. Let's
you and me bounce on over to my crib and do it Picasso-style." Or
you could put out a personal ad: "Muse Wanted: For artistic inspiration,
spiritual rebirth, and light ego-massaging. Must be able to handle
artist's inner torment. No Harpies please." And hey, what about female
artists? Do they have man-muses? Do they look like Fabio? Yeah, that's
rich. Fabio in a cherub get-up floating around sprinkling fairy dust on...
Cathy Guisewite. "Do it, Fabio," Cathy would moan. "Do it to me
Picasso-style."
-T.
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|
~
What was
the
question again?
~ |
June 11, 00 An excerpt from the exclusive
Tatsuya Ishida interview, conducted by Leonardo DiCaprio:
Leo: What's it like to be cool?
Tatsuya: Well, Leo--may I call you Leo?
Leo: Of course. Call me whatever.
Tatsuya: Okay, "Whatever." You ask some fruity
questions.
Leo: Nuh uh.
Tatsuya: Fruity.
Leo:
Stop it.
Tatsuya: Fruity fruity
fruity.
Leo: Stop hitting me, I'm the king
of the world!
(At that point,
armed security had to separate the two, and Tatsuya was thrown off the
White House balcony, onto a throng of teenage girls waving "I'll never let
go, Leo" placards. No one was seriously injured.)
-T.
|
|
~
Group
hug!
~ |
June 18, 2000 Let's hit some FAQs:
What materials do you use?
Non-photocopy pencils, Micron pens, Sharpies,
white-out.
When will you make available
some Sinfest goodies?
I'll get to it,
sport.
On average, how long does it take
to produce one strip?
3 hours or
so.
You think you're hot shit, don't
you, punk?
I don't know, but your mom
sure thinks so.
Whatever. What are your
political and religious leanings?
Just
last night, me and her we got all sick freaky up in the joint. She quacked
like a goose, she did. Hya ha ha ha ha ha.
How often were you dropped as a child?
Like a goose! She so nasty!
-T.
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|
~
Ever dance with a
cherub
in broad daylight?
~ |
June 25, 200Dimes Disclaimer: Please be
advised that the work displayed herein is a work of fiction, and any
resemblance to persons, dogs, cats, gods or devils, living or dead, is
purely coincidental. Plus, the views and opinions expressed here are not
necessarily those of the people who expressed them. We understand the
punchline can sometimes be explosively hilarious, but please celebrate
responsibly. We will not tolerate looting, pillaging, setting bonfires,
carjacking, or groping strangers. That said, let's give it up for
the home team and party hard, but party right.
-T.
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|
~
Bet you
can't
read just one
~ |
|
July 2, Millennium II Technical difficulties
have forced me to frequent a local computer outlet to upload new strips.
For some reason my computer won't connect me to the internet, so I
apologize in advance for any updating problems. Comes with the territory ,
I guess, but it's still a bitch in drag. It's not to be mentioned how
these minor setbacks trigger persecution anxiety ("Why me? Sweet baby
Jesus, why ME!?"), and conspiracy theories ("My enemies seek to thwart me
yet again... But I shall foil their evil plan and emerge victorious. Oh
yes I shall!"). Which is all delusional nonsense, I'm well aware. Computer
problems are caused by alpha transmissions from the alien mothership.
Everyone knows that.
-T.
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|
~
Wonder Twin
powers...
Activate!
~ |
July 9, Twenty Hundred The word used most
often to describe me would have to be "pimp-daddy-licious." Mostly cuz of
my plumed sequin fedora, which has become my personal trademark. But I
think what really grabs people is my ninja outfit. It's top of the line.
People snicker when they see me at cocktail parties; others say mixing
Eastern and Euro motifs is a fashion faux pas. But these knuckleheads are
just jealous they didn't think of it first. Feudal glam is the hottest
fashion craze since Madonna's "skanky gold digger" look of the 80s, and
has spread throughout youth culture. Pretty soon teachers, postal workers,
and air traffic controllers will be in full dress ninja garb with ostrich
feather boas. You watch.
-T.
|
~
Please
Hammer
Don't Hurt 'em
~ |
July 16, 21st Century People say to me,
"Tatsuya, how do you stay so fresh and original?" And I says to them, "By
avoiding cliches and never biting others." And then the people say to me,
"That's righteous, man." And I says back to the people, "Yeah, dig it. I
lay off the formulaic, the rehashed, recycled remake--that tired, trite,
typical tripe, ya know, and I steer clear of the beaten path and take the
road less traveled by, which makes all the difference, see, cuz
consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds and with great power comes
great responsiblity, so do unto others as you would have done to you, and
to thine own self be true, cuz baby, you're a star."
-T.
|
~
Promise
you'll
never let go
~ |
July 23, Two Thousand Just spent four days
at the San Diego Comic Con, and it was a blast. I went to several panel
discussions, you know, to prepare for that day I myself take the podium
and address my very own doting audience of supple, throbbing groupies. As
I listened in on heavyweights like Scott McCloud rail away on big
important sounding issues, I thought to myself, "Man, I'd look good up
there. I should wear red. Yes. Lots of red." And I'll have to assemble a
crack entourage of goons with headsets and several dancing girls with
jiggle capability. Before my panel discussion, the lights would go down,
strobe lights flare, the beat sounds and it's hype time to do a little
dance, make a little love...
-T.
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~
We have the
technology
~ |
July 30, Two Zero Zero Zero Web comics is
grass-roots, word-of-mouth, guerrilla-style 'tooning, where audience
participation is key. Fans support sites by clicking ads, even if they
haven't the slightest inclination to check out Whatevertheshit Online
Enterprises. Still others stuff the ballot boxes at Top Site lists, or
spam chatrooms with URLs. The Sinfest readership has been exorbitantly
generous in this regard, and I just wanted to let you know it hasn't gone
unnoticed. It's damn cool to have that kind of support. Mad love and big
thanks for all the pimpwork, you bunch of loony fanboys and girls!
-T.
|
~
Strange things
are
afoot at the Circle K
~ |
August 6, Year Two Thousand The Sinfest Store is up. Regrettably,
there are no puppets, weapons, or inflatable dolls. For some inexplicable
reason Cafe Press does not offer any of these items. But we're confident
they'll come to their senses sooner or later and expand their catalogue to
accommodate our modern needs. Yes, I can see it now... Sinfest bongs!
Monique edible pajamas! Pimp Ninja samurai swords! Junkie Ranger action
figure with pump-action syringe! Whoa Nellie! Talk about leaving the world
better than you found it!
-T.
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~
Float like a
butterfly,
Sting like a bee
~ |
August 13, Y2KAD Fame is something which
must be won; honor is something which must not be lost.
-Schopenhauer Backlash is a rite of passage, a trial by fire to test one's
media mettle. An up-and-comer must suffer through scathing reviews,
mudslinging rants, and endless derision. The backbiting from colleagues
can be especially demoralizing, but chances are, no worse than the
youthful shit I've done (and no doubt yet to do). Such is the way of a
Jedi pimp, sworn to protect a world that fears and hates him. He knows the
path is not always strewn with rose petals and well-wishers, but sometimes
gets blocked by trolls and naysayers. So be it! Nobody said it was gonna
be easy, so onward ho! Advance on the chaos and the dark!
-T.
|
~
Wax on, wax
off~ |
August 20, Nisennen Politics 2000 is revving
up, so I thought a commentary might be in order, this being a political
column and all. Hell, let's unveil the Sinfest manifesto. To wit: We are
radically pro-this, moderately anti-that, and definitely, emphatically
pro-those. We believe music can change the world and art can heal your
soul. We believe in the Tao of Pooh and the Word of Allah, as we follow
the Noble Eight-Fold Path to Vatican City where we'll have a Kosher meal
at a Japanese Tea Ceremony, then go joyriding in the Popemobile with a
bunch of gypsies who believe in the Force. We'll catch a matinee of the
Holy Trilogy and rest after the seventh hour. And when it is done we will
say, "It is good."
-T.
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|
All
contents © copyright 2006 by Tatsuya Ishida/Museworks. No
duplication, reproduction, or reprinting of Sinfest strips and/or
related characters allowed without written permission from the
author/publisher. |
|
